 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
In the sixties and seventies, a slew of movies depicted the disaffected American male anti-hero - Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry or the High Plains Drifter, Charles Bronson in Death Wish, Tom Laughlin as Billy Jack, Sylvester Stallone as Rambo, to name a few. These idealized males were seen as lone enforcers and protectors unfettered by convention, the law, or society. They were motivated by righteous indignation seeking vengeance who would break the law to enforce it. The history of these anti-heroes goes back to the stories of Robin Hood and Don Quixote and goes back even further to classic Greek drama. What makes these characters enticing is that there generally is an inciting event, usually a death, murder, or some severe wrong perpetrated by the villain against the anti-hero or something seen as valuable to the protagonist, and the remainder of the story is the ruthless pursuit of justice by the anti-hero. Of course, we know that the anti-hero follows a path of moral ambiguity. Still,the emotion of vengeance is the justification for the punishment meted out by our hero. Whether the codification of males as protectors influenced these stories or a preexisting code always has existed that informed the stories is debatable. Nevertheless, this model of men as overprotectors, wielding violence and lawlessness to justify the ends, needs to be revisited. It may make for great drama, a two-hour festival of schadenfreude, but is this model a model for boys and men to aspire to? Is there anything wrong with men wanting to be protectors? No, not necessarily. It is instinctive to want to protect the people you love and who are under your care. Therefore, it is natural to invoke protector mode when circumstances warrant this behavior. However, vigilantism is another matter. Vigilantism is when someone breaks the law to pursue their own version of personal justice. Taking the law into your own hands to promote violence to seek vengeance is a form of dominance and forced submission. Creating your personal justice to quell a surge of emotional vindictiveness is just plain wrong and, when acted upon by men, gives the masculine instincts to protect a bad name. This attitude translates heavily into other areas, such as politics, religion, and even corporate retaliatory actions, often spurred by egoistic individuals. A world of wrong-headed emotionalism about a perceived wrong leads to irrational actions that can have terrible consequences for all parties involved. Movies may popularize this notion of rightful vigilantism, but nowhere does humane and just law support it. Instead, our continued worship of anti-heroes and superheroes seems to perpetuate the myth of male exceptionalism, which sometimes requires men to disregard the law and preserve some mythical higher truth or justice. It’s an embarrassing truth that many American men have adopted this attitude. It traced its roots to the Dark Ages when the medieval aristocratic gentry waged private wars and feuds to exact revenge above and beyond the law. This notion of authority outside of the law created antecedents to what we now term hegemonic masculinity. When protectiveness goes wrong. If you have viewed the movie heroes, I listed above, you will note that they take vengeance to another level. It’s not always tit for tat but sometimes goes toward righteous indignation, where the anti-hero is judge and jury meting out punishment often above and beyond the crime. This type of protectionism illustrates a kind of ownership and dominance that many men feel they must provide for their loved ones. It is often about power and control. For example, the exuberant father who escorts his daughter on her first date, spies on her date, or worse, threatens the young suiter if he broaches the deadline to have her home. This is not about acknowledging the underlying anger that may accompany a wrong but the controlled behavior needed to remain calm and civilized. Regardless of the perceived wrongdoing, it is not about an individual’s justice but law and order. For too long, we have worshipped the hero that determines the crime and the punishment, the vigilante as the maverick hero. What is a better model for protecting one’s interests? For one, you can stop assuming that everyone is out to get your loved ones or you. But, on the other hand, it is not blithely ignoring the reality of crime in our society either. With all things, a sense of balanced vigilance will suit the purpose. As a protector, your role is to define the boundaries which you will defend if necessary. Boundaries provide a sense of identity and trust, safety, and security. Your job is to protect, not to control. Therefore, consider a measured approach that does not exceed the law. Learning to control explosive emotions such as anger or rage is important. Emotional regulation is difficult when events seem threatening but remaining calm gives you an advantage even if you are called into an active posture. Not only over your assailant but over your instinctive emotions. Channel as much into legal remedies as possible. In an emergency situation where life and death decisions are needed, protecting oneself and loved ones is paramount. Be skilled in delivering that protection, don’t go beyond the law, and don’t always feel you are vindicated by invoking violence. Are anti-heroes a valid model for men? Why are they so popular in movies? The American mythos of the lone gunman, the maverick vigilante, the expedient dispenser of justice, the fearless warrior, mighty and strong, not asking for help from the law but taking it upon himself to exact revenge. The notion that there is a noble purpose in their vengeance, a special holy mission to provide payback and enact this in an efficient and unobstructed way, appeals to our cultural definition of the ideal male. Much of this cultural iconography comes from our romanticized views of the American West, where miles of lawless territory presided by distant circuit judges far away and the idea that swift popular justice superseded the law—allowed for vigilantism to permeate our mindset. The appeal is palpable. It’s an emotional roller coaster. First, shock at the perpetuating event, then riding the emotional high to action (fight mode), and then completion at defeating the enemy, nicely wrapped up in two hours of celluloid emotional payoff. The problem with this model, although perfect for movies, is that it often plays out in real life. We see it in politics, social media, sports, and now sadly and ironically, at the Academy Awards. This model is not about balance. And, it doesn’t work for most men. Now, I know that I had experienced anger and rage when one of my loved ones was threatened. But unfortunately, I didn’t find out until after the fact, too late to do anything. As an HSP male, I often wonder what emotions would play out for me under some of these circumstances. We all have hot buttons and can be moved to action by uncontrolled rage or anger. However, as HSP males, we need to learn to regulate our emotions to use emotional energy for constructive purposes. I doubt that HSP males would make good vigilantes, but can we make good role models for calm and controlled defensive action. We, like all men, must learn to control our rage, anger, and fears. Channel the emotional energy into finding justice under the law. We should and must protect, as would any parent, the family or loved ones, and those we care for without submitting to raging violence and vigilantism. Please comment with your thoughts.
