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Welcome to the Sensitive Man, the Site for Highly Sensitive Males
What’s Wrong with the Word, Sensitive?
Like many Highly Sensitive People, I often ask a simple question, “What’s wrong with the word Sensitive?” I mean, it’s a word with multiple meanings, but the one that we home in is the one that tells the story of our lives. Unfortunately, it is the one-word trait that is more often than not used in the pejorative to describe our nature that is either abhorred or tolerated by less sensitive folks.
We live in a culture that values emotional detachment, stone-cold decision making, logical, warrior-like capabilities that seem so distant from the core behaviors of the clan of highly sensitive people. Our culture views sensitivity as a weakness, a lack of discipline, control, or maturity. An unfair and false assessment, if there ever was one.
This judgment is especially hard on HSP males, who already have difficulty with the trait in lieu of expectations the culture sets for masculine behavior. Technically our trait is called sensory processing sensitivity, which is tied directly to environmental sensitivity theory. It embraces the notion that environmental sensory sensitivity is expressed on a spectrum from high to low. The term sensory processing sensitivity is a mouthful but sounds much more palatable than just plain “sensitive.”
Yet, here we are, almost thirty years after Dr. Aron coined the term highly sensitive persons, and we still struggle with the concatenation of that sensitive moniker. Sensitive men struggle with the brand. Stacked up against their non-HSP peers, it does make them seem to be, well, less masculine.
But, what does sensitive really mean? We know the term has multiple meanings, but why do we choose the most degrading definition. We need to do some serious renovation on how the term sensitive is used, dig a little deeper and put some fine points on the explanation of the term to truly capture the complex nature of high sensitivity and reframe the meaning. Read More.
Can Men Be Sensitive and Still Be Masculine?
From the vault of my personal experience
“Son, are you a man or a mouse?” These few words were delivered to me by my dad every time I got a bit too weepy as a little boy. Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, it was not wise for little boys to show too many traits of emotional sensitivity. Might look like a sissy, if you know what I mean. So, my father would chide me with this little question and I would abruptly stop my sensitive ways and buck up and act like the little man I was supposed to be.
This fit nicely into the Southern faux paradigm of manliness and toughness of which he and so many men of his generation subscribed. Hence, began a lifelong chorus of hearing: “you’re too sensitive”, “man up”, “toughen up” and “grow a pair.” Hearing this repeatedly, from males and females, makes one doubt, whether one is man enough to be a real man. After all, real men don’t eat quiche. And what is a real man?
As the years went by, I began to shield myself from this type of criticism by trying to live the manly life, I was taught to live. But it always felt a bit disingenuous and inauthentic. The older I got, the more I began to realize that what I was, no less a man, because I could feel deep emotion, get in touch with my inner core, and freely express the emotion within. When I began to read about the highly sensitive personality type, I felt vindicated and liberated. Dr. Elaine Aron gets a lifetime achievement award from me. And I’m sure a lot of HSMs feel the same way. Read More.
Why the World Needs Sensitive Men Now
In the sixties, a Broadway rock musical called Hair proclaimed that we were in the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. It was all new and shiny and promised a time of great awakening and peace. We waited and we waited and that never happened. The sixties was a time of new beginnings, great experimentation, great music, and lots of drugs and sex, and oh … so many promises.
Then came the seventies, and all that cool stuff about the planet, love, and peace got sucked up in a coke spoon, and the world turned inward back to selfish pursuits. By the eighties, we succumbed to the conservative rhetoric of an aged B-level movie actor; the hegemonic masculinity of old reared its head again, and it was business as usual. The opportunity for racial, gender, and sexual equality was snuffed out by the powers that be, and we lost momentum to change the planet.
Yet, I sense a return to that hopeful dream, that idealized goal of moving us toward harmony and balance, sans the cynicism of the last forty years. For generations Nature has crafted a group of humans specially designed to aid in that process, a group comprised of males and females, people of all races, religions, countries, creeds, and ages. This group of people we sometimes meekly refer to as the Highly Sensitive People.
There is nothing meek or mild or weak about this group. They are wise, insightful, brave, creative, and intuitive. They aren’t perfect people, yet they are perfect for this cause. They are the wise protectors, the cautious leaders, the thoughtful and empathetic priestly personalities sprinkled worldwide. This group is part of Nature’s recipe, a gentle ingredient in the human mix, one that adds the right amount of nutrition and flavor to enhance the taste and nourishment, but not enough to overpower or destroy. That is the mission for Highly Sensitive people.
The purpose, the mission, is to change awareness from the old model to the new. The new model is about equality, stewardship, using all sensory abilities, being thoughtful and kind, sharing, and loving one another—each for our unique gifts.
