 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Total words 728, Time to read: 3 minutes 4 seconds Note: This past week, I lost my ninety-three-year-old mother. Despite her age, her passing surprised those of us who loved her. She was a constant guiding light for me and my sisters. And she will be sorely missed. I thought it might be helpful to add this blog to help other HSP men pass through the pathway of grief. Writing helps me focus on my thoughts and feelings, journaling from the soul. I will always love and never forget her, but as they say, this grief will one day pass to happy remembrances. Godspeed, Mom. Grief is a profound and challenging emotion that affects everyone differently. The grieving process can be particularly overwhelming for Highly Sensitive Men (HSP), who experience emotions more intensely. Being a Highly Sensitive Person means having deeper emotional responsiveness and empathy. When faced with losing a parent, HSP men may find themselves uniquely navigating grief, seeking understanding and support. In this blog, we will explore the impact of losing a parent, the grieving process for HSP men, how to understand their emotional perspective, and offer tips on embracing their feelings and overcoming the pain. The Impact of Losing a Parent Losing a parent is an emotionally significant event for anyone, but for HSP men, it can be even more impactful due to their heightened sensitivity. According to psychologist Dr. Elaine N. Aron, highly sensitive individuals may deeply process emotional experiences, leading to intense reactions to loss and grief. This heightened emotional sensitivity can result in a range of complex emotions, making the grieving process more challenging. The Grieving Process for HSP Men The grieving process is not linear; HSP men may experience it uniquely. The stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, can be amplified for HSP individuals. Understanding that grief is a personal journey and allowing oneself to grieve at their own pace is crucial for healing. Remembering that there is no "right" way to grieve is essential. Understanding the Emotional Perspective HSP men may encounter a mix of intense emotions during the grieving process, including profound sadness, vulnerability, and guilt. The feeling of vulnerability might stem from their empathetic nature, as they deeply connect with the emotions of others around them. It's essential to validate and reassure them that experiencing such feelings is a natural part of the healing journey, not a sign of weakness. Embracing the Expression of Feelings Society often expects men to be stoic and reserved, but for HSP men, openly expressing emotions is essential for healing. Breaking societal norms and embracing their feelings without judgment is empowering. Engaging in healthy emotional expression through writing, talking to a supportive friend, or seeking professional counseling can be immensely beneficial during this difficult time. Moving Through the Pain Coping with grief can be overwhelming, but there are strategies that can help HSP men navigate through the pain. Mindfulness practices, meditation, and creative outlets such as art or music can be therapeutic tools. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and self-care is vital for emotional well-being during this challenging period. Seeking Support HSP men don't need to navigate grief alone. They can turn to friends, family members, therapists, or grief support groups for understanding and comfort. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can provide a safe space to share feelings and experiences without judgment or misunderstanding. How Grieving Differs for HSP Men Grief for HSP men can be distinct due to their heightened sensitivity to environmental triggers and empathetic nature. While this may intensify the grieving process, it can also lead to deeper healing and a greater capacity for empathy and understanding. The Duration of Bereavement Grief does not follow a fixed timeline, and bereavement has no "right" or "wrong" duration. HSP men should be patient with themselves and allow their emotions to unfold naturally over time. As they embrace their sensitivity, they can learn to navigate grief in their unique way. Conclusion Grieving as a Highly Sensitive Man is a deeply personal and transformative experience. Acknowledging the impact of losing a parent, understanding the stages of grief, embracing emotions without judgment, and seeking Support are essential steps in the healing process. Remember, healing takes time, and it's okay to experience grief in a way that reflects individual sensitivity. By embracing their emotions and seeking Support, HSP men can find hope and resilience, moving forward with newfound strength and compassion.
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 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Total words 397, Time to read: 1 minute 40 seconds Amid life's chaos, it's not uncommon for highly sensitive men to feel trapped in monotonous routines, stuck in a never-ending cycle. But just like the captivating rhythms of Jimmy Buffett's album, "Living and Dying in 3/4 Time," finding a harmonious balance requires a unique approach for highly sensitive individuals. This blog aims to provide guidance on breaking free from ruts, exploring new experiences, and embracing the vibrant tapestry of life. Recognizing the Ruts: Highly sensitive men often face challenges when caught in ruts. The repetitive nature of routines can profoundly impact their emotional well-being and personal growth. These individuals must cultivate self-awareness and recognize when they feel trapped or stagnant. Breaking Free: To escape the clutches of monotony, highly sensitive men can benefit from practical strategies for breaking free. Stepping outside their comfort zones and venturing into uncharted territory can be transformative. Embracing change, taking calculated risks, and challenging themselves to try new things can unlock a world of possibilities. Embracing Novel Experiences: Novel experiences can catalyze personal growth, increased self-confidence, and a broader perspective on life for highly sensitive men. Exploring unfamiliar territories through hobbies, travel, or artistic pursuits allows them to expand their horizons and tap into the richness of new encounters. Encourage readers to embrace the excitement of the unknown and discover the untapped potential within themselves. Building Resilience: Navigating novel experiences can evoke challenges and fears, but building resilience is essential for highly sensitive men. Cultivating self-compassion, setting realistic expectations, and seeking support from trusted friends or professionals can help overcome obstacles. Setbacks are part of the journey and can be transformed into valuable lessons