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 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
In the early seventies, when I was in college, a group of my friends and myself decided to signup for Transcendental Meditation training. It all seemed so cool and trendy to learn meditation. There was a student meditation society that trained us in the meditation technique that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi had taught the Beatles. Later on, that same group became part of the Maharishi University based in Iowa. One of the intriguing ideas they suggested was that Maharishi had said that it only would take about one percent of a target population to meditate on topics like peace and affect change. For example, the target population (a city) would note a decrease in violent crime. Later, it was changed to become the square root of one percent, but the point was that a small group of people with focused intent could change the world. I never forgot that. Over the past few years, I have stated that HSPs can have that same effect – The Maharishi Effect, if you will. We are a small number of people worldwide by percentages, but still, our numbers are significant. Dr. Aron has stated, as have other researchers, that the HSP characteristic is an evolutionary adaptation to aid the larger population of humans. The fact that the size of our community is small is also scientifically significant and makes are role to humanity clear. There has never been a time in human history when we need HSPs more to take on advisory and leadership roles to keep self-destructive human behaviors from destroying our species. I believe one of the drivers for this behavior is the long-held attachment to toxic masculinity. As I have stated before, masculinity is largely a cultural construct. Yet there is a form of masculinity that many men have adopted to represent their manhood that is toxic not only to women and children but also to men themselves. It is restrictive, non-inclusive, and goes against many fundamental human behaviors. HSP men can take a role in reshaping the distortion of masculinity by modeling behaviors that seem natural to us: empathy, emotional expressiveness, nurturing, intuition, and deep, careful thought. In effect, we can be role models for a new definition of what men can become. I have a three-pronged approach that I believe most HSP men can adopt to keep it simple. Become Knowledgeable About the Trait of Sensitivity First, we need to ensure that HSPs and particularly HSP men become more knowledgeable about the trait of sensitivity. Knowledge and understanding lead to acceptance. Many HSP men are reluctant to admit that they are sensitive. They have bought into or have been indoctrinated into the traditional male role model and feel that accepting sensitivity is a weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. We should focus on several items, which I think paint the trait more positively. One, look to the trait's origin as part of the Environmental Sensitivity Theory, which describes an organism's interaction and reaction to its environment. This leads to the idea that sensitivity is a basic human quality and falls on a spectrum from low to high. The adaptation characteristics fall across the human population. The high end is where the HSP community is found. Being sensitive is normal. Two, understanding the traits of high sensitivity, following the D.O.E.S. model that Dr. Aron has proposed. Some of the four characteristics (O & E) are external manifestations of the other largely internal characteristics (D & S). For example, deep processing and sensory acuity often contribute to emotional reactivity and overwhelm. These traits do not make you a freak or less of a man. Three, know that the HSP trait is evolutionary and is designed by nature. It is a safeguard to the species and is necessary. That makes you essential. Let that sink in. Finally, think of this trait as a human specialization. That makes you a specialist human. You're different, yes, but you were designed that way. So, learn and grow into the trait. Know the sources where you can learn more about the trait. Google high sensitivity, and you will find many sites to learn more. Stay with the reputable ones. Dr. Aron's would be a good place to start www.hsperson.com . In addition, you can join social media groups such as Facebook to learn and share with other HSPs and search for highly sensitive terms. Understand the traits' positives and challenges, realize what challenges are most vexing to you, and learn to ameliorate them or modulate them. Most of this might be simply learning how to regulate your emotions or calm your mind during overwhelm. Finally, see the trait as a gift, it may be a stretch at first, but with open eyes, you will see it eventually. Embrace and Be Proud of Who You Are Once you have learned the qualities, challenges, and gifts of the trait, begin reevaluating your life through your new knowledge and the prism of high sensitivity. When you understand the difficulties you experience are shared by millions of people worldwide, the feelings of isolation you may have had begin to dissipate. Be proud of who you are, part of an elite corps of individuals with purpose, meaning, and mission. Walk with confidence as a sensitive person, no matter what you call it or how you describe it to others. Remember the DOES model to aid you in being clear, accurate, and concise. No need to apologize, nor should you. Act by Modeling the Trait to Other Men and Boys I believe that all sensitive people have the capacity to affect change in the world, either small and local or large and global. So you can start now impacting the lives of all the people you contact, especially other HSPs, HSP children, young adults, and other men who may not be HSPs. Model the qualities you inherently know that are positive: kindness, compassion, empathy, nurturance, and intuitive thinking. Let your empathy be your compass; let your inner knowledge and intuition be your guide. You can impact the places you are at - work, your community, your family, your spiritual community, your friends, and your neighbors. We don't have to carry banners, protest, march or even organize. We can do this the HSP way, quietly, shifting minds with our actions and creativity. How HSP Men Can Change the World One major way HSP men can affect the world is by helping redefine how masculinity looks, feels, and acts. Begin discussing with other males and, when appropriate, the need for change, especially in how we behave like men. Show other men how emotional expression and sensitivity can be cathartic and useful tools in everyday life. Be the trail guide many men are looking for, especially younger men. You've walked the path before them; share your experience and knowledge with them. You don't need a PH.D. to do that. It is a time-honored tradition, the wisdom of the tribe you are sharing. And most of all, model the behaviors that are natural and easy for you more often than not. Lasting impactful change often takes years to manifest. Be patient; chip away like ocean water against the rocks. Understand that change is already occurring. Embrace the younger generations that are already cutting the path for this change. The shift will most impact them that many of them see as needed. Remember that we are all in this together, men, women, and children, HSP and non-HSP. The world is at a critical juncture right now. To course-correct for the massive ship of humanity is an enormous effort. Our children and grandchildren are counting on our counsel and support. Be an early adopter of the new man. You may be the prototype. Please comment with your thoughts.  Dr. Tracy Cooper is debuting a new, more positive name for Highly Sensitive Person. The guest article is his previously published announcement for how the new name came about and why it was chosen. Reprinted with permission.