I’m not exaggerating; look around. Observe the world. The other eighty percent cannot handle this on their own. The world needs us now if we observe, listen, and feel.
We have inherent wisdom about all this. It affects us differently than it affects the non-HSP world. We feel it deeply; it won’t let us alone. We will struggle with it more year by year. That feeling in the pit of our stomach is Nature calling us, calling us into service. We need to trust that. Read More.
Creating the New Man Begins with the Sensitive Man Revolution
If change is to take place, we need to convert more men to the cause of balance. I think this is happening spontaneously now, yet slowly and quietly with little or no fanfare. Many younger men of Gen X and future generations are beginning to see the folly of the old traditional male role model, espoused by our fathers’ generation. There is still pushback from certain groups of men, who are best called traditionalists. These individuals tend to be conservative politically and tied to conservative and traditional religious groups. These men feel they have the most to lose by yielding more toward equality and will be the most difficult to convince that there is a new way.
However, by reaching out to more men of all generations, we help to liberate them from the old yoke of traditional masculinity, which for many men is a burden both emotionally and mentally. The most challenging precept for these men is that they become more masculine and more human by embracing the new male within themselves. Ironically, letting go is gaining new freedom they have never known.
Forced by Nature to be the basic construct of what the new male can be, HSMs can now freely be experienced guides, thoughtful leaders, and emotional sounding boards for the traditional males, helping them transition to more evolved, more human males. This transformation will not happen overnight. At best, it will be an intergenerational transition, as new boys will be taught from the outset about becoming feeling, intuitive, emotion embracing humans. They will learn to be strong and confident and yet in touch with the other yin aspects of their nature.
To my fellow HSP brothers, know this: we already have the strength we need to aid in this task. We are designed for this job. Evolution is a slow, purposeful grind. It mashes up that which is no longer needed and develops tools and features that will usher in the next stage of development. We HSP men are not fully developed either. We will need to evolve with our fellow males. This obligation may seem challenging at times, but we are the basic template. We can be the model from which Nature builds and refines the masculine. To allow this to flow through us, much like the chrysalis, we emerge more robust and resilient—humanity benefits. We must embrace this calling. Read More.
Are You Highly Sensitive?
Highly sensitive persons (HSPs) display four main characteristics framed by Dr. Elaine Aron with the acronym DOES. Although there are individual differences in HSPs, these four traits cover the widest spectrum of common, evidence-based attributes we see in HSPs.
The DOES acronym stands for:
D - depth of processing. HSPs generally process sensory, environmental, and emotional inputs much deeper than non-HSPs. This depth of processing adds dimension and creativity to our thinking. As a result, we are natural problem solvers when given the time and space to think.
O- overwhelm caused by overstimulation is another hallmark of HSPs. With the amount of deep processing and sensory inputs that we receive, it is not unusual for us to become overstimulated. There is a natural desire in HSPs to retreat or withdraw when overstimulation occurs. This is a normal process for us, in which we reenergize, refocus and renew our resources. This may seem to others to be somewhat anti-social. Still, it is not intended necessarily to shun others but rather to allow us to regroup in a quiet, private place free from unnecessary stimulation.
E - emotional reactivity. Not only are we deep processors of thought, but we are also deep processors of emotion. This deeply felt emotion often manifests externally, which seems to others to be over-emotional. The reality is that processing emotions at this level is taxing on our systems as it would be for anyone who has been through an emotionally charged life event. Even simple things can create deep emotional reactions. The other half of this is it helps fuel our intense levels of empathy. Fueled by our mirror neurons, we feel deeply for the plight of others. This reaction often drives HSPs to enter the helping professions as it is another natural behavior for HSPs to display.
S - sensing sensory subtleties. Our ability to process sensory inputs is very keen. For attention selection, the filters in our brains allow more sensory information to pass through for processing. This means we can detect subtle environmental cues that others miss. This ability makes us more aware of the environment and subsequently makes us more subject to environmental sensitivity, such as danger detection and discomfort. It enhances our observation skills, but sometimes there is a price to pay for the extra information. Overstimulation may occur if the sensory inputs are too much to handle.
If these characteristics seem familiar to you, you may be a highly sensitive person. To verify, I suggest you take the self-test that Dr. Elaine Aron has devised on her website to validate your assumption. To date, it is the only reputable test for determining high sensitivity. Click here to take the test. There is also a test for children and for those who identify as HSPs with high sensation-seeking tendencies.
Like many Highly Sensitive People, I often ask a simple question, “What’s wrong with the word Sensitive?” I mean, it’s a word with multiple meanings, but the one that we home in is the one that tells the story of our lives. Unfortunately, it is the one-word trait that is more often than not used in the pejorative to describe our nature that is either abhorred or tolerated by less sensitive folks.
