A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
One of the big four traits of Highly Sensitive People is the propensity for overstimulation, often referred to as overwhelm. Sensory inputs become too much to handle, and the finely tuned HSP systems begin to shut down or, at the very least, require downtime. This time is essential for HSPs to regroup, recover and restore. All HSPs will experience this at some time or another. Many in difficult work or home environments  experience this frequently.

For some of us, this overwhelm is embarrassing, especially for HSP males, who struggle with their masculine pride to admit that emotions, environments, and engagements can cause us to go into shutdown mode. We have been socialized to believe that this type of reaction is a sign of weakness-- not being able to tough it out and press on. But can we control overwhelm? Head it off at the pass at the first sign of onset?  And more importantly, should we? Is overwhelm a sign of an undisciplined mind?

Let’s see.

What is overwhelm?
What happens to the highly sensitive mind when it reaches overwhelm? Because HSPs process stimuli at a much deeper level both internally and externally, they often get caught in cycles of strong visceral and mental reactions, leading to depletion, exhaustion, and overstimulation.  With poor coping skills or lack of support, many HSPs find themselves caught in a vicious cycle of overstimulation, shutdown, and then overstimulation again. This cycle is exceedingly exhausting and leads many HSPs into avoidant or withdrawn behavior. This behavior compounds personal and socially derived stress and stigmatizes the HSP into feeling negative about themselves and their ability to cope. And emotional reaction is often the root cause of overstimulation.

Without getting too much in the weeds about the anatomy or dynamics of emotions, emotions play a large part in human behavior, and for HSPs, emotions are our currency. Much has been said about the limbic system, particularly the amygdala, in driving emotional response. The amygdala is most often associated with fear response and plays an essential role in alerting to danger, including fight or flight.

However, there appears to be a three-tiered model for the emotional function that works above and below the limbic system or the midbrain. At the base,  the brain stem contains a primary stimulus-response adaptive reaction. From there, emotion moves up to the more complex reactivity within the hypothalamus and thalamus, followed by memory and cognition of the limbic/cortex neural networks. Each level represents more complexity of the emotional response to the environment.  From an evolutionary standpoint, the continued higher-level function extends and expands the brain functioning not to replace earlier, more superficial structures but to enhance them. The use of memory paired with emotion allows for past experiences reference to determine future action.  This apparatus is key to enhancing recall by pairing memory with emotion to provide a more robust memory encoding.

This encoding of memory energized by emotion makes recall of important data significant for survival. The use of cortical influence on the limbic system to throttle emotional response signifies the importance of these higher-order facilities to allow, especially in primates, to moderate, simple stimulus-response towards more directed goal-oriented behaviors that may serve a broader and more adaptive reaction. In short, this means that we as humans can use our critical thinking capacity to redirect automatic emotional responses with more directed thoughtful actions. This ability is vital to when thinking about our ability to regulate emotional overwhelm.

Emotions may be triggered both bottom-up, which generally follows the stimulus-response model, much of which is reactive and spontaneous, or top-down, a self-created stimulus that causes the rudimentary response of the lower level to fire.  This suggests that our emotions can be created automatically and instinctively or through self-initiated and controlled processes. The point is that we can control our emotional response, which leads us to the idea of emotional regulation.

The Benefits of Emotional Regulation for HSPs
Emotional regulation, which is often advocated by Dr. Aron to alleviate emotional overload, has many benefits for HSPs. Emotional regulation is the ability to respond to the demands of a wide range of human emotions with socially tolerable responses that allow for both spontaneity and restriction of emotion when warranted. It covers a wide range of processes that include feelings, physiological responses, thoughts, and bodily actions. 

This capacity to regulate our emotions can aid in maintaining clear vision, focused and appropriate responses, and developing a calm mind. Part of the strategy of handling emotions is to allow the emotional experiences to flow through you and not overwhelm you. Understanding that you can override what would appear to be an automatic reaction with a thoughtful strategy will allow you to “flip the bit” in your mind turning from a panicked response to calm and thoughtful action. Putting the attention on the control and not on what would ordinarily be an automatic response.  A process model suggests several strategies used for emotional control, not all of which are ideal.

1. Situation Selection – this involves choosing to avoid or approach an emotional situation. By removing yourself from a condition that elicits high emotional responses, you can avert an emotional overreaction. This is a conscious choice but does require a certain amount of awareness of possible situations and their likely outcomes.
2. Situation Modification – involves either changing an external situation to affect emotional impact or altering internally via cognitive Change your reaction to the effect. This action could be putting physical space between yourself and the problem or injecting a change in the direction of a conversation to avert conflict.
3. Attentional Deployment – May involve techniques such as distraction by diverting one’s attention away from the emotional stimulus, which aids in filtering out high impact content, rumination – although not a preferred strategy because it is the genesis of worry, it can serve to help down-regulate intense emotion, and finally some elements of thought suppression can stop incessant emotional content from dominating mind space, but this must be attended carefully.
4. Cognitive Change – is the idea that we can change the way we appraise and react to an emotional situation via reappraisal or the reevaluation of the merits of the emotion, distancing or placing a more objective take on the feeling, or injecting humor or lighthearted takes on the situation to control an overbearing emotion.
5. Response modulation – this is a direct attempt to suppress the expression of emotion. It inhibits the free-flowing expression of an undesirable emotion and is not often productive and can be interpersonally counterproductive. We, as HSPs, are often taught to suppress emotion to be more socially appealing. Perhaps in some situations where a virulent or violent temper tantrum may need to be controlled, but how effective suppression is as a long-term strategy is questionable.

How Do We Get to Managing Our Emotional Overwhelm?
So, as highly emotional creatures, how do we get to the point where emotional regulation is natural and easy for us. It so often seems that we react without much thought to emotional stimulus and create overwhelming situations that drive us to shut down and then downregulate to achieve a sense of calm. This seems quite natural for many HSPs, but is it necessary? Is this just a matter of learning to discipline our minds or, better yet more efficiently use them?

How can we train our minds not to overreact? Aside from some of the other strategies suggested above, can we retrain our minds to bypass the emotion => overreaction => overwhelm cycle automatically? In short, I believe we can.

One of the first things in changing behaviors is to become mindful of the behavior. Start by looking for triggering events; these usually happen in patterns. What triggers you? We all have our buttons, and to control the reaction, you must first identify the trigger. We do this by observing our patterns. We all have patterns. Humans are notoriously creatures of habit. If you follow the patterns, you will be able to observe the triggers and reactions. Many of our patterns are automatic behaviors, also known as automaticity. These behaviors often operate below conscious awareness and can seem to pop out of nowhere. By being mindful, we can trace back to the trigger and response to find and observe the pattern at beginning of the reaction.

The idea is to disrupt the pattern by use of explicit attention by the conscious mind, altering the outcome. The disruption of the pattern breaks off the response, allowing you to deconstruct what happened. Understanding the mechanics, without necessarily exploring the deep roots, will at least give you the ability to create a different state, perhaps, one of calm detachment. Now, aware of the pattern, you can deploy one of the process model strategies suggested or create your own. Deep seeded issues will need to be pursued with a qualified therapist. Still, for everyday emotional problems, this can aid in regulating your emotional responses and even increase your Emotional Intelligence. Learning to perceive, use, understand and manage your emotions can empower you to take control of what we often see as the uncontrollable fire hose of emotional reaction. It may simply be training, control, and discipline.

Towards creating the foundation for mindfulness awareness of our emotional patterns, we must first engage in activities that create that calm mind necessary to do self-examination. This state of relaxation  is portable and can travel beyond the meditation mat. Each exercise in the real world of calm detachment requires repetition, one of the critical elements of any learning. Practice this in the real world. Seek out situations where you can practice a calm mind in choppy waters. Invoke calmness and observe the flow. Doing this will require your full attention . A study showed that this ability aids in emotional regulation.