Why I Am Now Using the Term High Sensory Intelligence Instead of Highly Sensitive Person Dr. Tracy Cooper, Ph.D. The use of the word ‘intelligence’ may raise a few eyebrows but allow me to lay out a simplified way we can reasonably and accurately use ‘High Sensory Intelligence’ as a better, non-stigmatizing popular culture term than the existing ‘Highly Sensitive Person,’ which carries with it deep emotional and cultural weight for many of us who identify with sensory processing sensitivity. Preface these remarks with this statement, I am NOT offering ‘High Sensory Intelligence’ as a replacement term for Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). SPS is the clinical scientific name you will see in the peer-reviewed journal articles. Sensory Processing Sensitivity will always be the official name of the trait originated by Elaine Aron, Ph.D. The pop culture term that is used out in the world, though needs to be immediately positive in tone, free of any negative stigma, and purpose driven; Highly Sensitive Person does not fulfill that role. I believe that ‘High Sensory Intelligence’ can serve us quite effectively. I realize that the use of the word ‘intelligence’ bears defining and articulating a rationale for its usage without getting beyond the scope of the way the word ‘intelligence’ is being used. There are many theories of intelligence but the one that I have found to be most appropriate in the way that I suggest relates to the work of cognitive psychologist, Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D., who has a particularly interesting personal story that many people who identify with Sensory Processing Sensitivity may also find compelling and that led him to suggest that a new way of looking at intelligence was needed. Scott’s story involves high test anxiety on IQ tests and his poor performance and classification as a special needs student until he was in 9th grade. IQ testing is primarily focused on linear reasoning and has its utility in predicting many factors in one’s life but is limited in its ability to encapsulate the real world of how humans live and develop over a lifetime. Enter Kaufman’s work to reframe intelligence, and education, as inclusive of the whole person and how we might honor curiosity, openness, creativity, and exploration. In his dual processing theory of intelligence, Kaufman integrates prior work, such as Gardener’s theory of multiple intelligences, which posits that intelligence is not finite, with his own unique perspective on the role of spontaneous forms of thinking, intuitive thinking, daydreaming, imaginative play, and learning that occurs incidentally (implicit learning). The way humans adapt to the demands of a given task, often increasing our capacities beyond our potential allows us to think of ‘intelligence’ as fluid, developmental, and real-world oriented. How does this include those who identify with sensory processing sensitivity? Sensory processing sensitivity is a personality trait, or adapted psychological mechanism, that evolved through the natural process of necessity meeting potential. In our hunter-gatherer period, not so long ago in geological time, humans needed to ‘read’ the natural environment with great skill to know where to find resources, viable areas for tribes to live at different points in the year, and to stay safe. Those who were higher in an overall sensitivity to both the natural and interpersonal environments proved to yield a slight advantage on the average, so sensory processing sensitivity remained in the gene pool to be passed down through the generations. In that vast time period, it was simple to understand the how and why of 15-20% of the population being more open and aware of danger but also opportunities. This developmental and whole-person view of intelligence imparts an intentionality and purpose to our lives as High Sensory Intelligence people. Many of us report being stigmatized early in life for a variety of reasons but imagine if there had been advocates and professionals in society utilizing different terminology to describe Sensory Processing Sensitivity! How much more accessible and inviting would it have appeared if High Sensory Intelligence were used to describe the intuition, deeper processing, high empathy, emotional range, and awareness of subtle nuance that Sensory Processing Sensitivity is known for? It is staggering and sobering to have to acknowledge the shallow and superficial level of rational thinking in our species where first-reaction judgements become set in stone, as with ‘highly sensitive person.’ If we truly wish for Sensory Processing Sensitivity to reach the 15-20% of the world’s population with this natural and neutral personality trait, we need to be adaptable enough in our messaging to recognize when a ‘pivot’ is necessary to move away from the stigma attached to a simple term. In short, there is a better term available that is adequately descriptive of the D.O.E.S. core features of Sensory Processing Sensitivity that is positive in tone and stigma free, High Sensory Intelligence. For those who speak or write about Sensory Processing Sensitivity often, here is a brief synopsis you might use to describe High Sensory Intelligence: High Sensory Intelligence is a personality trait with a purpose and that is to help all of us survive through changing and challenging times and circumstances. High Sensory Intelligence is
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The basis of Sensory Processing Sensitivity is rooted in Environmental Sensitivity Theory. Environmental Sensitivity Theory is concerned with organisms' relative reaction to environmental factors and has several components, one of which is Sensory Processing Sensitivity. This is an important framework for people with High Sensitivity to know and understand. It helps us understand the underlying structure of why we are the way we are in many ways. We now know that sensitivity is a part of a spectrum ranging from low (dandelions) to medial (tulips) to high (orchids). Sensitivity measures our reaction to stimuli in the environment, primarily sensory inputs. So it's not only about our sensing but our perceptions and, more importantly, our responses to this stimulus. This implies that those low on the scale have less reaction to environmental change and those with high sensitivity have greater reactions to the same changes. From an evolutionary standpoint, it made me wonder, were there significant differences in how low, middle, and high sensitivity affected survival – was one group more adept at survival over the other. Was one more adapted to change than the others? What implications does sensitivity have in adaptation? Or does each group have adaptations that enhance their survival rates based on their sensitivity? More on Environmental Sensitivity Theory Environmental Sensitivity Theory is rooted in the study of organisms' reactions and adaptations to environments. The theory is based on a framework of several sensitivity models that include the Diathesis-stress model (adverse environment response), Vantage Sensitivity (positive environment response), Differential Susceptibility (some individuals are affected more by negative and positive environments), Biological Sensitivity to Context (sensitivity is impacted by environment) and Sensory Processing Sensitivity (the genetic basis of high sensitivity - HSPs). The discovery of the SPS model by Dr. Elaine Aron, suggesting a genetic basis for individuals who process environmental sensitivity at a higher rate, has led to theories on a distribution model of general sensitivity within the human population. This theory has given rise recently to the flower metaphor, in which three distinct categories of sensitivity exist within the human population. This has implications for the adaptability of all three populations that may have some consequence for survivability. Are Low environmentally sensitive individuals better adapted? The reference for low environmentally sensitive (ES) individuals is to that of a dandelion. Dandelions are hardy, grow under the worst conditions, and are seemingly prolific. Does this make them less environmentally dependent? If so, would that not make them able to adapt to changing conditions much more readily – hence, would they be more adaptable and have a greater chance for survival? Yet, I wonder if this adaptability might not serve as a disadvantage? Since they are intrinsically less sensitive to environmentals and are more prone to take more risks within the environment. Would this also not put them in harm's way more often? Might this factor lead to an early demise or embolden them to take life-altering