We live in a culture that values emotional detachment, stone-cold decision making, logical, warrior-like capabilities that seem so distant from the core behaviors of the clan of highly sensitive people. Our culture views sensitivity as a weakness, a lack of discipline, control, or maturity. An unfair and false assessment, if there ever was one.
This judgment is especially hard on HSP males, who already have difficulty with the trait in lieu of expectations the culture sets for masculine behavior. Technically our trait is called sensory processing sensitivity, which is tied directly to environmental sensitivity theory. It embraces the notion that environmental sensory sensitivity is expressed on a spectrum from high to low. The term sensory processing sensitivity is a mouthful but sounds much more palatable than just plain “sensitive.”
Yet, here we are, almost thirty years after Dr. Aron coined the term highly sensitive persons, and we still struggle with the concatenation of that sensitive moniker. Sensitive men struggle with the brand. Stacked up against their non-HSP peers, it does make them seem to be, well, less masculine.
But, what does sensitive really mean? We know the term has multiple meanings, but why do we choose the most degrading definition. We need to do some serious renovation on how the term sensitive is used, dig a little deeper and put some fine points on the explanation of the term to truly capture the complex nature of high sensitivity and reframe the meaning. Read More.
Can Men Be Sensitive and Still Be Masculine?
From the vault of my personal experience
“Son, are you a man or a mouse?” These few words were delivered to me by my dad every time I got a bit too weepy as a little boy. Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, it was not wise for little boys to show too many traits of emotional sensitivity. Might look like a sissy, if you know what I mean. So, my father would chide me with this little question and I would abruptly stop my sensitive ways and buck up and act like the little man I was supposed to be.
This fit nicely into the Southern faux paradigm of manliness and toughness of which he and so many men of his generation subscribed. Hence, began a lifelong chorus of hearing: “you’re too sensitive”, “man up”, “toughen up” and “grow a pair.” Hearing this repeatedly, from males and females, makes one doubt, whether one is man enough to be a real man. After all, real men don’t eat quiche. And what is a real man?
As the years went by, I began to shield myself from this type of criticism by trying to live the manly life, I was taught to live. But it always felt a bit disingenuous and inauthentic. The older I got, the more I began to realize that what I was, no less a man, because I could feel deep emotion, get in touch with my inner core, and freely express the emotion within. When I began to read about the highly sensitive personality type, I felt vindicated and liberated. Dr. Elaine Aron gets a lifetime achievement award from me. And I’m sure a lot of HSMs feel the same way. Read More.
Why the World Needs Sensitive Men Now
In the sixties, a Broadway rock musical called Hair proclaimed that we were in the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. It was all new and shiny and promised a time of great awakening and peace. We waited and we waited and that never happened. The sixties was a time of new beginnings, great experimentation, great music, and lots of drugs and sex, and oh … so many promises.
Then came the seventies, and all that cool stuff about the planet, love, and peace got sucked up in a coke spoon, and the world turned inward back to selfish pursuits. By the eighties, we succumbed to the conservative rhetoric of an aged B-level movie actor; the hegemonic masculinity of old reared its head again, and it was business as usual. The opportunity for racial, gender, and sexual equality was snuffed out by the powers that be, and we lost momentum to change the planet.
Yet, I sense a return to that hopeful dream, that idealized goal of moving us toward harmony and balance, sans the cynicism of the last forty years. For generations Nature has crafted a group of humans specially designed to aid in that process, a group comprised of males and females, people of all races, religions, countries, creeds, and ages. This group of people we sometimes meekly refer to as the Highly Sensitive People.
There is nothing meek or mild or weak about this group. They are wise, insightful, brave, creative, and intuitive. They aren’t perfect people, yet they are perfect for this cause. They are the wise protectors, the cautious leaders, the thoughtful and empathetic priestly personalities sprinkled worldwide. This group is part of Nature’s recipe, a gentle ingredient in the human mix, one that adds the right amount of nutrition and flavor to enhance the taste and nourishment, but not enough to overpower or destroy. That is the mission for Highly Sensitive people.
The purpose, the mission, is to change awareness from the old model to the new. The new model is about equality, stewardship, using all sensory abilities, being thoughtful and kind, sharing, and loving one another—each for our unique gifts.
I’m not exaggerating; look around. Observe the world. The other eighty percent cannot handle this on their own. The world needs us now if we observe, listen, and feel.
We have inherent wisdom about all this. It affects us differently than it affects the non-HSP world. We feel it deeply; it won’t let us alone. We will struggle with it more year by year. That feeling in the pit of our stomach is Nature calling us, calling us into service. We need to trust that. Read More.
