A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
                                    
Socrates: Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what's good for you. They don't want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs.
Dan Millman: Let me guess, and you want me to believe yours.
Socrates: No, I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside.

 From the Peaceful Warrior

In spite of the fact that I truly believe that high sensitivity is a gift, it does come with a downside. All the capability for absorbing and processing sensory input comes at a price. Overload and overwhelm are quite common in HSPs (Highly Sensitive Person), and the result can lead to anxiety and depression and other mental and physical health issues.

There are social complexities that many HSPs face around interpersonal issues. The world at large does not value HSP traits and certainly doesn’t accommodate our needs. Many people misunderstand sensitivity, see it has a personality problem, which comes with many pejorative terms to describe the trait, i.e., high strung, tightly wired, too sensitive, whiny, drama queen/king, etc. This can be especially vexing to HSPs, and we are all subject to being adversely affected by the criticism.

For the record, the list of “negatives” I am listing here are all based more on my own personal HSP traits and my experiences. Yes, they may be shared by other HSPs, but those listed are ones I hear from many HSPs. So, take them as fairly accurate generalizations.

• Overwhelm/overload – Where do we begin with this defining HSP trait? Perhaps the most universally common trait in HSPs is the tendency towards emotional overwhelm. Our greatest gift, emotional awareness can seemingly turn on us and overload us with sensory data that can’t be processed fast enough to assimilate this energy. Almost every HSP has to deal with this at some level. Quiet, silence, downtime retreat and removal are the most common remedies. Without knowledge of how to throttle the input, many HSPs struggle with this aspect of the HSP personality.  The Worldview is sometimes harsh with this – it is seen as weakness, wimpiness, whininess.
• Closely coupled with this is a tendency for emotional overreaction.  HSPs may seem to others to be overly dramatic, but the overreaction is really a coping mechanism for releasing the excess energy. HSPs aren’t naturally emotional manipulators (that would cause far too much guilt), but the need to offset the emotional pressure may seem to a non-HSP observer to be a manipulative gesture, which, of course, it is not. Our high emotionally charged systems need a way to vent,  or overstimulation occurs. Again, this can be countered with quiet downtime or some distractive mindful activity. The Worldview is – we overreact and are childish.
• Social anxiety -  HSPs are not all introverts and as a rule are not remiss about social bonding. However, many HSPs would prefer small, quiet gatherings with carefully vetted friends. I myself am an introvert but can tolerate larger parties or gatherings for periods of time. In fact, I can even find solitude in crowds if I am free to flow around. The social anxiety HSPs generally experience comes about when either sensory, emotional or social pressures get too great. This doesn’t make us great party animals but neither should we be considered disaffected loners. The key is to find a balance.  The Worldview is – we are socially inept and withdrawn. No fun.
• Oversensitive to criticism – When I participated in sports as a kid or even in my corporate days, I was often subject to what I thought was harsh criticism on my performance. This would typically hurt my feelings, and I would withdraw. As a youngster, I would marvel at how other kids, perhaps, even most kids, would bounce right back from the verbal blow and seem to be unaffected. I would dwell on it for hours, trying to replay the error in my head until I could figure it out and determine what I had done wrong. Seems silly now, but it was an integral part of my life, affecting many life decisions and even creating avoidance behaviors. It’s almost like an addiction to perfectionism. The problem is that we HSPs will “never just get over it.” Of course, we will move on eventually, but the process doesn’t change. Criticism digs at us like nothing else.  This can be debilitating in performance focused areas’ like work, sports or academia, which forces a lot of us away from high profile, high-pressure careers, where sadly our insights could be useful. The Worldview is: we need to toughen up, too sensitive, too thin skinned.
• Overthinking – The deep processing aspect of HSP personality produces a lot of positive attributes. Yet, underneath it  can lie the flaw of overthinking. Granted this is not just an HSP trait and not all HSPs overthink, but with the capability to deep thinking, comes the possibility that action is neglected  and replaced by overthinking, leading to analysis paralysis. Our cautionary natures can be a two-edged sword and lead us to overthink if we get caught up in the notion of perfect solutions for imperfect problems. The Worldview is: we can’t make a decision, or can’t make decisions quickly, too passive.
