 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Several years back, I remember a call for the government to form a department of peace. What surprised me was that this has occurred throughout the history of the United States, very often due to a recent war or during a military conflict. This movement started as far back as 1793 by Dr. Benjamin Rush, a founding father, and Quaker clergyman. Other notable attempts have been introduced by esteemed congresspeople such as Everett Dirksen (late 40s), Senator Vance Harke (late 60s), Dennis Kucinich in 2001, and most recently, Barbara Lee in 2013. In addition, many celebrities have attached their names to this movement, including Walter Cronkite, Marianne Williamson, Willie Nelson, Yoko Ono, and Joaquin Phoenix. Invariably, these initiatives don’t pass into law, likely because of a strong military-industrial complex lobby and a continuing jingoistic American public. Nevertheless, these attempts to at least study conflict and conflict resolution, teach peaceful negotiation, and learn via science ways to arbitrate disagreements would have great merit in a time where there are implacable schisms in almost every imaginable area – religious, political, social, business and any national discussion. It is frustrating to note that in an age that has produced AI, we don’t have the common sense to navigate our disagreements. The History of Peace Movements To study peace, it might be useful to define what the objective might be. What is peace? You might simply describe peace as a quality of a society, nation, group, or individual operating harmoniously. It could include a lack of hostility, safety and recognition, equality and fairness, and an absence of war or agitated conflict. This is not a static state of bliss but an active state of negotiation, compromise, and mutual respect. Our word peace has roots in the Hebrew Shalom, meaning safety, welfare, prosperity, security, good fortune, and friendliness. Over the years, various attempts in the US to create sustainable peace movements have often failed when presented to the government -even if the idea is wildly popular, as was the case in the early 2000s leading up to American involvement with Iraq, post 911. But then, despite the presence of 10 million marchers, the government was oblivious and marched on to war. Does that make the attempts at a peace movement futile? On the contrary, they serve as a balancing point to militarization and a counterweight to knee-jerk military action. In some ways, they can provide a bargaining chip to ensure some just peace is implemented, albeit post-conflict. Emerson and Thoreau were part of an earlier peace movement spurred by the Mexican-American War. Thoreau even wrote an essay on civil disobedience, which inspired both Tolstoy and Martin Luther King, Jr. Quakers, a religious group where peace is a foundational element to their belief systems, have played important roles in peace movement history in the US. Even the woman who wrote The Battle Hymn of the Republic, Julia Ward Howe, decried the use of war to settle disagreements and the loss of husbands, fathers, and sons to the destruction of war. William James, the father of American psychology, extolled the value of maintaining political unity and civic virtue without war or the threat of war. Yet, none of this was enough. Even with all of the notable figures supporting peace, America entered the twentieth century only to witness the bloodiest century in the history of humanity. Two world wars, countless regional and geo-political conflicts, and no sign that humans had evolved to such an extent as to prevent wars. We Need to Learn How to Do Conflict Resolution So what is missing? If you polled most people around the world, the vast majority would wish for a world where peace was the norm. So why can’t we get there? The desire is there, perhaps, even the will, but how do we do this? I question if there can be a world free of conflict, but at least we can have a world free of war. The solution is to find and promote powerful and effective conflict-resolution tools. What would help is a concerted cross-discipline scientific study on the elements of peace and the art of conflict resolution—evidence-based, practical tools for avoiding escalated conflict and ways to diffuse disputes that lead to war quickly. This will not be a magic formula but will build over time a body of knowledge that can serve as inputs to educational programs for schools, research material for perpetual studies on peace, and encourage something like a peace propaganda movement that extolls the virtues of peace and the sanctity of life. We must train our children and people to find inner peace. This can be done without religious attachments and kept objective with scientific validation. By socializing this ideology of peace first, over time, a generation of children will be taught the finer points of conflict resolution and how to maintain inner peace in the face of stress and distress. This will promote conflict studies, a foundation for propagating peace studies programs throughout universities and think tanks. This effort may take several generations of exposure to take root firmly. A Department of Peace (perhaps named differently) would be the focal point of all government efforts to promote conflict resolution and non-military solutions to conflict. In the interim, we would need to develop programs that would work with military leaders to quickly de-escalate armed conflicts and bring parties to the negotiation table. At some point in the future, even this could be eliminated. Is There Any Hope for This? All of this sounds great, but is it likely to happen? Considering the present conditions, we live in, with the great polarization within humanity, the enormous investment we have in the military, the influence of the military-industrial complex, and the glorification of war in popular media, this seems unlikely. But, unless we take significant steps towards a peaceful world, I fear humanity is in grave danger. Unfortunately, we often forget we are but one nuclear war away from the annihilation of humanity. This must change. We need to understand at a deep level what causes aggression. Is it fear, is it greed, or is it ego-based dynamics? What insecurity drives us to this insanity? How can we prevent conflict if we don’t understand the root of conflict and the subsequent emotional overreaction? We spend trillions of dollars on war, so why not earmark millions to study peace? Part of maintaining peace is finding ways of negotiation that do not produce zero-sum outcomes. Negotiation need not be about one side winning as the other loses. Instead, we have to develop objective negotiation methods that consider all sides. Producing compromised yet fair results mean going the extra mile to keep the peace. We must emphasize cooperation and not always make life a merciless competition. We work better if we cooperate because collaboration is about raising all ships. We need to focus through education and practice-- not just rhetoric, on encouraging a kinder, gentler world. The stakes are too high not to try. And remember, pacifism is not passivity. Resigning to the archaic notion that there are just wars and that they are inevitable is simply a self-fulfilling prophecy. We must reach a point for us to evolve to reject war and the disturbance of the peace. As John Lennon famously sang, “Give peace a chance.” A department of peace would be a good start.