I highly recommend using neurofeedback training to create a trained pattern of calm and learned resiliency in the brain. A recent study found that the experimental group more easily controlled top-down connectivity as measured by MRI neurofeedback.  My personal experiences with neurofeedback systems, such as Neuroptimal from Zengar, on an anecdotal level did increase my brain resilience in stressful situations. As this technology becomes more personal and interactive, this approach is more available to the masses.

See my earlier post on readily available brain hacks to promote relaxation. The bottom line is finding your path to greater self-regulation.

The Benefits of a Disciplined Mind
My top five benefits of a disciplined, self-regulated mind are:

1. Self-preservation from the world. For HSPs, this hardly needs to be stated; we all know what the bombardment of stimulation from the world does to our nervous systems. If for no other reason, this should be at every HSPs top of the list.
2. Self-protection from ourselves. We are hardest on ourselves, and we have the perception and the internal dialogue to do a lot of self-inflicted damage. Disciplining our minds and channeling emotion can aid us in avoiding this hyperactive and hyperbolic state of self-destruction.
3. Living in the Present. This phrase gets a lot of airtime, but it is very relevant to living life in the moment. We HSPs are often caught in the past (rumination) or worrying about the future (anxiety) and should learn to slow down the mind to focus on the present. Emotional overwhelm can carry us off, sweeping us away like a raging river into either the past or future with no regard to where we are now. I like to take time each day, clear my mind and stand in the Wu Chi Stance and clear my mind.
4. Finally, we need to create a balance between our emotions and our reason. Both are important and necessary. Emotion provides us with creativity and immediacy. Reason gives us perspective and wisdom.

Emotion is the currency of our humanity. But, just like a firehose out of control, it can become a destructive force. Emotion can be used for good and enhance our lives, but like most good things, it must be controlled to focus that good. Emotion is our superpower, and discipline is our channel.  Learn to channel your emotions for good.  
 
Please share your thoughts in the comment section. 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
You no doubt have heard of the term fight or flight. It is often used to describe the physiological effects of an organism’s response to stress or danger. We often think of this when witnessing an attack from an aggressor or predator animal to an animal designated as prey. I’m thinking of the lion and zebra on some sweltering African savannah.

It is often applied to human reactions to stress as well. More scientifically called the acute stress response, it can be invoked by even the perception of danger, whether real or imagined.  From a physiological standpoint, it involves the discharging of energy from the sympathetic nervous system to prepare for various responses to danger. Much of this reaction is unconsciously bypassing our critical thinking processes.

The reaction to the perceived threat may consider several survival strategies. The actions may take the form of freezing, fleeing, fighting, or internalizing a state of fright, producing a condition known as tonic immobility, fawning, or even fainting. The reactions are often instinctive, genetic, and can also be learned behaviors.

As HSPs, are we more prone to falling into these states more quickly than others? Does our extra cautious nature put us in conflict with life more often and create the crucible for creating one or more of these states? Is there anything we can do to be more assertive or proactive when dealing with perceived threats or dangers? I think the answer is yes, and I’ve even included a fifth reaction that would override the unconscious responses and put us squarely in control of dealing with many of the imagined dangers. For now, I will call it the Flow Mode, in deference to the flow state.  

Defining the reactions to acute stress response
Besides fight or flight reaction, there are several other responses to acute stress that are worth noting. These are both physiological and behavioral reactions. I’ll break them out below.

• Freeze Mode -typically, this response is non-reactive, passive (deer in the headlights), can make the response hypervigilant, and being on guard. It generally is the first response in a sequence that would also involve Flight mode and later Fight mode if necessary.  The idea here is to immobilize, regroup and take more decisive action as the circumstances unfold. It is equivalent to being still for hiding purposes and may be a precursor to submission.
• Flight Mode- is the response to run and withdraw from confrontation, much like the zebra runs from the lion. The body mobilizes the necessary systems to flee and escape the danger, run like hell, and hope for the best. It is an essential survival strategy, especially when confronted with an overpowering or formidable threat. Speed of locomotion matters here, and that could even mean evasive maneuvers.
• Fight Mode- is an aggressive self-defense mechanism and sometimes an emotional retaliation, much like a wounded animal fighting for life and preservation. It is a damn the torpedoes approach that is the action to realize that either the individual fights or dies. The energy expenditure is likely the last constructive action left, perhaps combined with flight if the counterattack surprises the source of impending danger.
• Fright Mode- now, logically, this sounds like this would be the first option, but it is a defensive strategy often employed as a last resort. The idea here is that the individual enters a dissociative state brought about by fright and begins to internalize its impending and imminent demise. It may play dead, create disinterest from the threat, or, in the case of other dangers not as life-threatening for humans, may turn to people pleasing (also, known as fawning) to soothe and lessen the threatening source. It may be a prelude to fainting as the amygdala goes wild with fear, and the individual falls into overload.
• Flow Mode – does not necessarily follow this model, but I thought it should be considered. Flowing the stressor would require a certain degree of brain training, learning, and teaching the mind to allow threats to flow through the individual. It would require a quick determination of the likelihood of immediate life and death circumstances and would, in essence, bypass the sympathetic nervous system for situations that are not life and death. It would call into play the parasympathetic nervous system or the “rest and digest” system to deal with the panic or anxiety and allow the aggressive energy to flow through. Simultaneously, the individual would firmly stand their ground, be centered, and let the reactive emotions discharge. Without training, this will not happen automatically as the other reactions do but can be called into play with conscious triggers.

HSPs and Fight or Flight
Seldom in modern society do we have to confront life and death situations daily. However, our reactions to stressful everyday life events are often converted to acute stress and reacted to by the body as if we still live in forests or plains complete with modern equivalents of predators. For some, and especially for HSPs who have more highly tuned startle reflexes , who are subject to emotional reactivity, we as HSPs may have more reactions attuned to anxiety and aggression.

Because HSPs are more keenly aware of environmental cues, we often can misinterpret our bodily signals to represent significant threats and cut to an emergency reaction akin to panic.  These threats are not usually life-threatening, but the reaction is still strong. The simple hearing of a threatening, angry voice within earshot can elicit a response to danger.  Couple this with conditioning and life experiences, can set off without much conscious effort, a call to fight or flight.
How each individual reacts can be influenced heavily by genetics, experiences, and individual personality. I suspect many HSPs when reacting to threatening situations, might employ the fight mode last, as it is the least confrontational and least taxing to our systems. This response may seem to make us look weak in the eyes of aggressors, but in reality, we are survivors. How we respond is a function of our inherent nature and our drive to survive. It seems nature built this into our brain wiring.

To illustrate the point, an animal study was done on guppies swimming in a tank with an aggressive bass. The guppies were divided into three groups based on personality characteristics of bold, ordinary, and timid. After the study, 40 percent of the timid guppies who swam in the tank with the bass survived. Only 15 percent of the ordinary guppies survived, and yes, none of the bold guppies made it.  Being a timid, cautious guppy has its benefits.

We are not guppies but being cautious does not necessarily mean being passive. Surviving doesn’t necessarily mean we flee from confrontation, though; fighting should only be used in the direst circumstances. Whatever our reaction to fear may be, we have the capacity to overcome what we perceive to be threats but it will take action before we experience the threatening situation.

HSPs should note that we can train our reactions to perceived threats with various brain training methods. Whether you use mindfulness training, meditation, EFT (tapping), self-hypnosis, neurofeedback training, or any other brain training technique, you can teach your mind to react to stress in a more ordered and calming way. Remember, this is not to reengineer your HSP sensibilities but rather to allow you to flow the stressors through your system to allow a mindful and moderate response. It is not emotional suppression but rather emotional regulation.  Use that extraordinary HSP brain to survive. And you will swim with the guppies.
 