chances? Truly there are advantages to taking risks, but also consequences. Perhaps, there are good reasons why this group only makes up about 30% of the population. Responsivity is not correlated necessarily with sensitivity, so this is pure conjecture. But behavior is often driven by perception and the likelihood of perceived success. These behaviors might make these low-sensitivity types more likely to engage in risky behavior to explore and expand their life situations. This could be a good thing. High environmentally sensitive individuals and survivability If Low ES individuals are prone to risk and high adaptability, then what could be said of the High ES (HSP) individuals? Are the HSPs readily made and better suited for adaptability because of their caution, inhibition, and sensitivity to environmental conditions? Is this like a sixth sense about safety and survival? Yet, the theories propose that High ES individuals do much worse when environmental conditions are worse (see Differential Susceptibility) than when they are good. Does that make them less productive and less prone to survive? Are HSPs because of this tendency to do poorly in less ideal conditions making them less adaptive? Are HSPs more risk-averse if the conditions are harsher? But what if the HSP's cautious and mindful Nature makes them better at navigating extreme conditions avoiding high risks, and surviving at all costs. Would that not make them better suited to survive? HSPs make up about 20 % of the human population. The broad Middle environmentally sensitive individuals Considering the extremes, both high and low ES, would that make the medial ES individuals the best group for survival? The middle group would be less likely to take greater risks in the environment, be hardier than the top group, and combine the best of both high and low. Sounds feasible, but could they be more dependent on the High and Low ES groups for leadership, counsel, and guidance? Are there more followers in the group? Are they happier, more satisfied, and less likely to make changes because of their relative satisfaction? Again, this is all speculative—so many questions. Are the Low and Middle ES people, in some ways, dependent on the High ES group? As I have stated multiple times, Dr. Aron and others believe that Nature has baked in the High ES trait into the population for evolutionary/survival reasons. Could the High ES group be the wise and mindful group that, through the normal reactions to the environment, serve as the proverbial "canary in the coal mine?" Because of our sensitivity to environmentals, does this make us well suited to serving that purpose of divination, sage guidance, and early warnings? And would that make HSPs better advisors than leaders? What role does EST play in informing about this notion? I wonder if, in some ways, HSPs are more evolved humans. Better adapted to the best conditions, prone to thrive in the best conditions, and as a group a biomarker for seeking and living in the best conditions. Does EST say something about this? Does The larger population really need HSPs to survive? I guess that all three groups perform specific functions to aid in the survival of the larger group. Based on the EST model, it would seem that each group continues to survive because they serve a particular function for the aggregate. Each group is designed to adapt based on their requirements and would enhance the overall survivability of the species, covering the other weaknesses. I suppose every garden needs its dandelions, tulips, and orchids to thrive. Perhaps, that's how Nature has designed it. Please comment with your thoughts.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Like many Highly Sensitive People, I often ask a simple question, “What’s wrong with the word Sensitive?” I mean, it’s a word with multiple meanings, but the one that we home in is the one that tells the story of our lives. Unfortunately, it is the one-word trait that is more often than not used in the pejorative to describe our nature that is either abhorred or tolerated by less sensitive folks. We live in a culture that values emotional detachment, stone-cold decision making, logical, warrior-like capabilities that seem so distant from the core behaviors of the clan of highly sensitive people. Our culture views sensitivity as a weakness, a lack of discipline, control, or maturity. An unfair and false assessment, if there ever was one. This judgment is especially hard on HSP males, who already have difficulty with the trait in lieu of expectations the culture sets for masculine behavior. Technically our trait is called sensory processing sensitivity, which is tied directly to environmental sensitivity theory. It embraces the notion that environmental sensory sensitivity is expressed on a spectrum from high to low. The term sensory processing sensitivity is a mouthful but sounds much more palatable than just plain “sensitive.” Yet, here we are, almost thirty years after Dr. Aron coined the term highly sensitive persons, and we still struggle with the concatenation of that sensitive moniker. Sensitive men struggle with the brand. Stacked up against their non-HSP peers, it does make them seem to be, well, less masculine. But, what does sensitive really mean? We know the term has multiple meanings, but why do we choose the most degrading definition. We need to do some serious renovation on how the term sensitive is used, dig a little deeper and put some fine points on the explanation of the term to truly capture the complex nature of high sensitivity and reframe the meaning. Definition of Sensitive As stated above, the definition of sensitive in Webster’s is multi-tiered. I’m not going to recite the definition verbatim but will recap the main descriptions. The first definition is as an adjective referring to SENSORY. That’s it, one word - sensitive is a sensory-based term. So far, so good. The second definition states that sensitive is receptive to sense impressions. Again, good. That makes everyone sensitive. The third definition starts to get to the heart of the matter; highly responsive or susceptible to a) easily hurt or damaged – especially emotional hurt. Or b) delicately aware of attitudes and feelings of others. Now notice the keywords – hurt, damaged, and delicate. Not exactly how I’d like to be described when I say that I am sensitive. When we move to the noun definitions, we get: 1) a person having occult or psychical abilities. Or, and here it is 2) a sensitive person. Nowhere is the definition describing sensory processing sensitivity, not even like - one with the personality trait of sensory processing sensitivity. So when you have a word that describes over a billion people on the planet and no specific description of them or accounting of them in the dictionary, that’s why we have a problem with the word sensitive. Even in the Urban Dictionary, there isn’t a clear definition of the popular cultural definition of sensitive that accounts for HSPs. Yet, all HSPs are aware of the stigma that goes with the term sensitive, as it is popularly used to describe people with HSP characteristics. For example, we are often seen as emotionally weak, neurotic, or drama kings or queens. As for HSP males, we are seen as effeminate, ineffectual, and often self-absorbed and odd. None of this, of course, is true. I sometimes think we are often framed by the least sensitive people by these worst possible definitions simply because they cannot see, hear, feel, smell, and taste the world the way we do. Their ignorance drives the narrative about who we are. Their impatience with our deep processing ways exceeds their capacities to value our thoughtfulness. Their lack of empathy causes their name calling, and their largely extraverted ways do not tolerate our need for solitary solace. So this lower twenty percent, although more adaptable, yet less environmentally sensitive, are calling the shots…for now. Reframing the word “Sensitive” It’s not likely that we will be able to rename the trait to something that describes us in better ways. We are too far down the road for that. And, I do not, repeat, do not fault Dr. Aron for her choice of words. It was a command decision at a point in time, it fit, and she went with it. And that is what we have to work with. We can make the term more acceptable within the HSP community first. We have to have a definition that is empowering and something we can all get behind. The challenge is creating either a derivative of sensitive or perhaps developing a description that evokes the gifts and a certain degree of positivity to the word without losing the original intention depicting a highly sensitive person. The