along the way. Self-Care and Mindfulness: Highly sensitive men must prioritize self-care and mindfulness in their lives. Engaging in self-care practices such as meditation, journaling, and activities that bring joy and relaxation can restore emotional balance. Encourage readers to carve out time for themselves, recognizing that self-care is not selfish but necessary for their well-being. Conclusion: For highly sensitive men, navigating life's rhythms can be an intricate dance between living and dying in 3/4 time. Breaking free from ruts, embracing novel experiences, and prioritizing self-care are essential steps toward a fulfilling existence. Remember, the journey itself is a tapestry of growth and self-discovery. By embracing change and allowing themselves to explore uncharted paths, highly sensitive men can find their unique rhythm and thrive in their symphony of life. The Sensitive Man - Cultivating Gratitude: A Path to Inner Strength for Highly Sensitive Men5/31/2023  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Total words 816, Time to read: 3 minutes 26 seconds Being a highly sensitive man comes with unique challenges, but it also presents an opportunity for deep introspection and personal growth. In navigating the complexities of life, one powerful tool that can greatly enhance well-being is gratitude. Practicing gratitude allows highly sensitive men to shift their focus from the negatives to the positives, fostering a positive mindset and nurturing their overall emotional health. What is Gratitude, and How Does It Affect Highly Sensitive Men? Gratitude is more than just saying "thank you." It is a transformative practice that involves acknowledging and appreciating the blessings, big or small, in our lives. For highly sensitive men, cultivating gratitude can profoundly impact their attitude and emotional well-being. It enables them to shift their perspective, focusing on the abundance and positivity surrounding them rather than getting overwhelmed by their challenges. Gratitude also plays a crucial role in managing emotions and reducing stress, providing a sense of inner calm and balance. Methods of Practicing Gratitude
When to Practice Gratitude
Things to Be Grateful for as a Highly Sensitive Man You possess unique qualities and strengths worth celebrating as a highly sensitive man. Consider focusing your gratitude on the following:
Benefits of Practicing Gratitude and Developing a Daily Habit By incorporating gratitude into your daily life, you can experience a range of benefits, including:
Practicing gratitude is a transformative journey that can profoundly impact the lives of highly sensitive men. By focusing on the positives, expressing appreciation, and reflecting on the blessings in their lives, they can foster a positive mindset, cultivate inner strength, and nurture their overall well-being. Embrace the power of gratitude in your life, starting today. Begin each day with gratitude, end each day with reflection, and watch as your perspective shifts, opening doors to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Total words:1229, Time to read: 6.43 minutes Overcoming the Pain of Criticism: Techniques for Highly Sensitive Men to Grow and Thrive As a highly sensitive person, receiving criticism or rejection can feel particularly overwhelming and painful. The highly sensitive trait is characterized by a deeper level of processing, which can lead to greater emotional intensity and a tendency to take things to heart. However, highly sensitive men can cope with criticism and rejection effectively. In this blog post, we will explore the roots of the pain associated with criticism and rejection, techniques for processing it, and strategies for avoiding manipulative and harmful criticism. The challenge of coping with rejection and criticism For highly sensitive men, criticism and rejection can feel like personal attacks. This can trigger various emotions, including anger, sadness, and anxiety. Learning to cope with criticism and rejection can be particularly challenging for highly sensitive men, but it is essential for personal and professional growth. Roots of the pain associated with rejection and criticism Understanding the sensitive person's experiences Highly sensitive men may have experienced rejection and criticism as particularly painful in the past. This can be due to a range of factors, including childhood experiences, socialization, and personality traits. This might also include not "measuring up" to the expectation for masculine behavior. These experiences can lead to a deep-seated fear of rejection and criticism, making it difficult to process feedback objectively. How sensitivity plays a role in processing perceived "attacks" For highly sensitive men, criticism and rejection can feel like a vendetta against them personally. This is because the highly sensitive trait is characterized by a deeply personal way of processing emotional content, which can lead to greater emotional intensity. The ability to sense subtle physical, mental, and vocal hostilities or perceived hostilities makes some HSP Men more likely to see criticism as destructive versus constructive. This high sensitivity to criticism may cause protective emotional barriers to kick in and block the constructive nature of the criticism from coming through. This reaction can be a conditioned response based on memories of past negative criticisms and may seem spontaneous and intuitive. Highly sensitive men may also tend to take things to heart, making it difficult to separate criticism from the perceived pain of past experiences. In many ways, this is a knee-jerk reaction based on not learning to receive criticism as a helpful attempt to correct erroneous behavior and make the individual mindful of possible corrections. However, there is also a perfectionism streak in many HSPs that make them vulnerable to criticism. The expectation is that they have been conscientious about their performance and expect that it is perfect without externally testing that theory. In this case, perfectionism is the enemy of excellence. Separating criticism from perceived pain Remaining objective about criticism One of the key skills for coping with criticism and rejection is to remain objective. This means recognizing that criticism is not a personal attack but an opportunity to learn and grow. It is important to focus on the content of the feedback and not let the emotions associated with it overwhelm you. Sometimes many who deliver criticism are not educated in the skilled delivery of critique, so that it may come across as harsh or brusque. Detecting this difference can help HSPs understand to separate the critic from the criticism. Preparing mentally for criticism Another technique for coping with criticism is to prepare mentally for it. This can involve