 
 ​Please share your thoughts in the comment section. 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Have you ever had a recurring, intrusive thought or thoughts invade your thought space? You know, the mostly involuntary thoughts, perhaps, unpleasant, and even a bit scary. Thoughts of death, yours or someone else’s, thoughts of committing some unspeakable act, or maybe even performing some sexual act that goes against your grain?  

A few years back, I wrote a blog about something similar that the French call “l’appell du vide,” or the call of the void. I bent the definition a bit to make a point about taking a leap of faith. However, the strictest definition of l’appel du vide is an intrusive thought to end it all – swerve on the centerline, leap over the edge, pull the trigger, or jump into the void.

These intrusive types of thoughts have other names- negative automatic thoughts, obsessive thoughts, worry, rumination, or yes, intrusive thoughts. I have wondered lately if these thoughts plague other highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive people do seem to tend to worry (future thinking) or ruminate (past thinking) about a lot in their lives.

Does that make us more susceptible to intrusive thoughts? Could these intrusive thoughts be the origin point of our rumination or perpetual worry? Do highly sensitive people see these intrusive thoughts as unfavorable, or merely some quirkiness of our personalities, odd but still adaptive. Some types of rumination are considered a kind of cognitive emotion regulation.

Apart from being some pathology such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), it appears that we all experience these little fireflies of intrusiveness, flickering off and on in our brains from time to time.  Intermittent intrusive thoughts are normal and quite common if they remain transient and don’t become obsessive rumination.

What are intrusive thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are generally involuntary thoughts or flashes with unpleasant overtones, and if repetitive, can be distressing or feel difficult to manage.  For most of us, they are a momentary annoyance and are never acted upon. They can jolt you because the nature of these thoughts is often an imagined act of carelessness, violence, or sexual promiscuity. Imagine the devil on your shoulder, easily swatted off but sometimes persistent and tiresome. Just having these thoughts doesn’t mean that you are weird or have uncontrollable issues. Remember, it is a matter of degree. Everyone gets them, even thoughtful, well-meaning HSPs.

Is there a point when these thoughts should cause you to worry? The moment you become obsessive about the thought, however disturbing, you are likely calling the thought back in a repetitive way, just by becoming preoccupied with it. Consider this,  we sometimes create random, meaningless residue as Dr. Martin Seif and Dr. Sally Winston refer to the detritus that our brain sometimes create as “junk thoughts”  Most of these are just that – junk. The more energy you put into it, the likelier you are creating a neural pathway for that thought. You are making it obsessive, and it will repeat the more you think about it.  You can see where this may be going. 

Sometimes these thoughts are simply a way the brain communicates a sign that there might be something else wrong in your life . The thoughts often bubble up from the unconscious and, like dreams, may be full of symbolism, not to be interpreted literally. Yet, there may be a message there. Then again, it may just be junk. Regardless, don’t obsess about it.

HSPs and Intrusive Thoughts
Are HSPs more likely than non-HSPs to have intrusive thoughts? That is anan intriguing question with no definitive answer. The fact that HSPs tend to be deep processors of thoughts and that we are sometimes emotionally reactive, it would seem the ingredients are there for this type of thinking. HSPs can be more anxious, with the antecedent being unconscious anxiety bubbling up into consciousness. HSPs that are more inclined to depression may also have problems with rumination or running thoughts repeatedly as a form of self-punishment or negative self-talk.  

Does that mean all HSPs will have this problem? No, but for HSPs with a history of trauma, OCD or depression may have more trouble with these recursive thoughts simply because we are wired for deep processing. We tend to have a more substantial internal monologue, including inner discourse about ourselves, our lives, and our relationships with the world. This self-talk is not a bad thing in itself, but without testing externally these ideas spawned by our self-talk, we may get looped in erroneous thinking. Bad dialogue can get driven down into the unconscious with repetition and can be served up again as intrusive thoughts.

Do we need to control intrusive thoughts?
Not really. As was stated previously, the less we dwell on these thoughts, the better. They come and go and releasing them as they come into awareness is probably your best strategy.  Recognize that it is nearly impossible to control all your thoughts . It is not just about mindfulness either; if you try to suppress these thoughts or any thought mindfully, you will likely only bring it back. Think about being told not to think about something – what do you wind up thinking about? Yup.

Only become concerned if they turn into an obsession. Likely this is related to some other matter, perhaps the beginning of a problem or the continuance of an ongoing issue, generalized anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive issues that need professional attention.
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Like most HSPs, we tend to keep our internal house (our mind) safe, clean, and habitable. We live there a lot and having something weird pop into our minds unexpectedly can be exasperating. Recognize and see intrusive thought for what it is – a fleeting thought, a mere firefly of the mind. Like a firefly in hand, observe for a moment, release your grip, and let the thought go, flying away into the darkness.
 
Please share your thoughts in the comment section. 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Oh, how I wish there were a simple, logical, algorithmic formula to discern who we are most compatible with in matters of love. The little heuristic would be a goldmine proposition if it were reliable, valid, and portable. HSPs especially need assistance because we often are too trusting and too empathetic to be objective in finding the perfect match.

It's hard to get to the core values of a person, know their heart, and trust they are right in a short time, leading to a deeper emotional commitment. Dating site bios are virtually worthless, as most people (and, yes, I've done this too) pad their life story to make them seem better than they are. Let's face it; it's a marketing ploy we all use.

Because HSPs are tenderhearted people and often naïve about love, we are easily duped by potential amours that ultimately don't understand us or use and manipulate us. Although there is now a measure of the Capacity to Love, it is not something you would or should filter through every future date. Yet, the truth is there is no foolproof bullshit detector in love that you can carry like a Geiger counter to detect radioactivity in a potential partner.

However, I have found that by creating my personal red flag questionnaire, I can at least hold the love interest through the light of my internal prism and get some measure of whether we might be compatible companions. This list is not comprehensive but might serve as a starting point in considering someone new. You can add to these or craft them more to your individual experience and liking.

Question #1 – Can the person you are interested in say, "I'm sorry." (Emotional Maturity)
Admitting guilt when making mistakes is a "big" adult thing. It signifies emotional maturity and signals that a person is willing to accept fault to patch up a disagreement. Psychologist Rick Hanson suggests that admitting fault cuts through the ego gesturing, reducing stress and anxiety, allowing moving on to other matters, and showing a commitment to being mindful of the mistake and a willingness to correct it.  This critical gesture is essential in relationships, especially for HSPs.

We HSPs often take the lead in apologizing for our mistakes in arguments or disagreements. It is a gesture of goodwill and a willingness to bring to an end a messy emotional situation. However, if we are in relationships with others less forthright about guilt admission, this could signal problems later on down the road. The idea of being held hostage to a disagreement means to an immature other that you don't love them and may lead to devaluation of you in their eyes.  This situation shapes a conditional love that for HSPs causes us to devalue ourselves. This often leads to gaslighting, shaking confidence in oneself, and doubting the other's love of you.

Emotional maturity is vital here.  What you are looking for is someone who takes responsibility for their actions. They must have the humility to admit when they are wrong, willingness and commitment to find compromise when needed, be supportive emotionally, controlling their impulses, and being trustworthy.

When you find a person who can readily admit they are sorry in a heated disagreement, you have found someone displaying the earmarks for emotional maturity. This is a good indicator that this is someone that holds promise.

Question #2 – Do your political beliefs align? (Self-ideology or Identity Manifestation)
A political question may seem to be a lethal question to ask a potential partner in today's bifurcated and polarized political landscape. But, here are a few points to consider when asking about political views:

• Political views are often reflective of core values.  And in some cases, political views shape core values.
• Political beliefs may show tendencies in personality that you may want to be mindful of, i.e., closed-mindedness, aggression, naïve realism, and a skewed world view.
• It is often hard to reconcile differences in political beliefs in relationships because political views can become hardened beliefs and part of an individuals' self-ideation.
• Political beliefs may reflect deep-seated emotional issues.