• Feeling too much (over empathy) – Many HSPs, including myself, are prone due to our empathetic natures to care too much. Of course, that doesn’t really sound too bad until you think that overcaring can lead to traps with bad relationships, connecting to something or someone on purely emotional grounds bypassing reason and logic. This can setup naïve, blind trust with unscrupulous individuals or causes that could, in the end, harm us. Our empathy is our shining quality, but we can sometimes be burned by it.  The Worldview is easy marks, targets.
• Sensory silliness or hypersensitivity gone wild – This is real touchy ground. I realize that all HSPs are not wired exactly the same, but it seems to me, some of us HSPs are always complaining of supersensory sensitivity that just seems to be over the top. I am not saying that some people aren’t truly experiencing discomfort with sounds, sights, or kinesthetic stimulus, but sometimes I think we are prone to some exaggeration. To hear some people complain,  you’d think they need to live in a protective bubble.  Perhaps, I’m being callous here, or heaven forbid, insensitive, and yes, I was pretty bad as a kid, but continued exposure might be the antidote to these external elements overloads.  Maybe it's worth considering.  It helped me. The Worldview is Jesus! Get over yourself!
• Not fitting in, not trying to fit in or giving up – We as a group are truly a minority and yes, in many ways we don’t fit in. It will always be this way. We are different. Nevertheless, as humans, we are a species of social animals. That’s not an option – it’s a requirement. We need to find our niche and fit there. However, there is a larger world out there, and we belong there, too. Perhaps, not framing “fitting in” as being the goal, but rather “participating” just as we are. The World needs us and not in our protective closets. Showing up counts, fitting in doesn’t.  The Worldview is: Conform or die! Why can’t you change to fit in? Why are you so different?
• The trouble with work, right livelihood – We need to see ourselves as specialist humans. We are designed differently.  As Dr. Elaine Aron says,  we are evolutionarily necessary. This doesn’t make us better or more valuable than other humans, but we have a specialist function as advisors/counselors to our species. With that said, we need meaningful work that  respects that specialty. If we find ourselves in pedestrian, mundane, meaningless roles, we wilt and shrink and don’t realize our potential.  Right livelihood  for us  is critical. Without it, we forego our tasks as human specialists and as individuals can lose our way.  Now,  really this is not a negative trait but can lead to the negative outcome of wasting our potential. We need to be careful to choose wisely.  The Worldview is: Again, why don’t you fit in? We cannot accommodate your needs!
• Finding the right partner – Again this is not a negative unless it's done incorrectly. Finding a good life partner is difficult for most HSPs. Sometimes we luck out, other times we don’t. Having an understanding and sympathetic partner is critical to relationship success in our lives. This is not to say that happiness will elude you if you don’t have a partner, but for most of us, the right partner makes all the difference; someone who understands you and is your helpmate. They don’t have to be an HSP, just aware enough to get you. Let your heart guide you, and your intuition and instincts instruct you.  The Worldview is: frankly, the world doesn’t care. This is on us.
• Finally, being an HSP male in an unforgiving world – There is so much to say about this. The HSP male may be the most maligned of all HSPs. We straddle the line between rigid manhood and the frontier of the new feeling, aware male, the new masculinity. We are often told by both males and females we aren’t man enough,  or measure up - by some archaic and abstract definition of masculinity. But yet we know at our core self - we are simply feeling humans. I am writing a book about this experience, so stay tuned for that. Needless to say, I don’t see being an HSP male as being negative, but it can have some negative consequences.  The book will go into that. The Worldview: men don’t show emotions, toughen up, be a man.
• 
  

Despite all of these “negatives,” being an HSP is almost a calling or a mission. First, you have to frame the quality as being such. Perhaps, the worst HSP trait is focusing or ruminating on the negative aspects of being HSP. This is not the right way to approach this. A knife is a useful tool and has a myriad of productive uses, but it can also be used in destructive ways – to hurt, to maim , to kill. The tool is actually neutral; it’s usage defined by the user.