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 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Well, it's the first of the year again. Many people start trotting out new year's resolutions at this time of year – new year, new you. Many folks, including many HSPs reach out to get help from coaches and therapists. Therapists are licensed health professionals who must undergo extensive training and education to become counselors. Coaching is a much newer profession and is not nearly as regulated as psychotherapy. The focus of this article is on the selection of a coach. The entire bar into the coaching profession is actually pretty low. This is not to say that there aren't many good and effective coaches out there. They may not have all the credentials you might hope for, but the impetus is on you, as the consumer, to vet them. Some coaches have great credentials – an accreditation from ICF or CoachU or programs certified by these bodies. However, life can be a great teacher, experience creates wisdom (sometimes), and this has to be considered as well, and there aren't any certifications for that. In sum, even with degrees and credentials that do not necessarily make the coach perfect for you, armed with this knowledge, you start on a sure footing. Coaching can be quite an investment in yourself; like any self-help activity, results are very seldom guaranteed. It can also be pricey. Admittedly, I have been somewhat skeptical of the coaching ideology since I first came in contact with it in the late 90s. I have in the past worked with both coaches and therapists and have had mixed results with both. The coaching field has evolved over the years, often bringing about hybrid coaches/therapists or coaches with more specialized coaching techniques that produce outstanding results. It's an evolving field and will, at some point, become regulated. My experiences could be somewhat biased, but I think it is very important for everyone to do their due diligence. With you doing your homework, you can feel better about investing sums of money in coaching. So let's look at some things you might want to look for. What is a life coach? The Basics A life coach is a type of professional that helps people achieve goals and objectives to gain greater life fulfillment. Coaches can help you clarify and quantify your goals and help with strategies to overcome obstacles using your talents and skills. There are many life coaches, from career, business, financial, health, spiritual, and of course, generic life coaching. For HSPs, there are now many individuals devoted to supporting HSPs in life decisions, most of whom are HSP themselves. One thing to remember is that a life coach is not a therapist. With that said, many therapists are now moving to the coaching field, so ex-therapists are now becoming life coaches. In my opinion, this gives those individuals a distinct advantage – they can recognize mental health issues vs. coaching issues and make that differentiation. They are also skilled in working with clients and have learned to listen to them and offer help. Hence, these hybrid coaches can wear different hats. But, many life coaches don't have that background. If you select a life coach with a therapist background, I suggest you discuss this with them before you begin the engagement. There may be local, state, or national rules about what services they can provide while wearing the coaching hat. One of the great benefits of using a life coach is to have an objective point of view, especially in areas where you are stuck. The coach's insights might make the difference in whether you progress through the obstacles or remain stuck in the mud. If you experience success with a coach, you can likely translate the investment you made with them into financial success, which justifies the cost. Having a more successful and satisfying life working with someone who sees your abilities and helps translate them into demonstrable and measurable goals is very rewarding. One of the greatest benefits of working with a life coach is accountability and having someone hold you responsible for the goals you set. This can be very motivating and may be the push you need to break through. There have been studies showing the effectiveness of coaching in reducing procrastination, improving self-efficacy, and showing improvement in organization settings for functional improvements. However, like many things in life, success is more likely if the right coach meets the right client and both are motivated. Coaching and HSPs Since many therapists out there still do not understand the HSP trait, nor have any training in supporting HSPs or discounting the trait, be even more cautious working with coaches. As stated earlier, many HSP coaches are out there now, many of whom have therapeutic backgrounds and are HSP themselves. And they can cover the same diverse coaching landscape that non-HSP coaches do. My advice is to focus on HSP coaches. I think you will find the experience is much more positive working with someone who understands you. Dr. Elaine Aron's website, www.hsperson.com, has a page devoted to HSP coaches. She only accepts those on the list certified by ICF and at a professional level. She offers a few caveats for selecting a potential coach, and I suggest you check this out. If you choose to use a coach, especially a non-HSP coach, because of their reputation or because they have a specific specialty that you need help with, make sure they understand your trait and use your intuition about whether to go forward. That's an individual decision based on your needs and how well you can work with someone who may misunderstand you or your trait. To be fair, there are many coaches out there that are non-HSP that can still be very effective for you. Educate them on your HSP characteristics. Tips and Cautions I would say the number one thing is to know what you want. What are your goals and objectives? Are they demonstrable and measurable? What are your time limits for achieving your goals? Are you focused, specific, or somewhat hazy and need help deciphering your goals? You are at a distinct advantage if you know what your goals are. You may not know how to get there, but at least you know the destination. Interview at least three coaches to determine their style and the rapport you have with them, and get your specific questions about them answered. Many coaches will give a free 20-30 minute interview to get you comfortable. If they don't offer this, then walk. I feel this interview is so important; it should not be bypassed because you must invest your money to vet them. Of course, I get the whole thing about monetizing every minute for a coach. Still, if you can't allow a potential client to interview you for a few minutes, I don't think I'd want to work with them, especially if you are going to invest a sizable amount of your money with them. Confirm their credentials. Ask them about certifications, experience, education, and client successes. Then, you can judge where you think they fit in with your needs. And manage your expectations. Coaches aren't miracle workers, so don't expect immediate results. This process requires patience, work, and diligence, most of it on your part. Make sure you and your coach have rapport. And finally, do a cost/benefit analysis to justify any high-cost fees. Some high fees are justified, but the benefit better damn well be there. And only you can determine that. Last Thought: I know many HSP coaches and am meeting more as I continue down this path. They are all excellent people and thoughtful and purposeful coaches. Yes, it is indeed a wide-open field, but with some diligence on your part and knowing what you want, I think you can find a good coach to help you with whatever needs you have. Good luck with your search.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