Naively, I think HSPs believe that something like political beliefs can be gently shaped and aligned with their own opinions or achieve a compromise with love and understanding. But viewed through a hardened political lens, feelings can be affected. The deeper you go in the relationship, difficulties arise, not just on political matters but also on the emotional reasons these view attachments have.

Political beliefs get to the heart of core values, and for HSPs, core value alignment is a key to relationship success. This simple question almost always runs deep and possesses key indicators about a person's personality and emotional status. It is easier to reach a compromise with an open-minded individual if you hear can each other.  But beware of the close-minded political hack.

Question #3 – Do your spiritual or religious beliefs align? (Deep Self-Identity)
For many people, this may be negotiable, and it mostly depends on how deeply entrenched and affixed you both are to your spiritual/religious beliefs. It may depend on the degree to which each partner is open-minded to the idea that there are no absolutes regarding spirituality.

You can imagine an Evangelical Christian dating a hard-core atheist or an eclectic New Ager dating a scientific materialist who sees spirituality as foolish and a waste of time.  You can easily see where the problems will materialize.
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Since spiritual beliefs or lack of spiritual beliefs sit deeply within us, this is important in relationships. It often depends on where you are in life and whether this may cause issues, such as raising kids, ideas of morality, afterlife beliefs, etc. Many people have experienced profound and successful relationships with others who have different spiritual views, and for some, this does not rate highly in mate selection.

Nevertheless, the spirituality perspective may affect how a person's morality plays out. It may indicate deep beliefs that shape how one treats others, what love means and who one can love. It also reflects how close-minded or open-minded a person can be. Be mindful that compromise is a part of every relationship, and you have to ask yourself how much you have to compromise on spiritual matters that may affect you. One religion or spiritual view might be incompatible with another, so stay open-minded, but remember there is more to this than just the affiliation to a belief.

Question #4 – What is their relationship with their parents and primarily with their mother? (Foundational Emotional Matters)
To me, this is a fundamental question. Why? Very simply, our parents are the first adults we bond with in life. They are the first people to teach us about love, caring, and nurturing. They are our first template for love, especially the mother.  Often, I have found that prospective partners with complicated or non-active relationships with their mothers (and fathers) often have difficulty in love as adults. Without that early critical bonding experience, they are less likely to grow up to be happy, loving, and resilient adults. They may also grow up to have emotional problems that will naturally affect the outcome in adult love relationships.

By understanding your potential partners' current relationship with their parents, you are getting insight into how they may form love bonds with others. If the connection is good with the parents, chances are excellent these individuals are well adjusted and capable of giving and receiving love. If the parents are cold, distant, controlling, and unaffectionate, this will have affected your amour on views of what love looks like, feels like, and acts like.

Granted that relationships change over time and that sometimes fallings-out occur later in life between parents and children. Life circumstances may alter these relationships as well.  The germ of this seed is in the early formative years with parent and child. This early time is the critical bonding period and generally shapes the parent-child relationship for life.

All of this should manifest in how affectionate, how expressive in love a person displays. If they acknowledge you and are willing to show and give love, it should be something that surfaces early in your relationship with them. A person who lacks these qualities may be a person you might want to bypass. Put down your therapist hat and move on. You likely will not be able to fix their problem.

Question #5 – Do they listen to you? (Interactive Measure and Empathy)
Being heard is very important to HSPs. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, it doesn't matter; at some point in your relationship, you will want to talk and be heard. And be acknowledged. Some relationships are identified by monologues and some by dialogues, but in the end, we all want to be heard, and the latter type of relationship is where we want to be.

Does your love interest hear what you have to say? Do they actively listen to you, i.e., a conscious decision to listen to what you are saying?   It seems we either listen to understand or listen to respond. Listening to understand is a deeper type of listening; it is more receptive and compassionate. Listening to respond implies a need to engage in criticism and be motivated by a need to correct you or fix you. One embraces, the other repels. One is deep; the other is shallow.

HSPs seek meaning in just about everything, including relationships. It would be a natural desire for HSPs to form deep relationships, and the foundation for this is listening. If they are doing all the talking, well, you are not being heard. Empathy in part comes from communication. We are naturally good listeners. We need good listeners as partners. It is not a one-way street.

Question #6 – Are they socially adaptable? (You, Me, and the World)
Watch how your potential partner interacts with others. HSPs can be very chameleon-like when we interact in social settings. We are so tuned in to the environment; I think either for comfort or reconnaissance reasons, we adapt to our settings. Maybe it's a comfort thing, or perhaps it's to make others comfortable and make us relatable to them. We can shapeshift if needed.

Looking for a partner that can do similarly, although maybe not critical to all HSPs, is crucial to me. I like to mix with mixed crowds and am not comfortable suffering partners that are snobs or find looking down at others as great sport. I try to stay humble with socializing and blend in and engage strategically and sometimes tactically. In networking for business, I like to seek out and find individuals with mutually beneficial contact. For pleasure, I tend to meet people strategically, basically learning from the new encounters with no specific goal in mind. With that said, I would prefer my partner, be able to do the same.

How people treat others says a lot about how they will treat you. Look for kind, humble, and socially adaptable people.

Granted, this is a simple reflection of how to gauge potential love interests. Your experience may frame similar or completely different questions. The point is to formulate what is essential for you in a partner. Each of us will have our own criteria, but we must know what these points are for each of us. And be astute observers.

I recommend you read Dr. Elaine Aron's book on love and HSPs. You will learn a lot about the needs and interactions between HSPs and HSPs, HSPs and non-HSPs, and all combinations in between. There is excellent research (both her and her husband, Arthur) and real-world information in them.
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Good luck with your love search, be careful, be cautious, and, especially be particular.. You won't regret it.
 
Please share your thoughts in the comment section. 

​A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 

 
Many HSPs have trouble dealing with anxiety, stress, and emotional turbulence. For HSPs, these stressors are more than just coping with everyday emotions. This is an often normal reaction for HSPs to environmental and sensory cues that overload our systems.

In the last thirty years or so, a new area of psychology has emerged that focuses on human energetic attributes and uses this energy for healing and calming. This field is called Energy Psychology or EP.

What is Energy Psychology?
Energy Psychology (EP) is a group of therapeutic methods that intervene with human energy fields to promote physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. EP combines cognitive tools to raise awareness and focus with stimulation of bioenergy fields to promote healing. These biofields include the use of meridians (acupressure points) and chakras (traditional Indian Ayurveda).

Many EP practitioners use tapping methods such as EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, which uses acupressure points combined with gentle tapping. The client states verbally what the issue is while tapping the meridian points to provide results.

Chakra based methods include Advanced Integrative Therapy (AIT) and or Heart Assisted Therapy (HAT). In addition, other combination methods are umbrellaed under the term Comprehensive Energy Psychology. For the focus of this article, we are exploring EFT only.

Emotional Freedom Technique
Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as tapping, was created by Gary Craig in the mid-90s to simplify Roger Callahan's Thought Field Therapy technique (TFT). TFT was a complicated algorithm-based protocol that used tapping points but required specific ordering of those tapping points based upon the problem. Craig found that he could get better results using a set routine of tapping points and reduce tapping locations.

EFT is a therapeutic technique based on the theory that negative emotions are caused by disturbances in the body's energy fields. Tapping on specific acupressure points while thinking or saying the negative emotion releases the target emotion and restores the body to balance.

The difference between EFT and traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is that recounting and discussing the negative experience (CBT) while offering relief does not always wholly release the negative disturbance from the body/mind. Tapping in a defined sequence while repeating the unique setup phrase will stabilize the trapped emotion over several rounds of tapping, providing a sense of relief and release.

The technique is easy to learn, but assistance from a trained practitioner/therapist is the best way to start. Depending on the problem's complexity, the individual can tackle simple issues by themselves with guided practice.