​We need to start educating ourselves about reframing the whole HSP meme and associated mythologies and start making it more useful and seeing it as the productive gift that it is and allow ourselves the leeway to experiment and make mistakes, to be hurt, to grow and wield this mighty sword for good. So, don’t despair your uniqueness and your special talents, nor despair about those times when all seems too much. Learn to recover, learn to bounce back, learn to use your tools. Use it wisely. Thrive.
 
 
Socrates: Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses.
From The Peaceful Warrior
 

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
                                    
Socrates: Death isn't sad. The sad thing is: most people don't live at all.
From The Peaceful Warrior
 
I always knew that there was something different about me, always a bit more sensitive than other boys,  perhaps, a bit more finicky about what I wore, what music I listened to, what movies I liked. I was a little more high brow, less rough and tumble, less crude and always a deep thinker and observer. Even then, I tried to adapt to the prevailing model for boys – the boy's code. I was good at sports, joined the boy scouts, made treehouses in the woods behind our house, got into boyhood adventures which including minor trouble. All trying to fit in. Still, I knew I was different than the other friends I had. I relished my time alone – reading, dreaming, listening to music.

Throughout most of my adult life, I learned to adapt, to fit in more and fit the typical male role model. This was at times challenging, but I knew having grown up in the Southern United States, what men were supposed to be, look like and act like. I moved to California in the late seventies and started my adult life – away from Southern rules.

I grew up in the sixties and seventies when being different or more importantly being yourself was encouraged. A time when being unique was a good thing. Non-conformance was seen as a positive. Self-image for me was always evolving, yet, somehow I was always concerned about how I measured up as a man. My sensitivity in most things tended to seem awkward to friends, girlfriends, and others. I was taller than most boys, beanpole skinny, but athletic and likable. That probably saved me from a few butt whippings or being the target of bullies.

Somewhere in the mid-nineties, I found out about Highly Sensitive People. I can’t remember the exact route I took, but somehow I found out about Elaine Aron’s book on sensitivity and sensitive people.  When I read the book, my eyes opened and realized that it was about me and for me. It was life-changing. It was like being found, after years or lonely wondering in” the what am I?” wilderness.
Even later when high sensitivity was given a measure of credence,  being an HSP male among HSPs seemed fine, but being an HSP among non-HSP men was different. I seemed to have more female friends than male friends, although, I did have male friends. Just a few close male friends.

Nevertheless, I still struggled with my sensitivity and my masculinity, as it was defined for me by society. I began to question how this template for being a man fit in with my internal model and feelings. The fact was I didn’t. And I knew something had to give. Now that I’m older, I have learned about the importance of being authentic and being true to oneself.  I have learned to embrace my sensitivity, and I am now an advocate of the characteristics in myself and in men that have the same qualities. I’m proud to be a sensitive man, son of a sensitive man, and father and grandfather to sensitive children.

A good friend of mine, an intuitive life coach, gave me a reading once, to help me understand myself.  In it, she described that my life purpose was to be an observer of life and to put these observations to paper. Later I recognized that calling had led me to write. It fits me well. A chance to think to ponder deeply, to verbalize my thoughts and opinions and do it an environment I chose.

This blog and the next I’ll delve a little more into my personal views in describing what I consider to be the positive attributes of being an HSP and talk of some of the challenges in having this trait. I’m sure others could add to the list as I will in time. This week I focus on what I consider positive HSP characteristics.
 
Here’s a list of things that readily come to mind – positive HSP originated traits.
 