reminding yourself that feedback is an opportunity for growth and setting realistic expectations for the feedback you may receive. Practicing mindfulness techniques to stay calm and centered in the face of criticism can also be helpful. Staying calm under fire and seeing the bright side Staying calm in the face of criticism can be challenging for highly sensitive men. However, it is essential to separate criticism from the perceived pain. One technique for staying calm is focusing on the feedback's positive aspects. This simple switch in thinking can involve looking for constructive feedback and recognizing that the feedback is an opportunity to improve. Techniques for processing criticism and rejection Accepting feedback gracefully Gracefully accepting feedback is an essential skill for coping with criticism and rejection. In short, this means listening actively to the feedback, acknowledging it, and expressing gratitude for the feedback, even if you don't agree with it initially. Techniques to calm the mind to accept criticism objectively A range of methods can help calm the mind and accept criticism objectively. These include mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Stopping your internal dialogue long enough to listen actively is key to ensuring you understand the criticism. Developing a positive attitude toward criticism Developing a positive attitude towards criticism can be challenging for highly sensitive men. However, dissecting the criticism for opportunities to grow and focusing less on the delivery is essential. This step involves recognizing that criticism is an opportunity to learn and grow and concentrate on the constructive aspects of the feedback. Stay positive. Learning from criticism to achieve goals and objectives One of the key benefits of criticism is that it can help you achieve your goals and objectives. Learning from criticism involves recognizing the areas you need to improve and developing an action plan to address them. When in doubt, ask for help. Knowing that you can act on the criticism moves you from a place of helplessness to a position of control. In the end, if the complaint does not resonate with you, you can always reject it. Building a long-term strategy for dealing with criticism and rejection Dealing with criticism and rejection is a lifelong process, and it is important to develop a long-term coping strategy. Part of this can involve setting realistic expectations, practicing self-care, and seeking support from trusted friends and family members. Avoiding manipulative and harmful criticism Recognizing the difference between constructive and destructive criticism Not all criticism is created equal. It is important to recognize the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. Constructive criticism is feedback intended to help you improve, while destructive criticism is feedback meant to harm or manipulate you. Setting boundaries to protect oneself One way to avoid manipulative and harmful criticism is to set boundaries. This can involve recognizing your limitations and being assertive about your needs. It can also include identifying when criticism is not constructive and choosing not to engage with it or the person delivering the negative feedback. Conclusion Reiterating that highly sensitive men can learn to cope with criticism and rejection Learning to cope with criticism and rejection is challenging for everyone, but it can be particularly difficult for highly sensitive men. However, with the right techniques and strategies, developing the skills needed to cope is possible. Encouraging the use of techniques listed to process rejection and criticism productively The techniques listed in this blog post can be helpful for anyone who struggles with criticism and rejection. By remaining objective, preparing mentally, and focusing on the positive aspects of feedback, it is possible to process criticism productively and constructively. Empowering highly sensitive men to see criticism as an opportunity to grow By learning to cope with criticism and rejection, highly sensitive men can develop the skills needed to grow and achieve their goals. By recognizing that criticism is not a personal attack but rather an opportunity to learn and improve, highly sensitive men can use feedback to become their best selves.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Total words: 1101, Time to read: 4.38 minutes As a highly sensitive man (HSM), navigating social situations can be daunting. It's common for highly sensitive men to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed out in social situations. However, it's important to remember that social skills are essential for success in both personal and professional life. This article will discuss tips for navigating social situations for highly sensitive men. Importance of Navigating Social Situations for Highly Sensitive Men Navigating social situations is crucial for highly sensitive men to build meaningful relationships, advance their careers, and improve their quality of life. Developing social skills can also help highly sensitive men cope with social anxiety and overcome shyness. Personal Social Situations Approaching personal social situations can be challenging for highly sensitive men. Here are some tips for navigating these situations:
Work Social Situations Navigating work social situations can be a challenge for highly sensitive men. Here are some tips for managing work-social situations:
Everyday Social Interactions Managing everyday social interactions can be a problem for highly sensitive men. So here are some tips for managing these interactions:
Ameliorating Overwhelm on the Fly in Social Situations Highly sensitive men may experience overwhelm in social situations. Here are some strategies for managing overwhelm on the spot:
Using High Sensitivity as a Strength in Stressful Social Situations Embracing High Sensitivity Many highly sensitive men view their sensitivity as a liability, something to be overcome or hidden. However, high sensitivity can be a valuable asset in social situations. By embracing your sensitivity and recognizing it as a unique trait, you can learn to use it to your advantage. Recognizing the Benefits of High Sensitivity High sensitivity can offer a unique perspective in social situations. HSPs are often more attuned to the emotions of others and can pick up on subtle social cues that others may miss. This can lead to increased empathy, understanding, and insight into social dynamics. Recognizing these benefits can help you to feel more confident in your social interactions. Finding Your Unique Strengths As a highly sensitive man, you likely have unique strengths that can be leveraged in social situations. Take some time to reflect on your strengths, whether it's your ability to connect with others on a deep level or your attention to detail. By recognizing your strengths, you can find ways to use them to your advantage in social situations. Feeling More Confident and Self-Assured in Social Situations Building Self-Confidence Building self-confidence can be difficult for highly sensitive men who may struggle with self-doubt and insecurities. However, taking small steps to build confidence can make a big difference. Practice positive self-talk, set achievable goals for yourself, and celebrate your successes. Practicing Self-Compassion Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness and understanding. This can be especially important for highly sensitive men who may be hard on themselves for not meeting societal expectations or for feeling overwhelmed in social situations. By practicing self-compassion, you can learn to be more accepting of yourself and your sensitivity. Developing a Positive Mindset A positive mindset can help you approach social situations with a more optimistic outlook. Focus on the positive aspects of social interactions, such as the opportunity to connect with others or learn something new. Reframing your mindset can reduce social anxiety and make you feel more self-assured in social situations. Conclusion Recap of Tips for Navigating Social Situations Navigating social situations as a highly sensitive man can be difficult, but it is not impossible. By taking small steps to manage social anxiety, ameliorate overwhelm, and recognize the benefits of high sensitivity, you can learn to feel more confident and self-assured in social situations. Encouragement for Highly Sensitive Men To all the highly sensitive men out there, know that you are not alone. Many men struggle with social anxiety and overwhelm, and it is okay to feel this way. However, by embracing your sensitivity and finding ways to use it to your advantage, you can easily navigate social situations. Final Thoughts and Future Outlook Navigating social situations as a highly sensitive man is an ongoing journey. There will be ups and downs, successes and setbacks. However, with practice and patience, you can learn to manage social anxiety and feel more confident in your interactions with others. Remember to be kind to yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
The Importance of Field of Dreams: A Story of Reconciliation and Masculinity In 1989 as a sensitive man going through a difficult divorce, I was searching for emotional healing and a moment of revelation. The film Field of Dreams, directed by Phil Alden Robinson, was not, as the title implies, just about baseball but about reconciling a long-lost relationship between a father and son. It profoundly impacted me because I had lost my father, as Ray Kinsella had in the film when I was only seventeen and not yet mature enough to process the emotions and impact of such a loss. The film's storyline was a fantasy about a man who builds a baseball field on his farm, plowing through his crop based on nothing more than a voice in his head. The main character is led on a road trip to pick up men with broken dreams, including an idealistic but disillusioned writer, a small-town doctor who dreamed of being a ballplayer, and deep within the cornfield, a dishonored Chicago White Sox baseball player plagued by scandal. All of them were looking to reconcile lost opportunities, all tied to baseball. The fantasy was provided by a mystic force and metaphysical magic, with the cornfield backdrop serving as the off-stage for the various actors returning from life after death. But the main story was the reconciliation of Ray Kinsella with his father, John, portrayed in the movie by his younger self. The film explores the idea of reconciliation through fantasy, which can be both comforting and challenging. Although, it can be difficult to achieve in real life, particularly between fathers and sons. Fathers and sons often unwittingly drift from each other, creating a lack of trust and love that both yearn for, but their egos block. Sometimes, this is over something trivial, but it metastasizes into an immutable block that prevents the necessary healing. In addition, pride and shame often prime the pump of masculine stubbornness that prevents the healing required. The scene in the movie that ties up the storylines is the final catch scene. Kinsella knows that the young player who has joined the other professionals from the other side is his dad. It's unclear if the senior Kinsella knows until the final scene that Ray is his son. At dusk, one evening, the father has been practicing with the other professional players who emerged from the cornfield. The others leave, and John is left to pack up the remaining gear. Ray strikes up an awkward conversation with him. As the conversation begins to wane and the father begins to work his way back into the cornfield, Ray stops him and, in the most pivotal part of the movie, looks towards his father and calls him by name. "Dad, do you want to have a catch?" His voice almost breaks at the request, and the father looks at him like he's known all along and says yes. At that moment, the healing begins. Many men cry during this scene, as it represents the healing of the relationship between fathers and sons, many of whom, like me, will never experience this moment. Finally, Ray got his dream, and as the prescient voice stated, he was able to "ease his pain." The movie ends as the camera pulls back, revealing a line of cars coming to the field of dreams, no doubt bearing the hopes of legions of men who long for this healing. There are so many ways of slicing this movie up. Still, it's clear the themes of masculinity (baseball references), expressing and receiving tender emotions, reconciling past wrongs, and healing within the context of something so strongly American: corn fields, baseball, and father-son relationships. The film has various metaphors of masculinity, including baseball, the responsibilities of fatherhood, the repression of feelings, and the release and forgiveness necessary for healing. These metaphors contribute to the film's overall message about what it means to be a man. Men are expected to repress their emotions and still be responsible fathers and dutiful sons, which can lead to strained relationships between males. The film highlights the importance of forgiveness, perspective, and release, with an underlying message about healing key relationships before it's too late. The film profoundly impacted me, offering a chance to reconcile and regain a lost relationship, albeit via vicarious methods. I related to the film's portrayal of masculinity, which helped me understand my own emotions and relationships. The audience's reaction to the catch scene was cathartic, and many men can relate to what was seen. I wish and sometimes fantasize