Does it work?
The evidence for EFT is beginning to gain traction. Over 125 research studies have shown Energy Psychology's effectiveness with a small but growing body of research showing the positive effects on the client's biology. Furthermore, some studies suggest the EFT is as effective or more so than traditional acupuncture treatment in alleviating stress and anxiety. EFT compares favorably to CBT in treating general anxiety, depression, and some forms of trauma.


More than merely a distraction, EFT appears to reduce limbic arousal in the brain, helping to disassociate the emotions with the memory - causing relief in subjects. This is supported by both Integration Theory and Reconsolidation Theory, which explains how the brain moves the individual past traumatic experiences.

My Personal Experiences
I learned EFT about ten years ago and was formally trained in its use around 2015. The technique itself is simple and straightforward to understand. However, like most things that are easy to learn and broad in their application, it takes time to master.  Nevertheless, I felt that EFT was an excellent technique for learning stress reduction and anxiety relief.

EFT can be done inconspicuously if needed and still provide relief. For example, it can be done while flying if flying gives you anxiety. It has even been shown to be useful if you do the tapping in your head using your imagination.

EFT is very portable and, with practice, efficient and reliable. I have used EFT to reduce anxiety, keeping a positive attitude in adverse situations, and it is useful in getting immediate results. This is an ideal tool for HSPs to master in helping control overwhelm.

Because we HSPs are by nature sensitives, I think it makes sense to explore new areas for healing, relaxation, and recalibration. Emotional self-regulation for HSPs is essential and finding and using tools and techniques that are close and portable make them easier to use at any time for emotional regulation. Our sensitivity may in many ways aid in making these tools even more useful for us in dealing with anxiety, overwhelm, and stress, as well as for therapeutic reasons in working with a trained therapist.
​
I would be interested in your comments if you have tried EFT and whether it was useful for you. 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Overcoming overwhelm is an HSPs number one priority. There are so many tools out there that can aid in calming your mind and helping you settle down when overwhelm strikes. There are many mobile phone apps specifically designed for relaxation and calming and are portable and generally easy to use. Since most people travel with their phones in easy reach, these might aid in helping HSPs relax when out and about or even at home. Most of the apps featured or low cost or have a modest subscription fee or are free for the basic service. They should also both be available for IOS and Android.  Of course, this is not an exhaustive list but can serve as a jumping-off point to start your journey exploring tools to help you.  There is some overlap in the groups.    

# 1 – Mindfulness/Meditation Apps– The purpose of these apps is to help you with starting a daily meditation practice or helping you learn to be mindful of your anxiety or intrusive thoughts. When doing meditation or deep relaxation, it is essential to reach a state of dominant alpha or theta brainwave activity to achieve that blissful state of relaxation. Brainwave state is dynamic, and to maintain the needed state takes work and discipline, this is where the benefit of the app comes in. Although the apps aren’t necessary to create this state, they serve as an immediate feedback loop to the user.

• Calm – One of the most recognized and bestselling apps for meditation and relaxation. The app specializes in sleep and relaxation with guided meditations, relaxing music, and exercises to calm the mind. It includes mindfulness programs and even bedtime stories.
• Dare Break from Anxiety – This app uses evidenced-based training programs to help you reduce anxiety, panic attacks, and negative thinking.
• Headspace – More guided meditations with exercises for practicing mindfulness.
• Rootd – This is a female-led company that produces an app for relieving panic attacks and anxiety. It features deep breathing exercises and provides understanding lessons about the whys of anxiety and panic attacks.
• Insight Timer – This is one that I use for daily meditation. For the most part, it is a free app. It provides guided meditations and allows you to customize your meditation tracks with music and ambient sounds. If you are looking for a free app with a lot of features, I recommend this.

#2 – Neurofeedback and Biofeedback Apps - Like the meditation apps, the neurofeedback or biofeedback apps use some measuring device to provide you with feedback on your mental state. The feedback helps you achieve calm, lower brainwave activity, or aid in controlling breathing or heart rate.

• Breath to Relax – This is a stress management tool. It monitors heart rate and teaches diaphragmatic breathing to achieve relaxation.
• Happify – This is a science-backed, evidenced-based app that uses psychological techniques such as positive psychology and CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). It aids in dealing with negative thinking, which can be a problem for many HSPs.
• My Calm Beat – this apps works by increasing Heart Rate Variability (HRV) by using slow breathing techniques. The app does require a heart rate monitor to start.
• Inner Balance – This app is from the HeartMath Institute. It does require an HRV monitor sensor. It helps teach a calm mind with HRV as the metric.

#3 – Music Apps – Binaural and Isochronic Enhanced Apps – These apps use technology that helps entrain the brain to a particular state or dominant brainwave patterns such as alpha or theta, great for deep relaxation or meditation. Binaural beats use alternating signals (Hz) that the brain hears in each ear. The brain entrains to the midpoint, which is the desired state. Isochronic tones are similar in the result but use pulsed signals to achieve the same state. Other tools monitor the breathing rate (see above) and help you regulate your breathing rate for relaxation and or heart rate to calm and relax the body.

• Relax Melodies – This app focuses on producing nature sounds and white noise but can create isochronic tones and binaural beats.
• Atmosphere – Another app that can create environmental sounds but can produce isochronic tones and binaural beats.

#4 – Mindful Practice Apps (Tai Chi and Yoga) – Although with both of these ancient practices it is best to work with a trained teacher or master to ensure that you are doing the techniques correctly, using a phone app to learn the basics is an excellent way to get started with a mindful practice. You can determine if you want to pursue either practice more formally. These are great for their mobility and portability.

• Yang Tai Chi for Beginners – This app provides videos of various Tai Chi movements provided by Master Yang. Also, some Qigong movements are taught. There is a cost to move to more advanced videos.
• Pocket Yoga – The app offers various Yoga poses with instructions.
• Daily Yoga – offers a wide range of levels for practicing Yoga. The app has tracking features to keep track of your practice.
• Simply Yoga – has six different predefined routines for all levels of practitioners.

#5 –Nature Sounds Apps (White Noise) – When it comes to solitude and quiet, often we HSPs can’t find it. Either we are in a noisy environment, or we can’t quiet our minds. The use of relaxation music or white noise, such as nature sounds, repetitive white noise sounds like static or life sounds that can drown out distracting noises in our lives, helps us calm and focus the mind. These are great for being alone in a crowded space. They even work in nature if the place you find yourself in is too quiet. Use these to achieve a sense of solitude and separation, which is often vital for HSPs.

• Rainy Mood – This app has a variety of rain/water sounds that can help create that mood of cozy isolation, with the sounds of rain or water in the background. These sounds work great for relaxation.
• My Noise – This is a white noised generator. Don’t throw out the idea of using white noise to create a more unobstructed mental space in which to think or not think.

 
Understand that all old school Luddites may bristle at the idea of using phone apps for relaxation practice and that it should and can be achieved internally without the use of electronics. And this is true to some extent. However, getting started with the old-fashioned ways can require a certain discipline and strict adherence that many folks don’t have the time or inclination to achieve. Many HSPs will like the convenience of a spot fix, such as an app, that they can pull out on the fly for immediate relief. And phone apps can’t be beaten for timeliness or convenience. They are worth taking a look. There are many, many apps available, so travel beyond the suggestions and explore on your own. I’d love to hear what you find.
 
 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
 You don’t have to look very far to find negativity around everywhere. Highly Sensitive People seem to have a unique sense of picking up negativity in the environment. Perhaps, it is a keen nuanced sense of emotion floating about us, or maybe a collective receptor for sensing people’s moods, but we always seem to know when an environment is harmful or toxic. The problem with that is that we tend to internalize the negativity and hold it inward for too long, causing us issues emotionally and physically if we don’t find ways of detoxifying quickly energy that will alter our internal moods. Here are some hacks for releasing and letting go of negativity – something every HSP should know and be adept at doing.  