new sub definition of sensitive should be focused on strong words that imply the strengths and sensitivity of HSPs that suggest giftedness and normality. For HSP men, associating these positive descriptors will help in allowing more HSPs men to embrace the trait when seen in the light of its positive attributes. We almost need a collective push to get that idea out there. How to make the word more palatable. The next step is to socialize the new definitions to the masses. I like Dr. Tracy Cooper’s idea of metaphorically describing high sensitivity to a finely tuned measuring device. It reinforces the precision in which we sense the world yet implies a quirkiness that often occurs in such finely tuned tools as finicky but very environmentally sensitive. The upside and the downside go together, with the downside needing a bit more attention, but knowing that it does not negate the worth of the tool. By socializing such metaphors and descriptions, we can teach the strong traits of HSPs and their practical use to society (as implied by our evolutionary purpose). We can then build acceptance within the non-HSP audience. Most importantly, we need to empower HSP men to feel good about the term considering the definition limitations of present masculinity. And, with that, HSP men need to own the word sensitive and proudly speak of it. Addressing the sensitivity deniers There will always be those who deny that highly sensitive is a personality trait, often referring to it as a splash of common disorders. Even among the scientific community, there are doubters. Nevertheless, we can only do what we can do by planting seeds based on the emerging validating science. Looking at the spectrum of sensitivity, we should move forward educating the top 20 percent of the population that are HSPs. This group will be the low-hanging fruit. It may be necessary to convince even some of our own about the trait and sell them on its positives. The challenges within the trait are there too. We need to educate and train HSPs on coping and living with high sensitivity, showing them there is a benefit to being an HSP. It’s hard to realize the gift when you are constantly fighting fires. Next, we move to the big middle – the hump in the bell curve—the big 60 percenters. The upper 30% of that population will be the most like us, and I think they will be most open to accepting the trait in others and to some degree within themselves. So this group, together with us, represents the upper 50 % of the environmental sensitivity spectrum. This is where the greatest work will be done – acceptance of terminology and the trait. And the reframing of sensitive. The next 30 percent of the spectrum is on the downslope of the curve. We may be able to make some inroads here, but as the curve slopes downward, we will not receive complete acceptance, but we can convince some with persistence. Then, finally, the lower 20 percent. I think this will be a waste of time. We may never be able to convince them of the science, they see the world from their own lens, and it likely has no tolerance for highly sensitive people. Let them go. We should use metaphors and analogies to explain the trait in reaching out to others. For those that can comprehend the science, feed them that too. We can mix, match, and develop parables that everyone can relate to in describing who we are and why we are designed this way. Acceptance comes from understanding. Since language is the currency here, precise and uniform terms are important. That’s why I believe reinventing the term sensitive is less likely than reframing. Finally, realize this is going to take some time. Maybe a long time. Perhaps, generations to let the message sink in. Share with the young first. We are helping shape opinions for the next generations. This effort may seem trivial, but it’s important not only for HSPs but for humankind. Well, now the cat’s out of the bag, we don’t get do-overs… The cat is out of the bag, and the horse is out of the barn as the sayings go. Coming up with other terms may be difficult, and I’m not sure after nearly thirty years, we want to do a reset on the base term. Then, perhaps, new names will arise and be cast for the trait as more research is made available. But, for now, let’s work with what we have. There is nothing wrong with the word sensitive. My short-term advice is to try not to be, well, sensitive about the word sensitive. And that includes me. We need to start showing some pride in the trait as a group. Be armed with facts and science to shield against taunts and doubters. Stay calm, and don’t let emotions run high. We can do this if our message is consistent and persistent. Please comment with your thoughts.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
I have been attracted lately to the Chinese philosophy of Taoism. Attributed to Lao Tzu, the Tao Te Jing, or the book of The Way, is a wise book that instructs its readers on how to live life in harmony and balance. It is a small book filled with paradoxes, carefully crafted wisdom, and cryptic metaphors. Still, the passages make sense at a very deep and spiritual level with careful consideration and thought. As an HSP, the teachings resonate with me, and I have been applying some of the key elements into my life. It is indeed a practice. Like Buddhism, Taoism is a philosophy of life more than a religion without deity or dogma. The Tao represents all that is, yet it is not a thing, more like a pervasive, all-encompassing energy, incomprehensible and mystical. Yet, Lao Tzu encourages us to keep an open mind, allow the Tao to flow through us, and let go of egoistic control. I believe there is value for highly sensitive people to connect to the spiritual side of life. I have noted below ten basic tenets of Taoism from the Tao Te Jing, which with practice can become a part of a philosophy to live by. There is no need to abandon your current religious or spiritual practice as the Tao is versatile either as a philosophy or a spiritual practice. I have borrowed much from an online post by Kyle Kowalski at Sloww.co . Props to him for compiling this list. Here are the ten principles from Taoism to bring to your life.
Understanding the source of all that is, is an overwhelming feat. Life too often overwhelms us with its myriad challenges and obstacles. Learning to be connected with the Tao is a life lesson that enables one to “just be.” In a world of doers, letting go to “just be” is a remarkable acknowledgment that you don’t have all the answers on your own. The wisdom you seek is within the Tao.
The Taoist philosophy can be practiced without relinquishing your existing spiritual beliefs. On the surface, the writings appear to be obtuse and paradoxical, mysterious, and yet accessible for those who allow the flow to occur. For HSPs, self-reflection, solitude, peace and harmony, and the idea of “being” not “doing” seem natural for our personalities. The key to following the Tao is not to overthink the readings, let go of control, and learn to be in the flow. Like flow, it’s hard to describe, but once started on that path, it becomes easier and easier to grasp. In my view, it’s a perfect practice for our highly sensing, thoughtful, and spiritual natures. Please comment with your thoughts.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
In this article, I’m going to have some fun with prefixes. None of the words I’ll be talking about currently exist. Likewise, there is no evidence that any of the derivations of sensitivity exist or have been identified and named. This word exercise is just some experimental fun in word creation. Who knows, maybe someday these descriptors will be a thing. Please take this in the same spirit it is offered. In the past, I have described the various levels of sensitivity. (see Blog) The idea that sensitivity falls on a spectrum has gained traction lately with the Flower Metaphor. To quickly summarize, those individuals with the highest levels of environmental sensitivity are classified as Orchids, corresponding to the particular environmental requirements that Orchids thrive in. Next, we have Tulips, a hardier plant representing the vast middle of the sensitivity spectrum. Finally, we have the Dandelions, the least environmentally sensitive individuals, yet the sturdiest. But can we get even more granular than that? Yes, I think, with a little imagination, we can delineate even more types of sensitive folks. So take this commentary for what it is, part tongue in cheek and part quasi-scientific. The Broader Spectrum of Sensitivity In this post, we continue to elaborate on the sensitivity spectrum. Sensitivity applies to all humans. It is a human characteristic. To