that I could heal my relationship with my father. Being a man is complicated, and the film's portrayal of masculinity has given me an anchor point to my relationship with my children, especially my sons. I felt the film was masterful in portraying these frayed father-son relationships. I completely connected to the film, not knowing when I started watching, the emotional journey it would take me on. Like Kinsella, I lost my dad at a young age. We never got to reach that point where we connected. He was my model for masculinity, and until he died, I felt like I had failed him. I was a sensitive boy, and he was a sensitive man. He tried his best to toughen me up, but he sensed my frustration, the same frustration which he also knew. Time would have healed our wounds if he had only lived longer. But, instead, his absence left an empty hole in my life. The movie showed me the wound again and made me deal with it. I cried for days afterward, probably because it hit so hard, but also because of my divorce. I was separated from my children, and the emotions of separation lingered with me daily. Years later, I still feel strong emotions when I watch the film. The significance of this film is truly understated. Perhaps, because so many men will not own up to their painful emotions, many will not see the catharsis that the film provides. One of the key and most important relationships in a man's life is with his father. The thread of male bonding runs deep and is often neglected or not nurtured. Unfortunately, some men will never be able to receive that healing – a sad state provided by some of the more rigid rules of traditional masculinity. There is always a little boy inside of every man who couldn't be expressed – full of emotion, questions, and a desire to be themselves. Trying so hard to please their father, they abandon their dreams in hopes of creating a bridge between father and son. Know this that time waits for no man. The time is now to show and express your feelings for those you love. Heal the differences, but accept the individual as they have been created. Field of Dreams was one of the most emotional movies I have watched and experienced. Why it is not considered one of the greatest films of all time is beyond me. Maybe it was the fantasy; perhaps it broached a forbidden topic; regardless, viewing should be required for all men who have struggled with losing their fathers.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
As we age, we change. That is a fact of life. Aging brings about a change in perceptions, physiology, and personalities. But, unfortunately, there is a price to pay for our wisdom and accumulated experience. Wear and tear on our bodies; that's the human way. HSPs are no different. Our bodies age like everyone else, with the attendant changes and erosion of long-held capabilities. But do we, as highly sensitive people, have changes in our sensitivity as we grow older? That question was looked at in a 2019 study from Japan. Does high sensitivity change with age? A single study. The study suggested that several personality traits on the Big Five Personality test change as we age. Those traits, openness, and neuroticism, appear to change inversely in older adults, with openness growing and neuroticism declining as people age. The study's authors correlated three HSP traits: 1) low sensory threshold, 2) ease of excitation, and 3) aesthetic sensitivity (deemed spirituality in the study) to the Big Five traits noted above. In addition, it was stated in previous studies that openness tends to increase with age and that neuroticism declines with age. In the HSP study, the attributes of low sensory threshold and ease of excitation were correlated with the personality trait of neuroticism. In addition, the HSP attribute of aesthetic sensitivity was associated with openness. The authors hypothesized that the HSP traits would follow the aging patterns seen in the Big Five traits. The study's conclusion bore out the hypothesis and suggested that some of the HSP traits decline or increase depending upon the attribute as we age. Why this makes sense. Because we lose sensory processing ability as we age, this makes sense. Those traits that correlate with sensory inputs would understandably lose ability with aging due to diminished capacity in older individuals. The HSP cycle of perception often begins with the processing of sensory data; if that capacity is declining, then naturally, our excitation and the low sensory threshold would be impacted. The study seems to confirm that they both appear to decline with age. Conversely, the aesthetic sensitivity trait increased with age, corresponding to the findings about openness linearly increased with age in previous studies. Aesthetic sensitivity is a higher-order emotional processing trait, as is spirituality, which is typically internally processed and seems to mature with age. With added experience, you might conclude that this internal processing would be enhanced with increased age. That makes sense. The conclusion suggests these attributes may change over time (aging) based on the task and the environment. These may affect the outcomes and make generalizing the conclusion more problematic. More study is needed. The Study The study surveyed approximately 1900 Japanese adults measured across three dimensions of sensory processing sensitivity noted, and participants were of a wide range of ages. Although this is a single study, it's worth noting. The authors suggested that improvements to future studies could include longitudinal studies, increasing the number of aspects studied, and doing more cross-cultural studies to factor out cultural biases. My Observations I have often wondered if personality doesn't change over time, with the increased experience and effects from environmental factors. This would include SPS. One question for the HSP study is whether high sensitivity diminishes over time or becomes ameliorated with experience and life adjustments. I know in my own experience, as I age, it seems that I have mellowed on some of the more extreme emotions/reactions that would have been more pronounced and visible at an early age. However, I am not suggesting that the trait completely changes. No, I believe it stays as constant as anything can with the passage of time. Still, we need more studies to support the idea that the core attributes remain with us throughout our lives but may gain or decline based on physical aging, how we learn to cope with some of the challenges HSPs face, and how we develop strategies to thrive. What do you think?  