# 1 – Mindfulness Practice – Some of our emotional reactivity is learned behavior and can become automatic at the trigger of negativity inputs. To prevent this automatic loop from running on autopilot, you must first become consciously aware of the triggers and the subsequent behaviors that follow the triggers. One way of breaking the loop is to become mindful of your mind/body reaction to the trigger. You will feel the response in your body as well as in your mind. This should be a clue to the intensity of the negativity by the reaction in your mind/body. By being aware of the trigger, you can “thought lock” the response by consciously overriding the reaction with a calming reaction. This takes practice and time, but in time will rewire your brain for a more neutral reaction to the stimulus.  Remember, mindfulness is awareness. And awareness provides choices in blind spots you had before.

#2 –Isolate the Rumination  –  Once you find yourself in a rumination moment, where you continuously rehash the event/trigger needlessly and incessantly – you by way of awareness, can isolate the feelings associated with that trigger. Consider it like fencing off a rogue bull from the herd. Instead of allowing these repetitive thoughts, to spread around your consciousness, wreaking havoc, you can isolate and fence off the negative ones. You can even use the imagery of fencing off the negative thoughts if that makes It more real for you. By isolating, you are now managing the negativity directly. Isolation of these thoughts is the first step towards releasing them. HSPs are prone to emotional reactivity, and this must be channeled into constructive action, i.e., from overwhelm to resolve.

#3 – Release the Emotion Underlying the Negativity-  Releasing negative thoughts or emotions is an active process and somewhat of an art form. There are many activities, I have suggested in the blog over the years, that are excellent at helping you become mindful and allowing release. Meditation practice is perhaps one of the best.  Finding a meditation practice is an individual choice, but there are many information options online that can help you in choosing. The practice of yoga and Tai Chi are like meditation in motion; the quiet fluidity of careful body movement with breathing installs a calm and peace that is both active and still. They both create a flow state condition that empties the mind and is a perfect place for release.
​Other activities such as neurofeedback training, aerobic exercise, or even digitally enhanced mood-altering music are great ways to prepare your mind for release. Your body will reward you with mood-enhancing endorphins that will help you pass the negativity outward from your mind and body. Releasing is not an act of vulnerability but rather empowerment. Releasing does not mean you have to resolve the negativity; it is merely the act of letting go. This will return to you a state of flow.

#4 – Retreat, Rest, Rejuvenation – In extreme cases of overwhelm, when the above doesn’t work, then downtime is in order. Quarantine (as if you’re not doing enough of that lately) yourself in nature or a special sanctuary that you have created for yourself for a retreat. Surround yourself with self-soothing artifacts and distractions – movies, music, books, hobbies, or passions and indulge yourself in silence. The goal is to seek peace and calm in your soul.  Most HSPs know how to do retreat natively, so this should be a familiar activity or non-activity. Rest and recharge. Self-isolate.  You have permission.

#5 –Talk with Empathetic Souls – Do not hold this inside you! There is a time when talking to an empathetic soul is imperative. Externalize your thoughts with trusted family and friends and seek a measure of validation of your assumptions and concerns. You may be blowing the negativity way out of proportion, so seek some confirmation. This will help you confirm or refute your feelings and help you formulate constructive actions.

#6 – Practice Peace and Calm, Serenity Living – Quieting the mind for HSPs is work. I mean real work. Yet doing so via practice and repetition will teach you to discipline your mind to manage erratic emotions, which often lead to overwhelm. This practice will train you for dealing with negative onslaughts, the kind that is quite common these days. Imagine that you are becoming a mental Aikido master. You fend off negative attacks by flowing with the energy that is opposing you. You take that energy and let it flow through you, not at you. Imagine you move in mindful motion with the attacker and disarm this energy by using that momentum to pass by you. You disarm it with mental Aikido, steps you learned above.

#7 –Be Selective in Your Environmental Choices – The environment we choose to be in, is highly reflective of how much negativity we must cope with. Choose your companions wisely. You may not always be able to avoid negative people, but you should not consciously seek them out. It is real work to deal with negativity in people and will drain you of your resources. Additionally, be where you are most energized and feel flow. The places you allow yourself in can make a huge difference in your productivity. Be where you are most natural. Finally, surround yourself with peace and calm emitting amenities. A pleasant environment means a mind/body calm.

#8 – Recognize that You are Different in a Good Way – We HSPs have different sensibilities. It comes with the territory. Some of it is sensory, some of it is intuitive, and some of it is HSP logic. We all need to learn to accept ourselves and embrace the gift of high sensitivity. Use it to enlighten, educate, and to uplift others. Spread positivity to negate the negativity. Refuse to believe or see sensitivity as a weakness. 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
                                  
Fragility of Society
I have been like many people watching the news closely on the pandemic Coronovirus-19. The story has been a constant droning of pessimism as of late as things start to become more alarming as the virus continues to spread. It dawned on me while watching this unfold that our society, our culture, and our civilization is very fragile.

We talk a lot about the effects that we humans are having on the planet, with climate change, overpopulation, and consumption of natural resources. Still, it generally has not sunken into the head of the average person on the street. It's a someday thing, not a now thing. Coronavirus is a now thing. Its spread is quick and exponential and for many fatal. Still, many are ignoring the warnings.

This thing we call civilization is propped up by the most fragile support mechanisms. But in the end, it's now clear that it all depends on people. Imagine civilization could come undone because of a microscopic organism that can replicate indiscriminately at machine speed. The virus following its primal objective to survive has found pay dirt in human bodies. We are the unfortunate hosts.

Do I expect a wholesale collapse of our civilization? No. But, this should be a warning on the fragility of life in our modern world. Sandwiched between the layers of environmental factors, some outside of our control, and our free will lies the core of our existence. A fragile balance at best.

The Economy is a Fantasy
One of the first things to react was the stock market. The stock market is our legally sanctioned monetary casino, where many millions place their hopes and dreams and their lifelong savings, subject to skittish "corrections" to any provocation in the environment. The market is a place where wild emotional reactions can vaporize trillions of dollars in a single week. These stampedes caused by a panicked herd mentality can bring the economy down with such rapidity that sanctions had to be put in place to prevent massive sell-offs. It is the high temple of our world.

We live in a world where the table is tilted for the few and away from the many. This disparity has unfolded more evidently in the last forty years as the rich get richer, and the poor and middle class fall off the map.

A crisis, like the Coronavirus, points out the crack in the exterior walls of our economic fortress. The erosion of the middle class, through government, corporate, and political machinations, has left our once robust middle class vulnerable and weakened. The middle class has always been the engine that drives the economy. Couple this with the disregard for the poor, we find ourselves in a situation which is like channeling precious water away from our rich grasslands and fields and, allowing them to wither and become dried out and wondering why the brush fire wipes out our valuable resources.

Every day we are shown indicators of prosperity – numbers that belie and mask the truth that wealth is not inclusive and is full of inequities. The reality is prosperity is there for the few and not for the masses.  We thrive on scarcity and deny abundance, and this is costing us our souls. I wonder if the Coronavirus simply exposed the underlying virus that has been with us for years.

We Operate on Assumptions
Our whole society is based on assumptions. One assumption is that our healthcare system is world-class. Yet, access to healthcare is often limited, prohibitively expensive, and surplus in a crisis is non-existent. We assume that most of us will be well, and the system will never be taxed. Yet here we are. This assumption is based more on business models than medical models.

Business drives every decision. Economy and efficiency are the drivers of profits. "Just in time" planning has been our mantra since the '80s. It may be efficient and profit-oriented, but it does not do well for contingencies, such as our current dilemma. Under stress, this system crumbles, and ad hoc planning must be invoked. We scramble to make sense of this disjointed jigsaw puzzle.