Male culture, especially in the West, emphasizes that the larger, bigger, and more muscular a man is, the more masculine he becomes. This emulation is exhibited with our sports heroes, such as football players, basketball players, boxers, wrestlers, weightlifters, and many other male athletes, male models, and actors. This desire for bigger and stronger men often leads young men and boys to attempt to measure up and obtain that same athletic build and mass. In and of itself, it is not necessarily bad in moderation, but problems ensue when it becomes an obsession. When this aspiration becomes a compulsion, we have fertile ground for complications and potential physical and mental health troubles. The Obsession with Big The emphasis with men about physicality traces its roots to more primitive times when muscular men often meant the difference between bagging big game or protecting against predators or interlopers. Like most large apes, humans often mimic the posturing that large apes use to set up parameters for dominance. In this case, usually, size does matter. In this sense, we have evolved little from our ancestors in prioritizing males' size. This rule of thumb applies to everything from body mass, muscle size, height, weight, and, of course, penis size. We have "Texas-ized" the entire male anatomy for bigness. All of these physical parameters suggest some form of dominance. We have trans-morphed this ideal to represent masculine desirability and have, in some ways, created this cult of bigness. Where this goes wrong. Whereas women often emphasize smallness or thinness, men have classically focused on being large and threatening. This can often lead men to OCD behaviors. One of them is body dysmorphic disorder or BDD, a mental disorder that leads an individual to believe there is a serious flaw in some aspect of their body. A subset of this disorder, muscle dysmorphia, is where the individual, primarily men, believes that their muscles are too small or underdeveloped. This thinking can occur even when the individual has well-defined and developed musculature. Causes range from genetics to introversion, perfectionism, heightened aesthetic sensitivity, and early childhood abuse. And now, with the advent of social media – social pressures mount related to comparison to others in the news. Although numbers indicate that a small number of individuals reach the obsessive stage (< 3.0% of the population), it is also a cultural phenomenon wherein men feel less masculine with less-than-desirable bodies. Hence, the proliferation of gyms and weightlifting equipment. This fanatic devotion to body size leads many men to experience personal rejection sensitivity, or as its sounds, a fear of being rejected or negatively evaluated by others. The emphasis on body size can begin early with males as young as six. Research shows that up to 95% of college-age men have some degree of body dissatisfaction. This cultural obsession with muscularity leads many men to develop some form of muscle dysphoria. This compares numerically with the incidence of anorexia nervosa in women. Always struggling for an idealized body image, made possible through media, advertising, and idealized cultural norms. A study from the International Journal of Men's Health found that male college students prioritized appearance evaluation and accounted for 20 percent of participants' psychological self-acceptance. Furthermore, body image correlates positively with the perception of male dominance and environmental self-mastery. In addition, the study cited an increase in steroid and supplement use for increased body size related to weight preoccupation and body dissatisfaction. Again, the strong adherence to traditional masculine norms is related to higher levels of body dissatisfaction. This image evoked from traditional masculinity suggests the ideals of power, control, strength, independence, and dominance in defining manhood and is indicated in body image. The study concluded that our society's continued emphasis on male and female ideals based on restrictive body images had become markers of male and female status. The downside of all this is a culture that ignores the variety of body types, the potential richness of male experience outside of body type, and the development of an anchored, well-developed identity. Where masculinity goes wrong. Many have coined the phrase "bigorexia" to supplant reverse anorexia. But, unfortunately, the upshot for many men is that no matter what they do to bulk up, it is never enough. Hence, even with countless hours in the gym, ingesting dangerous drugs, and questionable supplements, they can not fulfill a never-satisfied goal of being manly enough. Growing up in the sixties, I remember the ads for Charles Atlas in the comic books, promising to make a 90-pound weakling into a muscular beast, fit to protect any damsel in distress, kick-ass, or at least sand on any beach in America. And, of course, expectations are set young in life. I mean, what young man wouldn't want to look like a stud on the beach, by the pool, or anywhere he shows off his "guns." You see, our definition of masculinity is based on never enough. Never enough muscles, never enough courage, never enough body mass, never enough strength. You see, no one can ever be enough to be man enough. The masculine promise of the dominance of control or being the baddest mofo on the block is based on never enough. It's never about creativity, emotion, giving, being cerebral, or just being a decent human being. This. my friends, is toxic masculinity at its worst. And we have all bought into it at some point. In the end, based on this definition, no man will ever be enough. It's time to throw the yoke off and let men evolve into the fine humans they are, regardless of their body shape. Embrace the diversity within the male gender, body size, brain capacity, well-developed feelings, and the capacity to cooperate and love. We need to leave that old shit behind, give it back to the caveman and banish it to the annals of time. My Observations I was always a tall, skinny kid. I grew upward faster than I could add weight. I wish that were true now. Those old Charles Atlas ads painted my internal image of myself – the image that didn't match the ad. Unfortunately, I was never manly enough according to those ideals. I lifted weights, drank protein drinks, and ate until I couldn't hold any more food, but to no avail. I remained the skinny, tall kid. Later in life, I would add weight and fill in, but by then, it didn't matter anymore. I don't think it's wrong to work out to build muscle, add strength, or be more fit. But that's not what this article is about. Some of us will never be the idealized, muscular athletes we see on television sporting events. That needs to be okay. Likewise, we need not idealize big over smart, dominance over kindness, or competitiveness over cooperation. Being masculine isn't about big. It's about being human in male form and expressed in the infinite variety of the human genome. What do you think?