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Have you ever felt disconnected from your emotions so that you couldn’t find the words to express them clearly? Perhaps, you learned early in life that certain emotions were not to be expressed by men or boys. As a result, you learned to suppress those emotions under penalty of punishment or shame. So what happened to the feeling? Did it disappear or go away? Not hardly, you may have suppressed it, but the energy lingered within you -festering and eating at you, but you couldn’t talk about it for fear of appearing to be less than a man. A term for that in psychology was coined by psychologists John Case Nemiah and Peter Sifneos – male normative alexithymia. It is a personality function that, although not clinically defined as a disorder, does make it seem dysfunctional in the individual experiencing it. Male normative alexithymia borrows the term from a personality trait known as alexithymia, which we will discuss briefly. In Western society, men are not often allowed to express difficult emotions that appear to expose a vulnerability, such as sadness, deep compassion, overt fear, or tenderness. Men are shamed or guilted if they express these emotions openly. In this context, the suppression of feelings is known as male normative alexithymia. It is a culturally assigned emotional regulation requirement that men are placed under to bolster their standing as strong, masculine men. It is pervasive in our male-dominated, hyper-masculine culture. For this article, we will focus on the impacts of male normative alexithymia and how we might change masculinity requirements to reflect a healthier relationship between men and their natural human emotions. What is Alexithymia? First, let’s describe alexithymia, the personality trait. Although not classified in the D.S.M. as a disorder, it certainly manifests as dysfunction and may vary in intensity depending on the individual. Alexithymia comes from the Greek literally meaning “no words for emotions.” Typically, there are four components of alexithymia: 1) difficulty identifying feelings, 2) difficulty describing feelings to others, 3) a stimulus-bound, externally oriented thinking style, and 4) constricted imaginal processes. In addition, alexithymia serves as a temporary defense against emotional pain where the individual suppresses or represses the conscious awareness of the emotion. This trait manifests more often in men than in women. Hence, the name male normative alexithymia. All emotions are biologically necessary for humans and are essential for our survival. Yet, males in our masculine-dominated culture are taught not to show feelings that portray any vulnerability. Instead, they are taught to display gestures of domination, aggression, extreme competition, and emotional stoicism. This monkey suit of masculinity is the main factor in creating male normative alexithymia in men and contributes to physical and emotional health issues. Although men and male peer groups foist this philosophy onto boys, women as mothers may also contribute to what is seen as the estimable cultural norm. Often this manifest as guilt or shame in men/boys who find the performative nature of this expectation to be difficult if not impossible to comply with. Often this creates aggressive or violent behavior to outlet the suppressed emotions. Yet, somehow this is seen as an acceptable way to show emotion. Male normative alexithymia is directly connected to this shame. The End Result of the Inability of Male Expression of Emotions When does all of this begin for males? Males are socialized early in life to suppress certain emotions. This socialization begins in boyhood, perhaps as early as infancy. Male children are treated differently by parents who model or encourage certain emotional responses which they feel are appropriate by gender. As boys reach school age, peer groups continue the reinforcement of the norm throughout schooling. Participation in organized activities such as sports, Boy Scouts, or activities where male prowess is prized continues the indoctrination. Although, in recent years, more awareness has been placed on gender roles and how they are differentiated amongst individuals, the prevailing ideas of masculinity vis-à-vis emotions remain largely traditional. When the boy reaches adolescence, the pressure continues where peer pressure is greatest. The pressure to conform is the genesis of guilt and shame or showing tender emotion. Unfortunately, as noted above, the result often is a violent and aggressive release of these suppressed emotions. Indeed, not a healthy release. Our stoic warrior culture breeds this line of thinking. The toxic masculinity that most males are brought up in is also harmful to males. The seeds are planted early, but the dysfunction grows throughout life. This masculine norm is a slow-release poison, much like nicotine is to the smoker. It rots our capacity to express a fundamental human trait, the expression of emotions: including tenderness, kindness, compassion, and love. The natural conclusion often leads to violent aggression and behaviors condoned by the warrior mentality. The behavior leads to toxic behaviors toward those around the male, but also to self. This aggression can turn inwards and lead to self-destructive behaviors, addictions, or suicidal ideation. If that’s not toxic, I don’t know what is. Is masculinity the root cause? Masculinity is a socio-cultural construct. We make it up as we go along. It should be flexible and bend to the times or the greater need, but in our culture, it is rigid and inflexible. As a result, our definitions of male behavior are archaic and need to be updated. One suggestion is that we might consider a less gender-rigid model and move towards a more androgynous human model, where traditional feminine characteristics are allowed to blossom within the male psyche and vice versa. Perhaps, we should make masculine norms sublimate to human criteria, where emotions and emotional expression are encouraged and modeled for our young boys and men. But, again, is this a place where HSP men can lead? Are we closer to our emotional source and express ourselves more freely with our emotions because we are wired by nature to do so? The urge to be more emotional overrides the cultural expectations of suppression, something at times even HSPs struggle with. Lack of emotion is not healthy. Studies support this, and the alternatives men employ to cope with emotional distress ultimately lead to bad behaviors that fuel toxic masculinity. We must liberate our men by freeing their emotions, not suppressing them. Teaching how to regulate emotion, especially intense feeling, is necessary. Male normative alexithymia is not good for any male. Instead, teaching men to express healthy emotion – focusing on the emotion that gives light to life and showing them how to deal with negative emotions, such as shame, guilt, anger, and aggressiveness. This is the call to redefine what masculine means – the call to return to our humanity.