We also assume that our elected leaders are true leaders, that they have the "right stuff" that they know how to direct, how to delegate, how to stay calm, and take responsibility.  That they have empathy and compassion as they aid us in navigating any given crisis. Pay attention and watch how this unfolds. It's not looking good.

Finally, we assume we live in a free society. We have free enterprise, free access to information, and we are free to move and free to live the life we want. We value our independence, which we falsely assume is our freedom. But when a crisis hits, do we resort to our selfish self-focused nature, or do we move towards the higher-order mammalian nature? From what I've seen thus far, we are split as a nation on this notion. That internal divide will continue as the crisis unfolds, or we will overcome it and unite. The choice is before us.

How Things are Breaking Down
I've said this before, but hegemonic masculinity is killing us, also known as toxic masculinity.  This form of masculinity supports the rule by the privileged, the elite, the uncompassionate, and the unempathetic. Men and women can assume this role. Reptilian leadership is an oxymoron, for reptilian leaders only think of their own interests. Think today, think self. Their decisions are not cooperative but competitive and self-serving.  Years of thinking this way has gotten us to the place we are today. The herd does not serve a purpose if all members are working in their own interests. We cannot survive as a species if we continue this type of thinking.

Marginalizing large sectors of the population – people of color, women, LGBTQ, and new immigrant communities is like trying to thin the herd by ostracizing the very ones that make the herd healthy. It's the diversity that makes us resilient. We are a diverse herd; we need each other right now. The virus does not care about the superficial differences-- to Coronavirus; we are all humans. We are all hosts.

Our economy is propped up by "the system." The government selectively props up Wall Street, big banks, large corporations, and wealthy investors, but shirks those less powerful. The error of thought here is becoming evident.  The virus has exposed that the ultimate economic engine, is the workers, the people. As the workers retreat or are ordered to their sanctuary for self-protection, the wheels are coming off the bus. Alas, the system for the few, depends entirely on the many to survive. With no safety nets at the bottom, the whole game falls apart—great foresight by the elite.

The global economy has given us inexpensive products to match our meager wages but has taken away our ability to remain self-sufficient. Without the free flow of people and goods, the system comes to a halt. No one gets spared, save a very select few.

Why hasn't our government promoted small businesses, small industry, US manufacturing, and individual entrepreneurship? Politicians know there's no money in it. The money flows where the cheapest labor costs are, and that is not here in the US. We have been devaluing labor for over forty years. Fat corporate types own the purse strings. Now we have to depend on foreign businesses to support us in our crisis -not a sound strategy for managing a crisis from within.
​ 
We need to find better ways to measure wealth. Why not measure wealth by how healthy the population is? Why not measure satisfaction and happiness in life? Why not measure for right livelihood or mental health? I'm not talking about not responsibly measuring money metrics but instead expanding the terms for abundance and prosperity.

It's the American People, Stupid!
Since the founding of our nation, the American people have tended to rally and solidify in crisis. We are pretty good at that when we can get on the same page. Yet, today politics, small-minded religion, and small outlier groups of highly agendized people have found a way to polarize us. Even now, we take sides as the crisis worsens. It seems the Reptilians are winning—their Social Darwinism eclipses compassion and caring.

Most Americans just want the macro things to work in their lives, leaving that to government, while they pursue their micro interests. Most of us want the same fundamentals: home, educational opportunities, some savings, a good-paying job, balance in life, and a sense of worth and accomplishment. This basic premise should be completely reasonable in this country. Each year that goes by, we see more and more Americans watching this dream sail away. Why?

And now nature has given us this crisis. Figure it out, people -- or we die, or at least collapse our flimsy straw house.

How do HSPs figure into all of this?
I suspect that many HSPs have been sensing for some time that this day would come.  We are the canary in the coal mine – if we haven't completely grasped the entirety of it all or the implications of our fragile society, we have certainly felt it. It is uncomfortable, like a scratchy shirt, and these types of things we notice. We are designed for this task.
​
As I have said, we HSPs need to become more visible, more noticed, and more vocal. And, in some cases, reluctant but needed empathetic thought leaders. We need to help with the leveling of the table. We need to give our wise and cautious counsel. We need to let our light shine. We see this; we sense this, we feel this.
HSPs are not going to change the world on our own, but we have a responsibility because of our gifts of observation and deep thought to share our views with those who don't often see our acute world view. It's not too late.  The virus is a wake-up call.

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Luke: All right, I'll give it a try.
Yoda: No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.
​
From Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
 
In the early sixties, Polish psychiatrist, Kazimierz Dabrowski developed a personality development theory called Positive Disintegration. Positive Disintegration Theory postulates a personality development framework that emphasizes personality evolution via overexcitability  (OE) crises of the individual , which amounts to a heightened experience of stimulus via increased neuronal sensitivities.  This experience places the individual into crisis situations which expands the boundaries of personality and allows for growth.  Individuals progress through levels of development spurred by these existential sensory excitements, eventually achieving a creative, altruistic state that optimizes human potential.

It would seem a perfect developmental model for Highly Sensitive People, with our highly sensitive natures. We are well equipped to experience these catalysts for growth that could lead us to become highly advanced personalities per this model. But would our unique personality characteristics make us better designed to evolve to a higher level of human personality, and if so, for what purpose?

Let’s look at the theory.  Some of the main tenets of the theory are:  1) tension and anxiety are necessary for personal growth, 2) personality is not innate but must be learned, 3) developmental potential (DP), a key component and is a result of the overexcitability (OE) factor as well as the drive for autonomy, 4) the disintegration component refers to the breakdown of our primary integration, which is a more reptilian early life personality focused on selfish drives and survival.  This basic personality is formed as a result of primal instincts and socialization and must dissolve for developmental growth to occur.

Emotional reactions cause the development of individual values, different and individuated from the societal norms. Decisions are then made about the individual essence (which I read as the core of the person) and then existential choices then allow expression of the higher self and inhibition of the lower self as measured against these new found values.

The levels of development occur along five stages. The developmental potential for each individual derives from various genetic features expressed through interaction with the environment.  Through various mechanisms including overexcitability (OE), specific abilities and talents and a strong desire for autonomous growth this potential is realized. There are five aspects to (OE) they include: psychomotor (excessive physical energy, impulsivity), sensual (expression through the senses), imaginational (visualization in the mind), intellectual (voracious learners) and emotional (empathy). 

For those with high levels of OE, such as would be expected for HSPs, the road to development is not an easy one. Many highs and lows make navigating through development difficult. People with high developmental potential have a strong compulsion to work through and walk their own path. I find that in my contacts with HSPs this seems to be a common theme.

Dabrowski describes five levels of development.  As mentioned before we all start at the same place at the primary integration level. Many people stay at this level their whole lives, never advancing, focusing on self-centered objectives and survival strategies at all costs. This has nothing to do with intelligence. It is about the emotional development of the individual. Many intelligent, powerful people stay locked here. Their success predicated on fulfilling their basest desires. Others live here to follow and conform, never fully developing a strong sense of self. There is great social and peer pressure to conform here, a robotic and rote existence.

The next level, Unilevel Disintegration, occurs as a result of brief periods of crisis, followed by existential despair and then transformation. An example might be adolescence, financial crisis, or the death of a loved one. Generally, these crises are horizontal – right/wrong, forward/backward types of decisions. This is a transitional stage. Many people pass through this level,  as life does present many challenges. However, the transition does elude some, and they regress back to Level One, an easier state of being. Those that utilize the opportunity grow and begin to see the formation of individual values and beliefs.