• I have always been emotionally aware of the environment. Being so makes me feel a bit more alive than most. I feel more keenly aware of myself, and the feelings of those around me making me a better observer and hopefully a better writer as a result. This characteristic maps to the HSP characteristic of processing more sensory data.
• I like to think that I’m more creative in how I take these observations and make conclusions based on how I process the information. This is especially useful in writing. Over the years it has made my observations unique. This relates to the deep processing HSPs do.
• My ability to relate to others, feeling their joy and their pain has made me an empathetic person.  I have used this quality to be an empathetic leader at work and in my relationships with others.  It is a very useful quality for building rapport with others and staying connected at a deep level. HSPs are naturally more empathetic; it is an end result of all the HSP characteristics.
• The deeper thinking and empathy contribute to the need to have spiritual awareness. To see beyond the physical and understand purpose, meaning and the deep, deep emotions of love and joy. It is the drive for harmony in my life, helping me to rise above my baser self and see the world around me.
• Conscientiousness, a distinct HSP trait, I have had my entire life – from the first reports cards from school to work reviews and life in general. It expands beyond myself outwards to others. As a thoughtful participant in my relationships, I am conscientious towards my partner’s needs, mindful that this is more than just a quality – it is how you project into the world.
• I am also a lover of all things sensual: music, art, theater, film, food, drink, intimacy, touch, taste, sight, and sound. I love quality over quantity. There is just something authentic about a quality sensual experience. Some people call it good taste. I call it fully embracing life. As an HSP there always was the concern about too much of a good thing – so, I add, I try to do this in moderation.
• Part of my observational skills is adaptability. Perhaps, an extension of fitting in.  It allows me to blend with a variety of people. Like a chameleon, the camouflage allows me to learn and observe.  This is part of rapport building with people – it builds trust and empathy. It expands my comfort zone and raises my learning levels.
• I consider one of the greatest strengths from being sensitive is my communication skills. Communicating by paying attention, learning to observe who I’m communicating with and being able to give feedback based on that. It’s called empathy. I am mindful of the words I choose and the effects they have on my audience.
• Finally, the greatest of all these HSP traits is the gift of intuitive insights. Intuition is a really deep observation of subtle sensory inputs and works on anything from business trends, football predictions to understanding the subtle nuances of life, deciphering politics and getting to the root motive of others. It’s not always correct and the more specific the insight, the harder to get it right. Often it’s just a feeling, a sense, an understanding. The hardest part is learning to trust that intuition. There’s more than appears on the surface – just like most HSPs.

All of these qualities have served me well. Some are valued by others; some are less valued, I value them all. Being an HSM has made me above all, unique, and at times a pariah. Some people don’t know what do with me, others embrace the differences and accept me for who I am. I have learned to be careful about who I choose as friends and to keep my inner circle small.

I am grateful for the qualities that I now see as powerful gifts given to me via a combination of genetics and environment. I discover more qualities every year and embrace them. Please share the qualities that you feel are tied to your sensitivity in the comments below.
​
Next time we’ll look at the negative side of sensitivity as I see it.
 
 
Socrates: I call myself a Peaceful Warrior... because the battles we fight are on the inside
From The Peaceful Warrior

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
                                    
Prem Kumar: Final question for twenty million rupees, and he's smiling. I guess you know the answer.
Jamal Malik: Do you believe it, I don't!
Prem Kumar: You don't? So you take the ten million and walk?
Jamal Malik: No. I'll play.
From Slumdog Millionaires
 
Why do HSPs seem to struggle with making money? Is it because of our strong spiritual sides and not understanding the spiritual foundations of money? I have written before about how difficult it is for HSPs to adopt the persona of a modern capitalist. Our thinking is not predatory, and our energy makes it difficult for us to be aggressive, without overstimulating or overwhelm. We are not creatures of capitalism, but money isn’t necessarily about capitalism either. Capitalism is an economic way of dealing with money, but it isn’t the only way.

What do we know about money? Money in its material physical form is a verifiable record accepted as payment for goods, services or debt. It is a medium of exchange, a unit of accountancy, a store of value, and a standard of deferred debt.

Money in our culture is represented by paper notes issued by the Federal Reserve Bank on behalf of the US Treasury. These notes are promissory notes to pay upon demand a certain figure of said money — we use this for exchange for goods and services. Our money system is based on fiat money, which is money not backed by a valuable commodity, like gold or silver. The government backs the money and requires it’s acceptance.

Most of us work for money so that we can live, eat, and do activities that bring us pleasure. Money can be earned and given away; it can be hoarded, invested and used to pay taxes.  If you think about it, money flows from one individual to another often without the physical paper being exchanged, like an electrical current it flows, is seldom seen and is a powerful energetic.