 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Self-esteem is the bridge to the world of self-confidence. Conversely, some may argue that high self-esteem is the predicate for arrogance or narcissism. There seem to be many interlocking or interlacing terms for what a healthy self-regard might be – self-love and self-confidence come to mind. And yes, there could be an argument for unhealthy self-esteem leading to narcissistic tendencies, but I believe self-esteem is simply how you see yourself in the world. I believe that, especially for HSPs, it is the ability for self-love. Most of us have heard negative feedback about our trait throughout our lives. This is largely due to a misunderstanding of the attribute. Wherein sensitivity is seen as a weak, frail personality downfall that often drives us to overwhelmed reactions and emotional overload. This pejorative feedback can fuel the negative thought patterns that lead to our low self-esteem. It is in our nature to be more contemplative, and we continually evaluate ourselves in lieu of how others see us. Unfortunately, we are also prone to internalizing this negativity and converting it into negative self-talk. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to increasing our self-esteem or self-valuation. It requires work and reframing our self-image, but it is doable. Consider some of these tips to help you get started in building up your self-esteem. And remember, nothing will change unless you act. Internal Work It all starts from within. One way you can take a baseline of where you are in life is to consider your personal values. These values can be your guideposts for evaluating how you are doing in life and will be the basis for your ongoing self-evaluation and integrity. The values important to you can be measured against how you are presently living your life. If there is a large degree of congruency, then you can consider yourself in alignment with what you value. Sometimes, we can compare others' expectations to our situation and devalue our life or lifestyle, notching down our self-esteem. Get clear on your value system and measure your life against what is important to you. This would be a good time to start questioning your internal negative dialogue. Some of the inner chatter will have origins in others' opinions, but some will come from you. The external inputs can be put aside, often from family, peers, or friends. These inputs may not be useful in the long term. Consider the source and rate how valid it seems to your present situation. It is often baggage dumped on you by others. The internal inputs are yours to own. You can change them at any time, with focus, awareness, and changing the script. Automated behaviors require a present minded focus to identify them. Once identified, they can be analyzed and revised. Your attention to them puts light on them, which gives you the power to reframe or delete them. Your comfort zone can be a safety net or a limiting prison. Examine if it's time to expand your C.Z. and push the boundaries of your experience. Creating more free-range life experiences may help build greater confidence as you tackle more of life. Sure, you will fall sometimes, but self-esteem will make you bouncier and more resilient, making it easier to take on life's challenges. Healing your soul of past wounds is important in moving on and growing. Tend to your garden, get rid of the deadwood and weeds, nourish what you want and need and discard the rest. Let yourself flourish; the bounty is within you. Define your boundaries clearly. You may need to defend them when necessary. Do not blindly accept attacks as facts from others. In the end, they are often conjecture and do not reflect you. Discard those that don't support you. See your failures as pathways to growth. Don't internalize the failure as a lack on your part. In learning, failure is not the point; the correction is. Learn to tell the distinction. People who accomplish much fail often. What makes them successful is they don't quit at failure. Face fears bravely. Each fear you conquer adds new mail to your armor. However, your confidence will grow, as will your self-esteem by slaying your dragons. Active Work I highly recommend reading inspirational material. Find authors that you admire and inspire you to action. By doing so, you feed your mind with positivity and hope. This suggestion may sound superficial, but I would also evaluate your outward appearance. It reflects your internal state. Does it suggest low self-esteem? Be honest with yourself; sometimes, we justify not taking care of our appearance to present a bohemian view of ourselves that masks low self-esteem. This is not about beauty or superficiality but rather about letting the internal out to be displayed in your external appearance. When you look into a mirror, ask yourself, who do I see? You may need to adjust to reflect the new you. It's important to continue to learn new things. Continue to grow, and don't worry about the learning curve. It will take care of itself. Armed with new knowledge, your self-esteem can flourish. Take inventory of what you've done and accomplished. It's a bigger list than you realize. Even if the accomplishments seem small, they are still worthy of respect. Keep adding to your list, knowing that you can do great things. External Work Now, this may seem radical but rid yourself of negative people and influences. Anything that doesn't edify you or make you feel better about yourself should be examined for discarding. What you take from others often becomes what you are. So, protect that border with vigilance. Reach out and help others. Doing benevolent acts of kindness will feed your soul and bolster your self-esteem. Exploit your skills and talents and put them to good use. As a result, your confidence will grow, and you will feel better about your situation in life. Speaking of your talents, do something creative and share it with the world. Then, let your darlings go and find their place in the external world. It is your gift to share and may be a blessing to someone you don't even know. Finally, don't worry about what others think. I mean this generally because it's almost impossible to be entirely oblivious to others' feedback. Pick and choose what you receive, especially from those in your inner circle. Be able to take constructive criticism with good intent and block the negative feedback that will demean you. You must filter this and get good at deciphering where the help is and where the malintent lives. In the end, self-growth will add naturally to your self-esteem and worth. Confidence comes with experience, learning, and life. Building a pyramid of self-appreciation sometimes takes a lifetime of work. Appreciate and celebrate your successes, knowing that life is full of ups and downs. Do the best you can – you need to find out what that is. You are a complete person, and a whole person is both good and bad at times, both successful and likely to fail. You will fail and rise again – your self-esteem can be your fuel. Good luck. Please comment with your thoughts.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