At the third level,  named Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration,  many either progress or regress back to lower levels. The key question is, “Do I follow my instincts, my teachings or my heart?” Following the heart is the realization of the awakening of the third level.  Relying on personal values developed over the previous stages and individual and unique perspectives, allow for breaking the mold and standing alone. This is a vertical choice level, involving many options spanning over many disparate levels, much like three-dimensional chess.  There is an expansion of thinking outside of the box, exercising the individuals own beliefs and values.  This level is a gateway to higher levels for those that embrace the work. Many never move beyond, and some even regress, even fewer move forward.

Level Four is called Directed Multilevel Disintegration. The process of disintegration of the primary integration continues. At this level, more conscious and deliberate choices are made by the individual. The growth becomes centered externally, seeing beyond self and taking a more prosocial stance. It is a movement towards mammalian thinking--what is good for the herd, what is good for the group. More empathy,  and more expansion. The individual begins to think in terms of what is the right thing to do, over more selfish interests.

Finally at Level Five comes the Secondary Integration and is guided by conscious choices based on personal values. Shedding the primary integration, the individual awakens to their potential as a fully functioning human. Now distinct and separate from simply surviving and self-centered obsessiveness or obligation to conform to a societal norm that no longer seems relevant, the person is free to exercise free will. Choices are now made on the personal values honed over the various levels. True creativity, originality and a higher level of being occurs at this level. At this level, the primary integration is replaced by the unique integration of the individual.

How do HSPs fit into this developmental model? At what level do HSPs seem to gravitate? Do we experience OE more often than most non-HSPs and does this move us forward in development faster than others?

This seems to make sense considering our innate sensory sensitivities and our capacity for deep, reflective processing. With the exception that some HSPs might find retreating to a lower level more comfortable, albeit for temporary rest and reflection. We as a group would largely move forward without  much conscious effort. We clearly process more emotional crises than others, because we feel more deeply – pulling in intuitive as well as sensory data.  Pushing boundaries should be something all HSPs are encouraged to do, for this is the place where crisis meets learning opportunity and growth ensues.  Most of the individuals that Dabrowski studied to develop this theory were at their peak, creatively and spiritually. Level Five sounds a lot like a high functioning HSP and could represent a good model for HSPs to adopt.

Do the various levels equate in some way to various spiritual levels? The qualities of each level would suggest traveling from base instincts to a more altruistic and spiritual peak at Level Five. Could that mean that HSPs would then be more prone to being spiritually “enlightened?” It would seem so, but only for the ones that push forward, rising above the crises of life, learning, retaining, discovering the value of their own unique personality.  Yet, can we break free of our obsessiveness with OE and fully see that crisis as a tool for higher evolvement? To face head-on existential moments in life with confidence that in spite of the pain moves us  to higher levels of being human. With that, I believe we can live our lives with our full potential and help the planet evolve. It’s an interesting thought and an even more interesting theory.
 
Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Luke: Vader... Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack.
Luke: But tell me why I can't...
Yoda: No, no! There is no "why".

From Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
 
References:

1. http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Positive_Disintegration
2. https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/dabrowskis-positive-disintegration/
3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/creative-synthesis/201107/diagnosis-normal-bright-conflicted-and-out-sync
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201701/why-growth-most-often-occurs-when-we-fall-apart

 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Forrester: No thinking - that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is... to write, not to think!
From Finding Forrester
 
One of the four main attributes of Highly Sensitive People is the tendency to and the ability for deep processing. HSPs routinely process emotional and environmental content more deeply than others and dwell on a topic for a longer period of time. We HSPs are prone to deep thinking to what others may term as extreme lengths at times which requires alone and quiet time.

Sometimes this seems to be a curse – leaving those around us to question why we “overthink” things. The appearance of overthinking is true, yet, it is our nature and certainly a benefit for the most part, but can it be overdone? Can deep thinking be our worst enemy? Does deep thinking inhibit action – in effect holding us back?

HSPs do more deep thinking using parts of the brain that are associated with deep processing, and higher use of the part of the brain called the Insula – an integration tool that connects more of the brain in synchronicity. The myth that we are slower thinkers is not supported .  Research shows  that HSPs have  stronger, faster reaction times exhibiting our faster brain processing.  Our natural startle reflex would support that idea. The fact that we often process more data than Non-HSPs may give the outward appearance we process at slower rates, but in fact, we are processing more data at higher rates with more outcome options analyzed.

What is deep thinking? Is it something only intelligent, philosophical types do? Is it complex thinking? Or, is it simple thinking that is overly processed? Most deep thinkers display characteristics that seem good fits to what we consider HSP traits. They often are, introverted, observant, humorous (albeit quirky), voracious readers, forgetful, curious, planners, problem solvers, socially awkward, and independent.

A lot of the psychological studies involving deep thinking suggest that it is a part of the definition pertaining to levels of thinking.  A lot of this relates to how memory works, the deeper the encoding, the deeper the processing. That makes sense, much like a hard drive on a computer stores data for later retrieval, deeper encoding makes the data available for later processing. Shallow encoding would lead to more short-term processing, which would effectively come and go quickly.  
Another factor for enabling deep processing would be -- the more emotional the content, the stronger the encoding. Most HSPs are emotionally charged creatures. Much of our input would likely be highly charged and stored effectively in long-term memory, where it could be drawn and processed for longer periods. Because deep processing often involves the use of semantics; language helps to encourage the analytics of deep thinking.

Many of the brain areas associated with memory and depth of processing: the hippocampus, amygdala, and neocortex are areas often associated with HSP brain processing. Whether HSPs as a whole have more powerful hippocampal areas (memory) or more active amygdala (emotion) might give additional credence to the idea that we are naturally wired for this type of processing. Since the Sensory Processing Sensitivity characteristics seem to occur across species, not just humans, you have to wonder if this quality is not evolutionarily ordained and functionally important for survival.

But when does deep processing become overthinking? Overthinking is not considered to be a positive attribute. In fact, there are distinct health consequences for persistent overthinking. Two main outcomes of overthinking are rumination and worrying – both having stress consequences.
Rumination is a process where the past is relentlessly rehashed with no productive outcome. Sometimes rumination involves circular recursive logic that leaves the individual feeling helpless and hopeless. Worrying, the polar opposite of rumination involves deriving negative predictions about the future – utilizing previous unsuccessful outcomes as input.

Neither strategy leads to positive outcomes and can drive negative thought patterns deeper down. An infusion of emotions almost always energizes this exercise and can lead to anxiety, stress, and depression. If you find yourself in this loop and recognize it, then challenge your thoughts; focus on active problem-solving. Give yourself time for neutral reflection and mindfulness. Or, give yourself a consuming distraction to break the cycle and if that fails to work, seek help.

Needless to say, the consequences of overthinking are much different than deep processing. I’m not sure that deep processing can spawn overthinking, regardless of what non-HSPs may think, but it would behoove us HSPs to be mindful of where our deep processing is leading us. Overthinking can lead to real mental health issues – anxiety and depression. It certainly can inhibit the benefits of your deep processing ability causing analysis paralysis and with that added stress can contribute to sleep disturbances.
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Our HSP ability to rely on deep processing of inputs is certainly one of our shining characteristics. It doesn’t’ lend us to making hasty decisions or staccato-like shotgun decision making. But our ability to deeply process and forecast outcomes is what makes us good advisors, counselors, and teachers. At some point, you have to accept your conclusions and go with them by taking action or risk treading into the realm of overthinking.  Trust your gut, as an HSP your instincts are generally right, in large part due to your deep thinking capabilities.
 
References:

1. https://hsperson.com/faq/evidence-for-does/
2. https://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug05.htm
3. https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/5304/10-traits-deep-thinker/
4. https://www.simplypsychology.org/levelsofprocessing.html
5. http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Levels-of-processing_effect
6. https://academic.oup.com/brain/article/124/2/399/402300
7. https://qbi.uq.edu.au/brain-basics/memory/where-are-memories-stored
8. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3385676/
9. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201602/6-tips-stop-overthinking
10. https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/science-says-this-is-what-happens-when-you-overthink-things.html