That’s right; money is really energy. Energy can neither be created or destroyed. Countries come and go, currencies come and go, but money is always there. Money energy is really quite invisible, but the energy behind money provides the vehicle for our material creations. Without our material side, money is without use. You’ve heard the saying, “You can’t take it with you, “ well, you can’t. We use money as a conduit to express our creative side. It is the spiritual currency that manifests in material form.

I like to think of money like a river. The river generally flows unimpeded from an infinite supply source of “water,” or energy.  The river flows downstream where it touches all material beings, manifested spirits if you will. We are all trained early to believe that money is scarce and should be protected. We guard it, we protect it, invest it, measure and treasure it.  This mentality about scarcity drives our economy and our lives.

Instead of seeing the river, we see a lake or a pond. The notion of a lake or pond promotes the idea of storage of a scarce commodity. The energy is changed from flowing to stagnant. Lakes and ponds don’t flow like a river. They serve more like a battery a place to store energy. It holds and confines the energy not allowing it to flow freely. Hence, the resource is seen as scarce and not plentiful.

I believe that we all have access to this energy as long as it is flowing. We each carry buckets, which reflects our self-worth. Some of us see ourselves as carrying large, generous buckets, others are smaller , perhaps, inferior buckets with leaks and holes. The reality is that the bucket we carry is the belief we have about the availability of money, and we are often taught this by our parents and family. For some, poverty and scarcity is an inescapable reality. They can’t see how to escape their plight.

On the other side of the spectrum, those with plenty, carry large buckets to the river. In fact, because they also believe in scarcity, they tend to channel off the river, create temporary dams, and ways to hoard the energy, to stockpile in private pools the money they are afraid will disappear on them.

But, what if the money is infinite? What if there was no scarcity? What if the supply could never run out? What then? How would that change your mind and view about money? What if you could request a bigger bucket? What if you only took out of the river what you needed, always knowing that you could go back and get more at any time? How would that affect the way you live? The choices you make. Could we not live a bolder, freer, braver life, knowing that you couldn’t run out of energy (money)?

Money is in many ways a creation of our minds, and our limitation is our mind’s limitations. This energy is not limited. Money is a representation of energy potential, can it not be abundant? Can we not do things with money, if we know that the resource is not scarce. Great things for all mankind. Great humanitarian projects that would benefit all of humanity? And at a personal level be able to  live more fearlessly, able to make decisions, make mistakes and know that our mistakes are not irreversible or tied to a lifetime of hoarding our own private pool? How liberating would that be?

HSPs would be great advocates for this type of money vision. There is some substantiation for this idea in Modern Monetary Theory, an economic policy advocated by progressive economists. It is in a very brief nutshell -- a fiat system like our own current system, that subscribes to the notion that government creates the supply of money out of thin air. When it needs more money, it simply prints it, creates money and uses it. This is, of course, is oversimplified but seems to support the notion that money is like energy, it is simply channeled into notes then distributed into the population.  The energy is simply transferred and allowed to flow into the economy.  It moves from a position of scarcity to one of abundance. 

Interestingly, banks do this all the time, by creating money via loans to customers. The money flows into the economy, and the economy grows.

Understanding a detailed picture of economics isn’t necessary, the idea is that the money supply or our river, is out there. The energy behind it is waiting to be used. It’s all in the perception. Are you a scarcity person or an abundance person?

If you adhere to scarcity principles you see: scarcity, lack, you are ultra-competitive, you hoard your money, don’t offer help to others, you are suspicious, dog eat dog, fearful, gloomy, see resources shrinking, avoid risk and fear change. If you are an abundance thinker you see: plenty, brighter horizons, you collaborate, share, help, trust, welcome competition, see growth, are positive, take risks and own change in your life.  Sharp contrasts, but do you see the difference in perception? Do you realize how that perception shapes your life? It is classic reptilian thinking versus mammalian thinking, selfish survival thinking versus sharing the abundance thinking.
​
Can we be new advocates for abundance and not scarcity, where the limits of scarcity determine who gets  money and who doesn’t? Not everyone wants to be or needs to be wealthy. The definition of wealth would certainly change. What wealth means need not be about accumulation to excess but about how much happiness we have? That would change the game entirely and free us from the power of gold.
 