be more precise, we term high sensitivity at the top end of the sensitivity spectrum, the top twenty percent of the range. Can we account for some deviations of sensitivity not yet named? Does that add more gradation points on the spectrum? Using common prefixes and attaching them to our base word of sensitive, can we fine-tune even further the sensitivity curve to account for some uncommon types of sensitivity? Let’s see. How about the term – Asensitive? According to Webster’s the use of the a- prefix turns the term it precedes into not or without {term}. In the case of our exercise, would an asensitive person not be sensitive? Or could it be a highly sensitive person who removes themselves from the environment so as not to be sensitive? These individuals might be sensitive averse. They might display avoidant behavior to overwhelm, overstimulation, or withdraw simply to avoid too much sensory stimulation. How would you describe an asensitive person? What about the term Unsensitive? This term is not to be confused with insensitive, also called rude or cold. An unsensitive person would be, according to our word building lexicon, a person who would be the opposite of a sensitive person. It could mean the person was removed from being sensitive or ceased to be sensitive. For example, would a narcissistic person be unsensitive? Would an unsensitive person be described as thick-skinned? As opposed to the thin-skinned, highly sensitive person? Is an unsensitve person less focused on others (agentic) and a sensitive person more communally focused? Would unsensitive persons be genetically predisposed to being less empathetic? Does unsensitive correspond to the term unempathetic? What do you think? Could there be a term like Dis-sensitive? If so, what would be the difference between an unsensitive person and one that is dissensitive? One distinction might be that unsensitive people can be negatively sensitive and sometimes even hypersensitive as long as the stimulus is directed directly to them or about them. For example, even narcissists can be sensitive to criticism. Yet unsensitive people are still not able to be empathetic to others. The dis- or dys- prefix added to our term sensitive would imply that deprivation of sensitivity might be at play. Or perhaps a deliberate or constructed absence of sensitivity. Dissensitive people might be unaffected by their sensitivity either by mental health issues or sometimes a type of personal choice to simply not show any sensitivity to the environment, perhaps because of an extreme environmental upbringing. Kind of an artificial boundary issue in the extreme. And finally, what the heck would auto sensitive be? Here’s one we could have a lot of fun with. Adding auto to our root word might make this person self-taught on sensitivity or imply some type of automatic behavior regarding sensitivity. This might be someone who has learned to be sensitive beyond their normal place on the spectrum, hypersensitive or even highly sensitive. This individual may not normally be highly sensitive but uses elevated sensitivity to garner attention because it creates a reaction. Or maybe they have histrionic personality disorder, and it appears they are extremely sensitive to everything. Or is this even possible? Okay, so this little exercise has been fun. As more research comes out about sensory processing sensitivity, we’ll learn more about the trait and even some of the differentiation patterns. It may add even more granularity to the spectrum and cast light on deviations of normal sensitivity. Perhaps some words/terms will be used, but with more refinement. It may never look exactly like this or even at all, but I do believe at some point, we will start to see more detailed typology within the HSP community. What other terms might you use in describing sensitivity? Jot them down in the comments section. Please share your thoughts in the comment section.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
At some point in your life, divorce will touch you. It could be you, a friend, a family member, or even your parents. Divorce touches us all. Because HSPs feel more deeply, this can mean that we can be more impacted by strong emotions and the adverse effects of couple breakup and may leave lasting impressions on us. I have been divorced twice in my life and know how this impacted my children and me. It can create a sense of failure, inadequacy, or even great guilt if your actions hurt someone else. I wanted to touch on this, especially with and for HSPs, because divorce has become so common. It makes me think that the old romantic ideal of one love, one marriage, and the lifelong commitment to that notion is becoming archaic. Should we be looking now at a new model for coupling relationships? How does this impact HSPs? HSPs and Love Dr. Elaine Aron, noted for her work with HSPs and defining the trait, is also with her husband, Arthur Aron, considered one of the leading authorities on love. Divorce is regarded as a significant stressor event in a person's life. Emotions run the gamut from disappointment, fear, anger, a sense of failure, and rage. The feelings can be quite intense in HSPs going through split-ups. Dr. Aron cautions us first to understand the difference between love and attachments. The is a key distinction because love is an attraction to someone that is strong and deep and causes you to want to be near them, understand and know them fully, and help them as much as possible. Attachments form when others meet a need, forming an instinctual bond. The key differentiator is that we always create attachments to people we love, but we don't always love the person we are attached to. The attachments are the sticky glue that binds us to people even when the initial reason for bonding is departed. Because shame and guilt are often twin shadows lurking in and around divorces, these strong emotions often impact HSPs more because of our psyches' self-reflecting and self-deprecating nature. HSPs are always finding ways to hang on to responsibility to others and often overlook our needs. The guilt and shame of the relationship often land on our shoulders. HSPs being the conscientious souls that we are, often are the least likely of the couple to end the relationship, even if it is in our best interest. In addition, because we are less impulsive, we don't always rush out of relationships to seek other alternatives; therefore, we dig in and try to hold on to the relationship we know. HSPs are naturally good partners because of our loyalty, our cognizance of the state of the relationship, our tendency towards deeper love, and establishing deep meaning in the relationship. Yet, one of our greatest weaknesses may be our avoidance of conflictual emotions, which may spur avoidance behavior which is not always healthy in a dynamic relationship. Is the divorce rate in HSPs greater, lesser, or about the same? Yet, even with that, HSPs don't appear to have a greater tendency towards divorce than non-HSPs. I feel that we value the comfort of a relationship, belonging, and having a significant other, more so than the pursuit of a replacement, which is often a difficult and taxing process for HSPs. We will endure a painful and turbulent relationship to avoid the inevitable uncomfortable divorce. But does that make us more difficult to love? Does our partner have to guess more about what's ticking inside us? Both good and bad. Could that lead to more choppy waters for HSP relationships, even if the immediate outcome is not divorce? How do HSPs/HSS personalities do in matters of love? And what about the HSP wildcard, the High Sensation Seeking (HSS) HSP? These individuals tend to look for novelty in life, albeit with a cautious HSP nature. Could this impact relationships for those HSS/HSPs that may easily be bored? Does boredom alone lead to divorce? Dr. Aron has suggested that HSPs are prone to boredom in relationships, but does that necessarily drive them to divorce? Not necessarily. At this point, there isn't enough research on HSS/HSPs and divorce to draw any kind of conclusion. We can step out on a limb and say it might suggest a greater tendency towards disinhibition and higher boredom susceptibility. HSS/HSPs might experiment with behaviors that would lead to extra-marital affairs. We know that this type of behavior is a leading cause of divorce. Handling divorces and the strong emotions and separation. A divorce is a high-stress event. On the Life Change Index, it ranks just below Death of a Spouse as the highest source of stress in one's life, with Marital Separation following closely behind. As mentioned before, the high-stress emotions surrounding divorce