 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
As we age, we change. That is a fact of life. Aging brings about a change in perceptions, physiology, and personalities. But, unfortunately, there is a price to pay for our wisdom and accumulated experience. Wear and tear on our bodies; that's the human way. HSPs are no different. Our bodies age like everyone else, with the attendant changes and erosion of long-held capabilities. But do we, as highly sensitive people, have changes in our sensitivity as we grow older? That question was looked at in a 2019 study from Japan. Does high sensitivity change with age? A single study. The study suggested that several personality traits on the Big Five Personality test change as we age. Those traits, openness, and neuroticism, appear to change inversely in older adults, with openness growing and neuroticism declining as people age. The study's authors correlated three HSP traits: 1) low sensory threshold, 2) ease of excitation, and 3) aesthetic sensitivity (deemed spirituality in the study) to the Big Five traits noted above. In addition, it was stated in previous studies that openness tends to increase with age and that neuroticism declines with age. In the HSP study, the attributes of low sensory threshold and ease of excitation were correlated with the personality trait of neuroticism. In addition, the HSP attribute of aesthetic sensitivity was associated with openness. The authors hypothesized that the HSP traits would follow the aging patterns seen in the Big Five traits. The study's conclusion bore out the hypothesis and suggested that some of the HSP traits decline or increase depending upon the attribute as we age. Why this makes sense. Because we lose sensory processing ability as we age, this makes sense. Those traits that correlate with sensory inputs would understandably lose ability with aging due to diminished capacity in older individuals. The HSP cycle of perception often begins with the processing of sensory data; if that capacity is declining, then naturally, our excitation and the low sensory threshold would be impacted. The study seems to confirm that they both appear to decline with age. Conversely, the aesthetic sensitivity trait increased with age, corresponding to the findings about openness linearly increased with age in previous studies. Aesthetic sensitivity is a higher-order emotional processing trait, as is spirituality, which is typically internally processed and seems to mature with age. With added experience, you might conclude that this internal processing would be enhanced with increased age. That makes sense. The conclusion suggests these attributes may change over time (aging) based on the task and the environment. These may affect the outcomes and make generalizing the conclusion more problematic. More study is needed. The Study The study surveyed approximately 1900 Japanese adults measured across three dimensions of sensory processing sensitivity noted, and participants were of a wide range of ages. Although this is a single study, it's worth noting. The authors suggested that improvements to future studies could include longitudinal studies, increasing the number of aspects studied, and doing more cross-cultural studies to factor out cultural biases. My Observations I have often wondered if personality doesn't change over time, with the increased experience and effects from environmental factors. This would include SPS. One question for the HSP study is whether high sensitivity diminishes over time or becomes ameliorated with experience and life adjustments. I know in my own experience, as I age, it seems that I have mellowed on some of the more extreme emotions/reactions that would have been more pronounced and visible at an early age. However, I am not suggesting that the trait completely changes. No, I believe it stays as constant as anything can with the passage of time. Still, we need more studies to support the idea that the core attributes remain with us throughout our lives but may gain or decline based on physical aging, how we learn to cope with some of the challenges HSPs face, and how we develop strategies to thrive. What do you think?  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
If you've ever lived anywhere in a temperate to tropical climate, you've likely heard the loud mating calls of the insect Cicadidae, more popularly known as Cicadas. These winged insects emerge annually or, in the case of the Magicicada, every thirteen to seventeen years to mate, make a big splash with loud mating calls, and then die. The eggs they produce give way to burying nymphs which become the next generation, waiting patiently underground until the next cycle begins. I mention this locust-like insect not so much because those qualities remind me of HSPs, but rather their predictable emergence from what would seem like a long slumber to return to fulfill an evolutionary purpose. However, the reality is that they never left but were submerged to seem oblivious to the outside world, only to return at the right interval—the right time. Perhaps, this is a stretch, but the Cicada effect, as I'm describing, is when an animate species seemingly asleep reemerges for a short, pointed mission, then blends back into the earth, waiting on the next right time. So, strangely, HSPs could be emerging now, during a time in human history, to perform a needed function. Less obnoxious and less noisy than Cicadas but more important to the evolution of our species. And, although we don't literally fall asleep, we can often seem dormant until we have our cautionary role kicks in. What role do HSPs play? A question that many HSPs ask is, what role do we play for humanity? Dr. Elaine Aron alludes to the idea that nature has created a small part of the human population – us, to provide thoughtful, cautious inputs into decision-making where we perform roles as wise counselors or as a priestly function. Our deep-thinking natures, natural nurturing, and empathetic tendencies make us ideal advisors to the warriors and kings and counselors to the general population. The world is turning at an ever-faster pace, and decisions seem less thoughtful and less insightful by our leaders and decision-makers. There seems to be less effort to think long-term, consider consequences, and not seek parity or equity in decisions. HSPs could make a difference here. But to be recognized, we need to recognize these qualities in ourselves. We need to own our traits and employ them in our interactions with others, especially those in leadership positions. The world could use our insights, especially right now. When HSPs awaken? I see this happening every day. More and more people are emerging to the reality that they are HSPs. There's that Eureka! Moment and then the long pause for, now what? What do I do with this trait? By the latest estimates, there are over two billion HSPs in the world. Although we don't represent a large proportion of the human population, it is not an insignificant number. And even within the HSP population, I don't believe the entire community needs to mobilize. Critical mass could be as simple as a small percentage of HSPs awakening to this purpose. However, as more HSPs become aware of the trait, the greater the possibility for influencing change. And as more and more HSPs "come online," we need to be spreading the message that they