Creating the New Man Begins with the Sensitive Man Revolution
If change is to take place, we need to convert more men to the cause of balance. I think this is happening spontaneously now, yet slowly and quietly with little or no fanfare. Many younger men of Gen X and future generations are beginning to see the folly of the old traditional male role model, espoused by our fathers’ generation. There is still pushback from certain groups of men, who are best called traditionalists. These individuals tend to be conservative politically and tied to conservative and traditional religious groups. These men feel they have the most to lose by yielding more toward equality and will be the most difficult to convince that there is a new way.
However, by reaching out to more men of all generations, we help to liberate them from the old yoke of traditional masculinity, which for many men is a burden both emotionally and mentally. The most challenging precept for these men is that they become more masculine and more human by embracing the new male within themselves. Ironically, letting go is gaining new freedom they have never known.
Forced by Nature to be the basic construct of what the new male can be, HSMs can now freely be experienced guides, thoughtful leaders, and emotional sounding boards for the traditional males, helping them transition to more evolved, more human males. This transformation will not happen overnight. At best, it will be an intergenerational transition, as new boys will be taught from the outset about becoming feeling, intuitive, emotion embracing humans. They will learn to be strong and confident and yet in touch with the other yin aspects of their nature.
To my fellow HSP brothers, know this: we already have the strength we need to aid in this task. We are designed for this job. Evolution is a slow, purposeful grind. It mashes up that which is no longer needed and develops tools and features that will usher in the next stage of development. We HSP men are not fully developed either. We will need to evolve with our fellow males. This obligation may seem challenging at times, but we are the basic template. We can be the model from which Nature builds and refines the masculine. To allow this to flow through us, much like the chrysalis, we emerge more robust and resilient—humanity benefits. We must embrace this calling. Read More.
Are You Highly Sensitive?
Highly sensitive persons (HSPs) display four main characteristics framed by Dr. Elaine Aron with the acronym DOES. Although there are individual differences in HSPs, these four traits cover the widest spectrum of common, evidence-based attributes we see in HSPs.
The DOES acronym stands for:
D - depth of processing. HSPs generally process sensory, environmental, and emotional inputs much deeper than non-HSPs. This depth of processing adds dimension and creativity to our thinking. As a result, we are natural problem solvers when given the time and space to think.
O- overwhelm caused by overstimulation is another hallmark of HSPs. With the amount of deep processing and sensory inputs that we receive, it is not unusual for us to become overstimulated. There is a natural desire in HSPs to retreat or withdraw when overstimulation occurs. This is a normal process for us, in which we reenergize, refocus and renew our resources. This may seem to others to be somewhat anti-social. Still, it is not intended necessarily to shun others but rather to allow us to regroup in a quiet, private place free from unnecessary stimulation.
E - emotional reactivity. Not only are we deep processors of thought, but we are also deep processors of emotion. This deeply felt emotion often manifests externally, which seems to others to be over-emotional. The reality is that processing emotions at this level is taxing on our systems as it would be for anyone who has been through an emotionally charged life event. Even simple things can create deep emotional reactions. The other half of this is it helps fuel our intense levels of empathy. Fueled by our mirror neurons, we feel deeply for the plight of others. This reaction often drives HSPs to enter the helping professions as it is another natural behavior for HSPs to display.
S - sensing sensory subtleties. Our ability to process sensory inputs is very keen. For attention selection, the filters in our brains allow more sensory information to pass through for processing. This means we can detect subtle environmental cues that others miss. This ability makes us more aware of the environment and subsequently makes us more subject to environmental sensitivity, such as danger detection and discomfort. It enhances our observation skills, but sometimes there is a price to pay for the extra information. Overstimulation may occur if the sensory inputs are too much to handle.
If these characteristics seem familiar to you, you may be a highly sensitive person. To verify, I suggest you take the self-test that Dr. Elaine Aron has devised on her website to validate your assumption. To date, it is the only reputable test for determining high sensitivity. Click here to take the test. There is also a test for children and for those who identify as HSPs with high sensation-seeking tendencies.
HSP Men's Monthly Zoom Meeting
For the last few months, I have been hosting a monthly online gathering of HSP males from all over the world. It is a small group with a lot of interaction and great discussion as we share about our experiences in a friendly, open environment. If you would like to participate, fill out the form here. Come join us and check it out, no commitments nor costs.
For the last few months, I have been hosting a monthly online gathering of HSP males from all over the world. It is a small group with a lot of interaction and great discussion as we share about our experiences in a friendly, open environment. If you would like to participate, fill out the form here. Come join us and check it out, no commitments nor costs.