make navigation separations and divorces some of the most difficult life challenges anyone can face. HSPs, by their nature, will likely amplify these emotions making divorce a difficult and turbulent situation for highly sensitive souls. If we as HSPs are in this situation, it is important to remember not to overwhelm ourselves with feelings of guilt and shame. If your partner is the source of this, be sure to set boundaries and work on your self-esteem. Protect yourself from unrelenting attacks from your partner if they are acting like a wounded animal. Realize that you are not perfect and that no one is. If you caused the pain, the rift, or the split, own your part and be honest for your reasons. It is never easy for an HSP to hurt someone they have loved or are in a relationship with. We often own the burden for life's imperfections, even if we have no way to control them. It is our nature to protect those dear to us, even at our own expense. Most importantly, the stigma of divorce is less today than it used to be. If you find you are in an uncomfortable, unworkable relationship, and you have done all that you can manage to work through the problems, then leave with your head up, knowing that you did your best. Sometimes, love leads us into impractical relationships for nothing more than a biochemical high. When that fades, we see through the veneer to sometimes untenable foundations. This is always an individual decision, weighing up the costs and the benefits of the relationship. No one benefits if you are miserable, admit the mistake and move on. Patch up where you can and consider the fallout to the family. It's never simple. I've never known a no-fault divorce nor a divorce as easy as tearing up a contract and walking away. What is the future of marriage? According to research, the trends around marriage and family suggest that more adults live in non-traditional living arrangements, more children live in single-parent homes, there is a lowering in fertility rates and increases in older populations. Increases in cohabitation have occurred, the divorce rate is rising, and more changes in gender roles. Marriage is being postponed to a later time in life, if at all. Many things can be speculated about these trends. However, I suspect that we are moving towards a time when parochial reasons for marriage are waning. Aside from property ownership and full spousal benefits, marriage may be declining because it has become an archaic institution. The premise of marriage and creating a family in the past generally have required certain gender-based rules about roles and responsibilities. Today, the gender role issue is fully on fire, and I suspect that within a generation will aid in architecting a new form of marriage. Which indeed may be more fluid due to the liquidity of our modern lives. In today's world, marriage must survive the stressors of working couples, finances, sexual boredom, gender roles and responsibilities, and of course, raising children. Where this leads is anyone's guess. Wherever it goes, HSPs will be in the thick of it. We may need to adapt our lifestyles, love, and relationship styles to match the changing form. This may be challenging for many HSPs, although I suspect we will manage just fine. Although "love and marriage, don't always go together, like a horse and carriage," love will always endure. Some of us are serial lovers, some are serial monogamists, while others are strict monogamists bound for life, while a few opt for the celibate life. Good luck with your love choices. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. The Sensitive Man – Crossing the Point of No Return- Violence in America, How HSPs Can Help12/5/2021  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
January 6, 2021, was a landmark day in American history. For the first time since 1812, the Capitol of the United States was stormed by violent protestors, armed to the teeth, and determined to plunder, stop the business of Congress, and even kill lawmakers. As the insurrection investigation continues, it is sure to reveal that this was not a moment of random insanity but rather a well-planned and orchestrated coup attempt by right-wing militia to overthrow the government. The striking thing about this was not the stated intent of this group of malcontents, but the degree that they would execute their cause using aggressive and violent means, including the murder of congresspersons and the Vice President of the United States. That common citizens would use violence to further a cause punctuates how desperate Americans seem to want affect change. Every day across the country, random acts of violence manifest in shopping malls, grocery stores, parking lots, schools and our highways. To look at this objectively and non-politically requires one to take the acts as a whole, a sociological phenomenon that continues to peak fueled by social media, irresponsible political pundits, and the media's obsession with broadcasting this as if it were a sporting event. The question begs to be asked, have we lost our ability or capacity to be appalled at the human abuse taking place all around us? Have we lost the ability to suppress our violent rages and appeal to our greater selves? Or is something else at play here? Hostilities and anger Where is this rage coming from? Given we are a divided and polarized society – politically, socio-economically, and ethnically. Do these divisions cause the anger that we see tearing our society apart? This hostility feels like something new, rage to violence amongst normal everyday citizens. Often with no remorse and with intent to do physical harm. Like raging a four-year-old with no emotional regulation, the anger and violence is now condoned as vigilantism, the right to carry military-grade weapons on the street, and the willingness to breach societal norms about restrictions on violence and retaliation. This is now turned epidemic in nature and is something we all should be very concerned about. When you hear calls from people on the left to take arms, you know the violence is going too far. Inhibition to violence When humans go beyond the normal restraints on violence to others, the descent into chaos and anarchy is close behind. We have moved beyond self-defense and protection to aggressive violence attacking the "other" intent on solely harming. It seems purgative, and the release of rage is hair-trigger and unpredictable. Although overall crime numbers are coming down over the last decade, the incidence of violent hate crimes is going up dramatically. These crimes fall along the lines of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and religion. Political leaders and authorities within the society remain either neutral, passive, or worse, outright encouraging, sometimes egging on the masses. With this approval, the disinhibition continues towards a violent means to an end that is not clear. This all is an offshoot of unbridled anger and appeals to lesser emotions. It's as if society has become intoxicated with self-righteous indignation that manifests in violent acts. What's wrong with our amygdala's? The human amygdala is responsible for controlling our brains' flight or fight response. To some extent, its interaction with other brain areas to activate specific responses seems to be stuck in the on position for determining aggressive fight response as of late. An overactive amygdala rewired by trauma can often lead to behaviors associated with psychological disorders. The amygdala reacting to visual and sound inputs can overact to potential threats, creating a gut, knee-jerk response that can lead to violence. And yes, it can get stuck. Have we reached a point of no return? Not to be dire, but HAVE we reached a point of no return? What is causing this triggering mechanism to fire, continually sending out waves of an overreaction? Is it just political rhetoric, social media, or reaching a point of no return? Is there any way to get this under control without a violent revolution? As a culture and as a species, we are at a pivot point. The world is too small; it moves too fast to ignore this. We can tear ourselves apart or start patching up the human body politic and start the healing necessary to allow us to continue and one day to thrive again. This is no small matter, and the task is great. Highly sensitive people can be those great healers the world needs. How can we help? How HSPs can help Many things can be done, all things that HSPs excel at. But, if HSPs are the cautionary and wise ones that nature has provided humanity to sense and suss out the problems, what exactly can we do to help this situation? Here are some suggestions.