also have an evolutionary purpose in addition to their individual life missions. Depending upon the individual, this purpose may be relatively small or large, but the days of apologizing for being highly sensitive are long past. The days of masking the trait are over. We are sensitive for a reason, and now is the time to acknowledge that. This awakening could take a lot of different forms, perhaps, in many ways, unimagined. Maybe, as younger HSPs, those in the millennial or GenZ generations, come to terms with their trait, things will begin to evolve as to correct and proper action. Unlike myself, younger HSPs have a lifetime ahead to assimilate the trait into their lives, which makes a big difference. These younger generations will be "turned on" to this insight earlier in life and can utilize it to organize and affect generational changes. They can and will impact decisions. I see that happening now, not only with HSPs but with those who don't share the trait. The upcoming generations are already aware of needed changes and are savvy enough to demand them. HSPs can and should be in this mix. I do feel the awakening happening. It is a conscious awareness of wrongs done, necessary changes, and plans to be enacted. Yeah, it might also be a spiritual awakening, as many claim, but it is a clarion call to change. Surely underneath, with feet to the ground, the sound of change is coming. And HSPs will be a big part of that. Arising like Cicadas, coming to make some noise in our HSP way.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High-Sensing Male
I have often spoken of the evils of hegemonic masculinity. Unfortunately, this corrupted form of masculinity is a real thing. Still, it only describes the results of its leading characteristics: unbridled greed, the willingness to exploit and subjugate the helpless or repressed populations, and the almost obsessive accumulation of wealth and power. Hegemonic masculinity describes the outward manifestation of a disease, the traits, and those most likely to promote its spread, but it doesn't explain the causes or the condition. Indigenous people have a word for this disease – Wetiko or Wendigo. It comes from an Algonquin word meaning a malevolent spirit or creature with an insatiable appetite for greed and self-aggrandizement. It is often associated with cannibalism in indigenous lore—a very fitting descriptor for hegemonic masculinity. It seems a perfect description of the incessant pursuit of wealth and exploitation of resources and people we have witnessed for thousands of years across the planet. Most notably the conquest of the Americas by Europeans. This conquest set the cornerstone for this disease in the New World and cemented into global consciousness that greed was good. Capitalism runs amok. What is Wetiko? Wetiko is more than just a mythological creature or spirit; it now is a fitting description of a psycho-social disease that pervades our planet. It has been likened by Paul Levy, author of Wetiko: Healing the Mind-Virus that Plagues Our World, as a virus of the mind and soul, an appropriate contemporary metaphor for the disease. Levy sees this affliction as a dark aspect of human nature marked by domination, subjugation, and exploitation, much like we see in the description of hegemonic masculinity. But, unlike hegemonic masculinity, Wetiko affects more than just wealthy white men. Instead, it is pervasive across cultures around the planet, a rush to grab all that can be taken and exploited for wealth accumulation by a few. Capitalism as we know it has devolved into a Wetiko-like virus that engulfs the minds of many. Regardless of social standing or wealth, the lure or prospect of wealth obsessively drives common people into self-defeating support of leaders who promote the message of profit over people or the planet. The attachment to power lures them to support this self-destructive behavior, and although they have little hope of gaining wealth and power, they dutifully abdicate their only source of power – their vote. They become, in essence, a willing host to perpetuate the virus. This disease has been with us since the dawn of the agricultural age. When production outpaced need and wealth accumulation began in earnest, many became willing hosts to the virus. The addiction to wealth and power spread, well, like a virus. The Concept of Thought Forms and Memes and Antecedents in Biology The idea of a mind virus isn't farfetched in today's world, where real world viruses ravish human populations and alter behavior patterns. After all, we have computer viruses that mimic the work of biological viruses; why not mind viruses? The concept has its roots in ancient religion from Buddhism, Taoism, and Sufism; the ideas of thought forms that stand on their own in physical reality and the idea of shared collective consciousness, along with the interconnectedness of all things, makes a fertile ground for this notion to root. In a more contemporary framework, the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung describes the collective unconscious as a repository of shared memories and archetypes. It is not much of a stretch to envision mind viruses, like memes, embedded into our consciousness via modern communication supporting themselves off the host and perpetuating across the species as a collective truth, regardless of any objective reality. Like Wetiko, it spreads from host to host, possessing the infected soul with a drive or obsession for greed and a cannibalistic view of all material around the host as something to be consumed. It's gluttony and greed that aids in perpetuating the virus, much at the expense of the unwitting host. The most obvious analogy is to cancer, programmed to proliferate, gobbling up all living matter and eventually killing the host. Ironically, as it takes the host, it produces a coldness within the victim's heart, where heartlessness encourages the desire for more. The Prime Directive for all DNA-based life forms is always to replicate and reproduce. The disease, modern Capitalism, is only satiated when it creates more capital at whatever cost to the environment, people, or the future. In its severe corruption, which is to maximize wealth and self-interest, there is an inherent belief that there is some invisible hand called the marketplace that will keep things in balance, as each participant is blindly pursuing their self-interest. This is the great deception, the veil that hides the virtual protein spike of the virus. Can we defeat the Wetiko? Because of the insidious nature of the mind virus and how cleverly it blinds the victim to its presence, the only antidote is conscious self-awareness. Carl Jung warned of a massive self-delusion turning our powerful creative capacity into self-destruction of the species. At a worldwide scale, the infection is massive. Despite continuous warnings from nature and the "prophets," the world seems to be marching headlong into an extinction event. What other explanation would explain the lemming-like way we are destroying our planet and ourselves through pollution, war, and massive economic inequality? It is a form of collective madness that, if we don't snap out of it soon, we have a dark future ahead, if we have one at all. We need, as HSPs and as humans, to promote the conscious self-awareness mentioned above. I'm not saying that HSPs are different or have special protection against Wetiko. Still, I do believe we share an empathetic awareness of what is happening in the world today. We could be the leaders or at least the messengers or catalysts to create awareness before it's too late. Write, protest, organize, get active and educate yourself and others. Unfortunately, there is only so much time.