Christopher Gardner: [after playing basket ball] Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right?
Christopher: All right.
Christopher Gardner: You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.
From the Pursuit of Happyness
 
 
References:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economic_system
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Monetary_Theory
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money
4. https://aaronendre.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/abundance-thinking-and-scarcity-thinking.jpg

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
From When Harry Met Sally
 
Years ago, when I was working in corporate America, several of my friends and I would talk at lunch about the Primal Objective for men. We were all married or partnered at the time and being men sat around the table reminiscing about the days when the Primal Objective was our primary objective. The Primal Objective, of course,  is the drive to reproduce and frankly is probably one of the primary drivers in life.

For men, the Primal Objective is to mate with  as many willing females as is possible. Men do the majority of the pursuing of females in order to satisfy this drive.  It is, in fact, a primary driver in much of male behavior. Everything from improving social standing, increasing income, physical and mental health, accumulating wealth, grooming, etc., have at their roots  the Primal Objective. The more desirable a mate to females, the likelier the female will select the man. As primitive as this is, this is how nature intended. It reminds me of a quote, I think, from Rupert Sheldrake that said that the human being is the delivery mechanism for DNA. The sum total of what we do is to spread our genetic information. Hence, the gene is responsible for the Primal Objective.

For women, the Primal Objective is the selection of the best possible mate within a group of suitors. Individual preferences, notwithstanding, females select for the ability to aid in the raising of the young and provide assistance in raising said offspring. Now, this may sound primitive, and a bit old fashioned or may not account for modern cultural norms, but at the impulse/drive level this pretty much sums up how it all works.

This model does not put the female in a secondary position. As has always been the case, ideally, all mating behavior stems from female choice.  Women choose who they mate with,  men compete for selection – and the species continues. By this reckoning, women should own the process.

Men and women have different Primal Objectives, yet both supposedly produce the desired, mutually beneficial  outcome. The drive for men to mate with as many partners as possible is so, because of the lack of risk and commitment men have to make in reproduction. In an elemental way, they are free to pursue as many mates as they desire.

Yet, somehow, humans have evolved into fairly monogamous creatures – creating pair bonds to ensure success in progeny growth and development. It has worked fairly well for millennia. Not dependent on a single alpha male, lower ranging males can compete with alphas by offering services to the females in exchange for mating preference and loyalty.  It all is this complex dance, filled with synchronicity, love, wine, and roses.

All this has led through the ages to the current system of mating we experience now. But, the fundamentals remain.

All would seem fine except for the fact that this system can go dark. Increasingly we see the exposure of the Primal Objective, especially in men, go uncontrolled and become runaway and harmful. The consequences are a barrage of negative primal urges that create acts of rape, harassment, verbal and physical assault, incest, slavery, and misogyny.

What happens when the Primal Objective goes awry? Unchecked it leads to enormous psychological and physical damage which perpetuates intergenerationally. Although women and girls are not the only victims – they are by far the largest target group.

We live in a culture where toxic masculinity has objectified women to justify the allowance of a runaway male Primal Objective culture. In the natural order, men compete for female selection, but in this corruption of that model, women are selected by the men in a role reversal and very often against their will and suffer the abuse of a natural system gone wrong. The Primal Objective for men was never about making the selection, but rather being selected. It is about asking, not taking. Today this perversion of that process is rampant.

A male movement needs to begin that join forces with groups like #Metoo to educate and train men on how to control runaway Primal Objective urges. All men are affected when this dark side arises – regardless of whether these urges are acted upon or not. Many men today are afraid that past transgressions will be exposed and are tentative about participating or embracing such a movement for fear exposure from a long ago past will create a volatile environment for their current lives. What is needed is a safe space for men to seek forgiveness and to heal their own wounds, often inflicted on them by others, but passed on in a cyclical nature.

Understand that this does not give an excuse for such behavior whether it may seem  innocent to some as playfulness or harmless, it often carries serious repercussions to the victims. What is needed is a greater awareness among men and empathy and understanding towards the plight that women share. Men need to learn to respect women and refamiliarize themselves with the way the selection process works. The focus should not be about shaming men for the urges, but rather to teach an appreciation and to understand the larger reproductive cycle, where the ultimate power/choice is with the female. Breaking away from the natural order has dire consequences. We are leaving psychological, physical and spiritual scars on our women that create an environment of mistrust, pain, and injury that affects generations. It not only affects the innocent victims but the innocent people that love them, too.