Conclusion HSPs are naturally suited to being peace givers. We are driven towards harmony and balance. This natural energy can be channeled and needs to be taught to our more violence-prone brothers and sisters. We need to teach today's children how to cope with feelings of anger and frustration, with techniques that have helped us deal with the same problems. We need to bring the pipe of peace, be the bearers of the light and understanding. We also need to understand that this is a long-term fix and will not happen overnight. Some of us will have to step out into the fray to break the cycle—no riding the fences on this one. Join peaceful protests, and don't let the anger tempt you to violence. Protect yourself, but always believe there is a peaceful solution first. Please share your thoughts in the comment section.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
As much as we try to portray in the most positive of lights the trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), there is a dark side of the trait that those with SPS are very familiar with. No, it’s not sinister nor evil in that sense of darkness, but it does often cast some shade into the lives of highly sensitive people. Sensitivity is not all about goodness and light. HSPs cannot always be about accommodating the needs of others, being kind, thoughtful, and unselfish. Sometimes we need to be selfish, and sometimes that can be confounding to others, and some might say, ugly. Most HSPs know the side of which I am speaking. The darkness of mood, an almost self-indulgent need to be alone, can sometimes make us appear as prima donnas or divas or just plain arses. This can materialize when emotions go unregulated and allowed to manifest, like bats on the wing. As people who live a considerable amount of time inside our mental worlds, we often leave the outside world out on what is happening deep within. As a result, complex emotions, deep thinking, sometimes rumination can leave us depleted, confused, angry, or bitter, and the world sees the worst side of us. What is the dark side of high sensitivity? It has been noted that HSPs are prone to depression. We are inclined to this in both mild and extreme forms. The way we perceive things, process too much sensory data inputs, and sometimes overstimulation coupled with our ability to deep process this data can lead us to some pretty dark places within our psyche. Our need to be alone often can reinforce this darkness in the absence of reliable external sources to refute the thoughts that carry us downward. Our need to think ourselves through this, make it right, and often go it alone. We can be pretty selfish with our alone time, sometimes even being negligent to others or allowing it to get ugly with those who don’t understand. This leaves us isolated, frustrated, not fitting in, and feeling misunderstood. Very often, we suppress normal but uncomfortable emotions to please others. If the emotions are conflictual or confusing, we can bury them to get along. Unfortunately, this suppression of emotion can lead to a host of other mental health issues: depression, anxiety, stress, and physical health-related problems. Many HSPs have been socialized to believe that strong emotion is not appropriate behavior and that dealing with emotion should remain stoic and hidden. All this does is negate our true selves, repress our strong feelings, and destroy confidence and self-esteem. This also can lead to resentment. One of the most common HSP emotions is that of anxiety. Not sure of who we are or how we fit in, HSPs can become overly anxious about everything from physical appearance, to performance, to social activity and anything that puts our often-hidden selves front and center to the world. We can become anxious about how the world perceives us and how we best function in it. Social anxiety is a real thing for us. And can affect profoundly if and how we interact with the world. Moodiness, ah, moodiness. Because we often hide our real feelings until we can’t, the change in mood leaves many surprised, hurt, or angered by our sea change of emotions. To the outside world, this is the dark, mysterious world of sensitivity. The world sees this as problematic, leaving us to feel guilty for finally expressing our deepest emotions. This guilt has a dark side to it because we feel disconnected and abnormal. The world sees us a drama kings or queens. Then there is repressed anger, then explosiveness- perhaps, one of the most noticeable emotions is anger suppressed, then released explosively. It catches others off guard, usually unprepared for such an outburst. Usually seen by the world as meek and mild, an HSP who has reached a boiling point can be quite surprising when anger is unleashed. It surprises us HSPs, too. Not always cathartic, it can leave us embarrassed, apologetic, and feeling guilty for showering the stored anger at an unsuspecting recipient. Showing our human side, good and bad, can be troublesome for introspective HSPs. How we see it. We often see our moodiness or feelings as defects- because of the external negative feedback we get from our family, friends, and peers. It can be embarrassing to watch our moods change like floodwaters sweeping down across our life’s landscape. The anxiety we experience can be a roadblock to our growth. In the absence of externalizing our feelings, thoughts, and ideas, we miss the opportunity to share our deep thoughts. But, fear of criticism or non-reciprocation leaves us suspicious of fully participating in life. This fear is very real and is our invisible barrier towards the outside world. Our anxiety is our signal, our warning to be cautious in the extreme. We feel guilty about the moodiness once it has passed, but it may make us wary about expressing emotion later for fear of alienating others. As a result, society disfavors those with mood swings. The anger, once surfaced, leaves us feeling incompetent and apologetic for having expressed such intense feelings. This creates a loop of further suppression, which is not healthy. How the world sees us. Let’s face it, sometimes the world sees us as perpetrators of drama because of the cycle of on and off again emotion. But, unfortunately, in our culture, intense feeling is equated with manipulation or lack of discipline. Our need for decompression is seen as being socially dysfunctional. We are seen as social snobs or, worse, weird isolates who shun human contact. When told about our need for downtime, we are just told to soldier on. The world is confused about who we are and why we function the way we do. Perhaps, rightfully so. The word needs to get out wide and far about high sensitivity – the obvious gifts and the sometimes unfortunate drawbacks. Because the outside world cannot see our internal workings, they often try to control us or fix us. Dealing with the dark side. Emotional suppression is seldom a winning strategy. Learning to regulate emotions appropriately for the moment is the name of the game. Regulation is not suppression. Channeling the emotions, dealing with the intensity, calming the mind and body will go a long way to helping HSP emotional draws. Be more transparent to the extent that you allow the outside world to know what you are dealing with on the inside. Find sympathetic companions who understand. Stand unafraid in your sensitivity. Learning to deal with your comfort zone is very important and can be useful in coping with anxiety. The work is expansion, not jettisoning your ego to far-off worlds outside of your protective bubble. It’s there for a reason, but not to cage you. Grow it, and your life will grow, and the anxiety will drop. Learn to retreat for downtime gracefully. Explain to family, friends, and those around you the physiological and constitutional reasons you need rest. There is no need to apologize for this; it’s who you are and what you need. Do it without apology. Follow up and learn as much about SPS as possible to help educate others and create a welcoming environment for you and other HSPs. Remember, all emotions/moods will pass. Ride the wave like a surfer. It may be uncomfortable, but you can get the hang of it. Learn to eat the right way for HSPs, for your body. Rest (whatever your requirements are), learn brain training, mindfulness, or meditation to help your brain be more resilient. Take care of your body as well as your mind. Finally, if you are depressed or if anxiety is debilitating, seek out professional help. Some things are bigger than you. Do not be ashamed of getting the assistance you need. Conclusion There is a duality with high sensitivity. With the intensity of sensory data, emotion, and passion comes the darkness of overstimulation, overwhelm, moodiness, and emotional reactivity. Do not despair; the trait is nonetheless a great gift that nature has outfitted you with. Regardless of the hazards and obstacles we encounter, the darkness will always fade into the light with care. Unfortunately, we are never taught early enough in life to regulate our feelings, but there are many techniques, tools, and practices that can help with the roller coaster life sometimes places us upon. Learn them and apply them and teach them to other HSPs. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. |
AuthorBill Allen currently lives in Lutz, Florida. He previously lived in Bend, Oregon. He is a certified hypnotist and brain training coach at BrainPilots.com. He believes that male sensitivity is not so rare, but it can be confounding for most males living in a culture of masculine insensitivity which teaches boys and men to disconnect from their feelings and emotions. His intent is to use this blog to chronicle his personal journey and share with others. 
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