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Have you ever felt disconnected from your emotions so that you couldn’t find the words to express them clearly? Perhaps, you learned early in life that certain emotions were not to be expressed by men or boys. As a result, you learned to suppress those emotions under penalty of punishment or shame. So what happened to the feeling? Did it disappear or go away? Not hardly, you may have suppressed it, but the energy lingered within you -festering and eating at you, but you couldn’t talk about it for fear of appearing to be less than a man. A term for that in psychology was coined by psychologists John Case Nemiah and Peter Sifneos – male normative alexithymia. It is a personality function that, although not clinically defined as a disorder, does make it seem dysfunctional in the individual experiencing it. Male normative alexithymia borrows the term from a personality trait known as alexithymia, which we will discuss briefly. In Western society, men are not often allowed to express difficult emotions that appear to expose a vulnerability, such as sadness, deep compassion, overt fear, or tenderness. Men are shamed or guilted if they express these emotions openly. In this context, the suppression of feelings is known as male normative alexithymia. It is a culturally assigned emotional regulation requirement that men are placed under to bolster their standing as strong, masculine men. It is pervasive in our male-dominated, hyper-masculine culture. For this article, we will focus on the impacts of male normative alexithymia and how we might change masculinity requirements to reflect a healthier relationship between men and their natural human emotions. What is Alexithymia? First, let’s describe alexithymia, the personality trait. Although not classified in the D.S.M. as a disorder, it certainly manifests as dysfunction and may vary in intensity depending on the individual. Alexithymia comes from the Greek literally meaning “no words for emotions.” Typically, there are four components of alexithymia: 1) difficulty identifying feelings, 2) difficulty describing feelings to others, 3) a stimulus-bound, externally oriented thinking style, and 4) constricted imaginal processes. In addition, alexithymia serves as a temporary defense against emotional pain where the individual suppresses or represses the conscious awareness of the emotion. This trait manifests more often in men than in women. Hence, the name male normative alexithymia. All emotions are biologically necessary for humans and are essential for our survival. Yet, males in our masculine-dominated culture are taught not to show feelings that portray any vulnerability. Instead, they are taught to display gestures of domination, aggression, extreme competition, and emotional stoicism. This monkey suit of masculinity is the main factor in creating male normative alexithymia in men and contributes to physical and emotional health issues. Although men and male peer groups foist this philosophy onto boys, women as mothers may also contribute to what is seen as the estimable cultural norm. Often this manifest as guilt or shame in men/boys who find the performative nature of this expectation to be difficult if not impossible to comply with. Often this creates aggressive or violent behavior to outlet the suppressed emotions. Yet, somehow this is seen as an acceptable way to show emotion. Male normative alexithymia is directly connected to this shame. The End Result of the Inability of Male Expression of Emotions When does all of this begin for males? Males are socialized early in life to suppress certain emotions. This socialization begins in boyhood, perhaps as early as infancy. Male children are treated differently by parents who model or encourage certain emotional responses which they feel are appropriate by gender. As boys reach school age, peer groups continue the reinforcement of the norm throughout schooling. Participation in organized activities such as sports, Boy Scouts, or activities where male prowess is prized continues the indoctrination. Although, in recent years, more awareness has been placed on gender roles and how they are differentiated amongst individuals, the prevailing ideas of masculinity vis-à-vis emotions remain largely traditional. When the boy reaches adolescence, the pressure continues where peer pressure is greatest. The pressure to conform is the genesis of guilt and shame or showing tender emotion. Unfortunately, as noted above, the result often is a violent and aggressive release of these suppressed emotions. Indeed, not a healthy release. Our stoic warrior culture breeds this line of thinking. The toxic masculinity that most males are brought up in is also harmful to males. The seeds are planted early, but the dysfunction grows throughout life. This masculine norm is a slow-release poison, much like nicotine is to the smoker. It rots our capacity to express a fundamental human trait, the expression of emotions: including tenderness, kindness, compassion, and love. The natural conclusion often leads to violent aggression and behaviors condoned by the warrior mentality. The behavior leads to toxic behaviors toward those around the male, but also to self. This aggression can turn inwards and lead to self-destructive behaviors, addictions, or suicidal ideation. If that’s not toxic, I don’t know what is. Is masculinity the root cause? Masculinity is a socio-cultural construct. We make it up as we go along. It should be flexible and bend to the times or the greater need, but in our culture, it is rigid and inflexible. As a result, our definitions of male behavior are archaic and need to be updated. One suggestion is that we might consider a less gender-rigid model and move towards a more androgynous human model, where traditional feminine characteristics are allowed to blossom within the male psyche and vice versa. Perhaps, we should make masculine norms sublimate to human criteria, where emotions and emotional expression are encouraged and modeled for our young boys and men. But, again, is this a place where HSP men can lead? Are we closer to our emotional source and express ourselves more freely with our emotions because we are wired by nature to do so? The urge to be more emotional overrides the cultural expectations of suppression, something at times even HSPs struggle with. Lack of emotion is not healthy. Studies support this, and the alternatives men employ to cope with emotional distress ultimately lead to bad behaviors that fuel toxic masculinity. We must liberate our men by freeing their emotions, not suppressing them. Teaching how to regulate emotion, especially intense feeling, is necessary. Male normative alexithymia is not good for any male. Instead, teaching men to express healthy emotion – focusing on the emotion that gives light to life and showing them how to deal with negative emotions, such as shame, guilt, anger, and aggressiveness. This is the call to redefine what masculine means – the call to return to our humanity.