In the sixties and seventies, a slew of movies depicted the disaffected American male anti-hero - Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry or the High Plains Drifter, Charles Bronson in Death Wish, Tom Laughlin as Billy Jack, Sylvester Stallone as Rambo, to name a few. These idealized males were seen as lone enforcers and protectors unfettered by convention, the law, or society. They were motivated by righteous indignation seeking vengeance who would break the law to enforce it. The history of these anti-heroes goes back to the stories of Robin Hood and Don Quixote and goes back even further to classic Greek drama. What makes these characters enticing is that there generally is an inciting event, usually a death, murder, or some severe wrong perpetrated by the villain against the anti-hero or something seen as valuable to the protagonist, and the remainder of the story is the ruthless pursuit of justice by the anti-hero. Of course, we know that the anti-hero follows a path of moral ambiguity. Still,the emotion of vengeance is the justification for the punishment meted out by our hero. Whether the codification of males as protectors influenced these stories or a preexisting code always has existed that informed the stories is debatable. Nevertheless, this model of men as overprotectors, wielding violence and lawlessness to justify the ends, needs to be revisited. It may make for great drama, a two-hour festival of schadenfreude, but is this model a model for boys and men to aspire to? Is there anything wrong with men wanting to be protectors? No, not necessarily. It is instinctive to want to protect the people you love and who are under your care. Therefore, it is natural to invoke protector mode when circumstances warrant this behavior. However, vigilantism is another matter. Vigilantism is when someone breaks the law to pursue their own version of personal justice. Taking the law into your own hands to promote violence to seek vengeance is a form of dominance and forced submission. Creating your personal justice to quell a surge of emotional vindictiveness is just plain wrong and, when acted upon by men, gives the masculine instincts to protect a bad name. This attitude translates heavily into other areas, such as politics, religion, and even corporate retaliatory actions, often spurred by egoistic individuals. A world of wrong-headed emotionalism about a perceived wrong leads to irrational actions that can have terrible consequences for all parties involved. Movies may popularize this notion of rightful vigilantism, but nowhere does humane and just law support it. Instead, our continued worship of anti-heroes and superheroes seems to perpetuate the myth of male exceptionalism, which sometimes requires men to disregard the law and preserve some mythical higher truth or justice. It’s an embarrassing truth that many American men have adopted this attitude. It traced its roots to the Dark Ages when the medieval aristocratic gentry waged private wars and feuds to exact revenge above and beyond the law. This notion of authority outside of the law created antecedents to what we now term hegemonic masculinity. When protectiveness goes wrong. If you have viewed the movie heroes, I listed above, you will note that they take vengeance to another level. It’s not always tit for tat but sometimes goes toward righteous indignation, where the anti-hero is judge and jury meting out punishment often above and beyond the crime. This type of protectionism illustrates a kind of ownership and dominance that many men feel they must provide for their loved ones. It is often about power and control. For example, the exuberant father who escorts his daughter on her first date, spies on her date, or worse, threatens the young suiter if he broaches the deadline to have her home. This is not about acknowledging the underlying anger that may accompany a wrong but the controlled behavior needed to remain calm and civilized. Regardless of the perceived wrongdoing, it is not about an individual’s justice but law and order. For too long, we have worshipped the hero that determines the crime and the punishment, the vigilante as the maverick hero. What is a better model for protecting one’s interests? For one, you can stop assuming that everyone is out to get your loved ones or you. But, on the other hand, it is not blithely ignoring the reality of crime in our society either. With all things, a sense of balanced vigilance will suit the purpose. As a protector, your role is to define the boundaries which you will defend if necessary. Boundaries provide a sense of identity and trust, safety, and security. Your job is to protect, not to control. Therefore, consider a measured approach that does not exceed the law. Learning to control explosive emotions such as anger or rage is important. Emotional regulation is difficult when events seem threatening but remaining calm gives you an advantage even if you are called into an active posture. Not only over your assailant but over your instinctive emotions. Channel as much into legal remedies as possible. In an emergency situation where life and death decisions are needed, protecting oneself and loved ones is paramount. Be skilled in delivering that protection, don’t go beyond the law, and don’t always feel you are vindicated by invoking violence. Are anti-heroes a valid model for men? Why are they so popular in movies? The American mythos of the lone gunman, the maverick vigilante, the expedient dispenser of justice, the fearless warrior, mighty and strong, not asking for help from the law but taking it upon himself to exact revenge. The notion that there is a noble purpose in their vengeance, a special holy mission to provide payback and enact this in an efficient and unobstructed way, appeals to our cultural definition of the ideal male. Much of this cultural iconography comes from our romanticized views of the American West, where miles of lawless territory presided by distant circuit judges far away and the idea that swift popular justice superseded the law—allowed for vigilantism to permeate our mindset. The appeal is palpable. It’s an emotional roller coaster. First, shock at the perpetuating event, then riding the emotional high to action (fight mode), and then completion at defeating the enemy, nicely wrapped up in two hours of celluloid emotional payoff. The problem with this model, although perfect for movies, is that it often plays out in real life. We see it in politics, social media, sports, and now sadly and ironically, at the Academy Awards. This model is not about balance. And, it doesn’t work for most men. Now, I know that I had experienced anger and rage when one of my loved ones was threatened. But unfortunately, I didn’t find out until after the fact, too late to do anything. As an HSP male, I often wonder what emotions would play out for me under some of these circumstances. We all have hot buttons and can be moved to action by uncontrolled rage or anger. However, as HSP males, we need to learn to regulate our emotions to use emotional energy for constructive purposes. I doubt that HSP males would make good vigilantes, but can we make good role models for calm and controlled defensive action. We, like all men, must learn to control our rage, anger, and fears. Channel the emotional energy into finding justice under the law. We should and must protect, as would any parent, the family or loved ones, and those we care for without submitting to raging violence and vigilantism. Please comment with your thoughts. |
AuthorBill Allen currently lives in Bend, Oregon. He is a certified hypnotist and brain training coach , author and advocate for HSP Men. He believes that male sensitivity is not so rare, but it can be confounding for most males living in a culture of masculine insensitivity which teaches boys and men to disconnect from their feelings and emotions. His intent is to use this blog to chronicle his personal journey and share with others. 
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