How could HSMs help? HSP males would make excellent leaders and inspirational models for other men in many ways.  Our natural empathy and ability to process emotions would help us to reach men and show by example how to express feelings out in the open. Part of the problem is the inability to talk about the uncontrollable urges or the control issues, many men have. This is not to say that all men are guilty of this behavior or that all HSP males are innocent of wrongdoing. Yet, an element of the male community needs to step forward to ally with women to stop these transgressions. HSMs would be good candidates because we need to lead the effort to combat toxic masculine destructiveness, not only for our sake but for the sake of all men and boys.

It’s important that men get involved with the #Metoo movement. Women need our support. We need to quit blaming the victims, offer assurances that they can speak freely, create an environment where crimes can be adjudicated, and preventative measures can be put into place. We need to focus on awareness and empathy, develop proactive laws to protect and prevent abuse, educate about harassment in schools and at work and be aggressive with law enforcement on sex trafficking,  rape, and incest.
​
In the end, understand our primal drives are necessary but need to be moderated in order to have a safe and understanding environment where the Primal Objective and modern romance can follow the natural order.
 
Sally Albright: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
Harry Burns: That's what drew her to me.
Sally Albright: Your dark side?
Harry Burns: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts.
Sally Albright: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry Burns: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.
 
From When Harry Met Sally
 
 
References:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_mating_strategies
2. http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/denisiuk.html
3. http://thematinggrounds.com/how-mating-works/
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_Too_movement
5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201412/just-how-dark-is-your-dark-side

A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
 
Luke: All right, I'll give it a try.
Yoda: No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.
​
From Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
 
In the early sixties, Polish psychiatrist, Kazimierz Dabrowski developed a personality development theory called Positive Disintegration. Positive Disintegration Theory postulates a personality development framework that emphasizes personality evolution via overexcitability  (OE) crises of the individual , which amounts to a heightened experience of stimulus via increased neuronal sensitivities.  This experience places the individual into crisis situations which expands the boundaries of personality and allows for growth.  Individuals progress through levels of development spurred by these existential sensory excitements, eventually achieving a creative, altruistic state that optimizes human potential.

It would seem a perfect developmental model for Highly Sensitive People, with our highly sensitive natures. We are well equipped to experience these catalysts for growth that could lead us to become highly advanced personalities per this model. But would our unique personality characteristics make us better designed to evolve to a higher level of human personality, and if so, for what purpose?

Let’s look at the theory.  Some of the main tenets of the theory are:  1) tension and anxiety are necessary for personal growth, 2) personality is not innate but must be learned, 3) developmental potential (DP), a key component and is a result of the overexcitability (OE) factor as well as the drive for autonomy, 4) the disintegration component refers to the breakdown of our primary integration, which is a more reptilian early life personality focused on selfish drives and survival.  This basic personality is formed as a result of primal instincts and socialization and must dissolve for developmental growth to occur.

Emotional reactions cause the development of individual values, different and individuated from the societal norms. Decisions are then made about the individual essence (which I read as the core of the person) and then existential choices then allow expression of the higher self and inhibition of the lower self as measured against these new found values.

The levels of development occur along five stages. The developmental potential for each individual derives from various genetic features expressed through interaction with the environment.  Through various mechanisms including overexcitability (OE), specific abilities and talents and a strong desire for autonomous growth this potential is realized. There are five aspects to (OE) they include: psychomotor (excessive physical energy, impulsivity), sensual (expression through the senses), imaginational (visualization in the mind), intellectual (voracious learners) and emotional (empathy). 

For those with high levels of OE, such as would be expected for HSPs, the road to development is not an easy one. Many highs and lows make navigating through development difficult. People with high developmental potential have a strong compulsion to work through and walk their own path. I find that in my contacts with HSPs this seems to be a common theme.

Dabrowski describes five levels of development.  As mentioned before we all start at the same place at the primary integration level. Many people stay at this level their whole lives, never advancing, focusing on self-centered objectives and survival strategies at all costs. This has nothing to do with intelligence. It is about the emotional development of the individual. Many intelligent, powerful people stay locked here. Their success predicated on fulfilling their basest desires. Others live here to follow and conform, never fully developing a strong sense of self. There is great social and peer pressure to conform here, a robotic and rote existence.

The next level, Unilevel Disintegration, occurs as a result of brief periods of crisis, followed by existential despair and then transformation. An example might be adolescence, financial crisis, or the death of a loved one. Generally, these crises are horizontal – right/wrong, forward/backward types of decisions. This is a transitional stage. Many people pass through this level,  as life does present many challenges. However, the transition does elude some, and they regress back to Level One, an easier state of being. Those that utilize the opportunity grow and begin to see the formation of individual values and beliefs.

At the third level,  named Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration,  many either progress or regress back to lower levels. The key question is, “Do I follow my instincts, my teachings or my heart?” Following the heart is the realization of the awakening of the third level.  Relying on personal values developed over the previous stages and individual and unique perspectives, allow for breaking the mold and standing alone. This is a vertical choice level, involving many options spanning over many disparate levels, much like three-dimensional chess.  There is an expansion of thinking outside of the box, exercising the individuals own beliefs and values.  This level is a gateway to higher levels for those that embrace the work. Many never move beyond, and some even regress, even fewer move forward.

Level Four is called Directed Multilevel Disintegration. The process of disintegration of the primary integration continues. At this level, more conscious and deliberate choices are made by the individual. The growth becomes centered externally, seeing beyond self and taking a more prosocial stance. It is a movement towards mammalian thinking--what is good for the herd, what is good for the group. More empathy,  and more expansion. The individual begins to think in terms of what is the right thing to do, over more selfish interests.

Finally at Level Five comes the Secondary Integration and is guided by conscious choices based on personal values. Shedding the primary integration, the individual awakens to their potential as a fully functioning human. Now distinct and separate from simply surviving and self-centered obsessiveness or obligation to conform to a societal norm that no longer seems relevant, the person is free to exercise free will. Choices are now made on the personal values honed over the various levels. True creativity, originality and a higher level of being occurs at this level. At this level, the primary integration is replaced by the unique integration of the individual.

How do HSPs fit into this developmental model? At what level do HSPs seem to gravitate? Do we experience OE more often than most non-HSPs and does this move us forward in development faster than others?

This seems to make sense considering our innate sensory sensitivities and our capacity for deep, reflective processing. With the exception that some HSPs might find retreating to a lower level more comfortable, albeit for temporary rest and reflection. We as a group would largely move forward without  much conscious effort. We clearly process more emotional crises than others, because we feel more deeply – pulling in intuitive as well as sensory data.  Pushing boundaries should be something all HSPs are encouraged to do, for this is the place where crisis meets learning opportunity and growth ensues.  Most of the individuals that Dabrowski studied to develop this theory were at their peak, creatively and spiritually. Level Five sounds a lot like a high functioning HSP and could represent a good model for HSPs to adopt.

Do the various levels equate in some way to various spiritual levels? The qualities of each level would suggest traveling from base instincts to a more altruistic and spiritual peak at Level Five. Could that mean that HSPs would then be more prone to being spiritually “enlightened?” It would seem so, but only for the ones that push forward, rising above the crises of life, learning, retaining, discovering the value of their own unique personality.  Yet, can we break free of our obsessiveness with OE and fully see that crisis as a tool for higher evolvement? To face head-on existential moments in life with confidence that in spite of the pain moves us  to higher levels of being human. With that, I believe we can live our lives with our full potential and help the planet evolve. It’s an interesting thought and an even more interesting theory.
 
Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Luke: Vader... Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack.
Luke: But tell me why I can't...
Yoda: No, no! There is no "why".

From Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
 
References:

1. http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Positive_Disintegration
2. https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/dabrowskis-positive-disintegration/
3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/creative-synthesis/201107/diagnosis-normal-bright-conflicted-and-out-sync
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201701/why-growth-most-often-occurs-when-we-fall-apart