 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Have you ever asked yourself, what is good enough? Anytime you start a task, what level of achievement do you expect? Do you have a benchmark for good enough? Is the amount of effort that matters to you, or is it the outcome? Is success an absolute for you? Many HSPs are hung up on perfectionism. At times, I can be fanatical about achieving a goal or completing a task and being perfect. Unfortunately, there are many reasons why this is the case for some of us – from people pleasing, low self-esteem, or simply a programmed obsession with being perfect. There appears to be a misguided notion that anything worth doing is worth doing perfectly, and if you’re not going to do it perfectly – why do it? But is perfection even possible? Isn’t this an impossible belief, a form of absolutism? A striving for excellence can only mean surpassing mere good enough or even your best effort to attain absolute perfection. It is a lofty aspiration. What can we say about the belief that there is a universal truth that only perfection is acceptable? First, let’s look at this a bit closer. Striving for Excellence As a primary mission, there is no fault in striving for excellence in any task or endeavor. Setting a goal and striving to achieve that goal, in my opinion, is a noble goal. But, like many life journeys, the road is full of potholes and detours. Our original goal need not be rigid, with one path, but should reflect and adjust to the many deviations that life throws us. In fact, rigidity is the enemy of perfection. Perfectionism is a corruption of excellence in that it embraces rigidity and makes the goal almost unachievable. Rather than striving for excellence, we offer our best effort to any task, expecting alterations and changes in the route. This allows for a level of tolerance that is not perfect but still allows a completion close enough to our original goal that rewards our best effort. Striving for excellence is how we perform our tasks. Making corrections and improvements along the way, like guided missiles, we ultimately make subtle, sometimes drastic changes to reach our destination. This proposition requires the appreciation and adoption of good enough at times. Not much of a severe compromise if it gets us to our goal. The Perils of Perfectionism Perfectionism is like a disease that eats away at any effort and requires an impossible and absolute execution far exceeding normal human capabilities. The fear of perfectionism, or the withdrawal from an attempt due to anxiety that a task will not be executed perfectly, often keeps us from trying challenging tasks. Moreover, because of an absolutist expectation of perfection, we prejudge ourselves out of competition for fear that we can reach the elusive, not impossible, prize. Perfectionism can serve as a convenient excuse not to like ourselves. For inherently, we all know that we are not perfect. And, failing to attain perfection, we reinforce an unrealistic notion that we are not good enough. Perhaps, it comes through us as an attempt to please others, i.e., “if I am perfect, people will love me.” What a lousy bargaining chip for garnering love and acceptance. The stress on the self to achieve an uncommon perfection level can be debilitating for some. There is no room for ‘good enough’ in their lexicon. Yet, what is good enough? The Ideal Quest for Enough First, we must eliminate the idealization of perfection and toss the idea that we can be perfect in all we do. The good enough mentality sometimes is the only way to accomplish a goal. This especially is true for first-time efforts and trying out new, unproven tasks. Accomplishments come easy to some, more difficult for others. Secondly, find where the task or goal fits your values and priorities. Then, measure your success against those values and nothing else. Perhaps, just getting the job done is achievement enough. That’s what we call good enough. Thirdly, don’t sell good enough down the drain as a mediocre or lackluster performance or, as they say, an “also ran” effort. Sometimes good enough is GOOD ENOUGH—everything we do need not be a record-breaking world performance. Often what we see as perfection is an undetected series of good enough efforts to craft a fine point on something that is merely good enough. In effect, the polish on the silverware makes something ordinary look sparkly and perfect. Lastly, we must learn to accept that we are not perfect in everything we do. Therefore, we give the goal and task our best efforts, fueled by passion and values rather than driven by some abstraction of idealized perfectionism. A Happy Medium Don’t get me wrong; I think striving for excellence is a good goal. It lifts our work from simply passable to something more indicative of our skill sets and talents. However, we should always do our best for nothing more than our personal integrity. But, let go of absolutism. There is likely no absolute truth, wisdom, perfection, or knowledge that is not subject to criticism or improvement. For the most part, I think life is a series of successive approximations of truth. We are constantly correcting, allowing us to flow with the changes. Rigidity is the great destroyer of life. Perfectionism is a formulaic rigidity that stifles and is anti-growth. Finding your “good enough” is about seeking a comfortable level of truth about your abilities, skills, etc., and how they can be used in the world. Letting perfectionism inhibit your willingness to fail and learn is a recipe for a frustrated and stilted life. Good enough is not necessarily about resignation but agreement within yourself that you have worked something long enough and it’s time (good enough) to let it go into the world. As an author, I have tried to write, rewrite and restructure books, written pieces, and articles to get them to their best. Then at some point, I let it go and release it as it is, knowing that it is not perfect. However, I have found that most people are not looking to read perfection but will be happy with a good enough read that has meaning and significance to them. So, look for your good enough. Sometimes it’s a feeling, sometimes an objective optic that tells you that you have arrived at your place of completion. Don’t let perfectionism stop you, and recognize that you are good enough, just as you are. Rest in that. Please comment with your thoughts.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Self-esteem is the bridge to the world of self-confidence. Conversely, some may argue that high self-esteem is the predicate for arrogance or narcissism. There seem to be many interlocking or interlacing terms for what a healthy self-regard might be – self-love and self-confidence come to mind. And yes, there could be an argument for unhealthy self-esteem leading to narcissistic tendencies, but I believe self-esteem is simply how you see yourself in the world. I believe that, especially for HSPs, it is the ability for self-love. Most of us have heard negative feedback about our trait throughout our lives. This is largely due to a misunderstanding of the attribute. Wherein sensitivity is seen as a weak, frail personality downfall that often drives us to overwhelmed reactions and emotional overload. This pejorative feedback can fuel the negative thought patterns that lead to our low self-esteem. It is in our nature to be more contemplative, and we continually evaluate ourselves in lieu of how others see us. Unfortunately, we are also prone to internalizing this negativity and converting it into negative self-talk. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to increasing our self-esteem or self-valuation. It requires work and reframing our self-image, but it is doable. Consider some of these tips to help you get started in building up your self-esteem. And remember, nothing will change unless you act. Internal Work It all starts from within. One way you can take a baseline of where you are in life is to consider your personal values. These values can be your guideposts for evaluating how you are doing in life and will be the basis for your ongoing self-evaluation and integrity. The values important to you can be measured against how you are presently living your life. If there is a large degree of congruency, then you can consider yourself in alignment with what you value. Sometimes, we can compare others' expectations to our situation and devalue our life or lifestyle, notching down our self-esteem. Get clear on your value system and measure your life against what is important to you. This would be a good time to start questioning your internal negative dialogue. Some of the inner chatter will have origins in others' opinions, but some will come from you. The external inputs can be put aside, often from family, peers, or friends. These inputs may not be useful in the long term. Consider the source and rate how valid it seems to your present situation. It is often baggage dumped on you by others. The internal inputs are yours to own. You can change them at any time, with focus, awareness, and changing the script. Automated behaviors require a present minded focus to identify them. Once identified, they can be analyzed and revised. Your attention to them puts light on them, which gives you the power to reframe or delete them. Your comfort zone can be a safety net or a limiting prison. Examine if it's time to expand your C.Z. and push the boundaries of your experience. Creating more free-range life experiences may help build greater confidence as you tackle more of life. Sure, you will fall sometimes, but self-esteem will make you bouncier and more resilient, making it easier to take on life's challenges. Healing your soul of past wounds is important in moving on and growing. Tend to your garden, get rid of the deadwood and weeds, nourish what you want and need and discard the rest. Let yourself flourish; the bounty is within you. Define your boundaries clearly. You may need to defend them when necessary. Do not blindly accept attacks as facts from others. In the end, they are often conjecture and do not reflect you. Discard those that don't support you. See your failures as pathways to growth. Don't internalize the failure as a lack on your part. In learning, failure is not the point; the correction is. Learn to tell the distinction. People who accomplish much fail often. What makes them successful is they don't quit at failure. Face fears bravely. Each fear you conquer adds new mail to your armor. However, your confidence will grow, as will your self-esteem by slaying your dragons. Active Work I highly recommend reading inspirational material. Find authors that you admire and inspire you to action. By doing so, you feed your mind with positivity and hope. This suggestion may sound superficial, but I would also evaluate your outward appearance. It reflects your internal state. Does it suggest low self-esteem? Be honest with yourself; sometimes, we justify not taking care of our appearance to present a bohemian view of ourselves that masks low self-esteem. This is not about beauty or superficiality but rather about letting the internal out to be displayed in your external appearance. When you look into a mirror, ask yourself, who do I see? You may need to adjust to reflect the new you. It's important to continue to learn new things. Continue to grow, and don't worry about the learning curve. It will take care of itself. Armed with new knowledge, your self-esteem can flourish. Take inventory of what you've done and accomplished. It's a bigger list than you realize. Even if the accomplishments seem small, they are still worthy of respect. Keep adding to your list, knowing that you can do great things. External Work Now, this may seem radical but rid yourself of negative people and influences. Anything that doesn't edify you or make you feel better about yourself should be examined for discarding. What you take from others often becomes what you are. So, protect that border with vigilance. Reach out and help others. Doing benevolent acts of kindness will feed your soul and bolster your self-esteem. Exploit your skills and talents and put them to good use. As a result, your confidence will grow, and you will feel better about your situation in life. Speaking of your talents, do something creative and share it with the world. Then, let your darlings go and find their place in the external world. It is your gift to share and may be a blessing to someone you don't even know. Finally, don't worry about what others think. I mean this generally because it's almost impossible to be entirely oblivious to others' feedback. Pick and choose what you receive, especially from those in your inner circle. Be able to take constructive criticism with good intent and block the negative feedback that will demean you. You must filter this and get good at deciphering where the help is and where the malintent lives. In the end, self-growth will add naturally to your self-esteem and worth. Confidence comes with experience, learning, and life. Building a pyramid of self-appreciation sometimes takes a lifetime of work. Appreciate and celebrate your successes, knowing that life is full of ups and downs. Do the best you can – you need to find out what that is. You are a complete person, and a whole person is both good and bad at times, both successful and likely to fail. You will fail and rise again – your self-esteem can be your fuel. Good luck. Please comment with your thoughts.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Like many youngsters, when I was growing up, it was important to find out where in the world I fit in. Being a highly sensitive male did not make matters easier. Like so many boys, I was socialized to conform to the traditional masculine role model, and as hard as I tried, it was often not easy for me. However, I grew up when non-conformity was popular among young people, so I believe I caught a break with the changes of those times. As I have gotten older and arguably wiser, I now realize the importance of finding our place in the world. As an HSP, I find, like many HSPs, that meaning and purpose in our lives are critical for happiness. I often write about this in my blogs and books because I think it is a universal struggle with many highly sensitive people. It’s important to recognize that it’s not just about how you fit in as an individual; it’s also important to acknowledge the perhaps trickier aspects of fitting in as an HSP. We are in no small measure different from most of the less sensitive people we share the planet with. Finding acceptance for our traits can be challenging and frustrating. HSP characteristics will shape how you find your niches and where you will find them. Our need for critical environmental conditions influences our life decisions and reflects our strong desire for peace and harmony. Our requirements for downtime and rest will dictate time schedules, work environments, and even how our home is designed to accommodate those needs. With that said, fitting in our space, your niche is more than just a type of work, home life, and social and environmental connections – it’s life. Our life. This deserves serious consideration for all HSPs. Finding your unique niche – vocation as a driver I’ve read many articles about the best career fits for HSPs. These articles account for our general characteristics as a group and describe our needs to help others and to find quiet workspaces. These places encourage our creativity, strong spiritual natures, and work ethic. Some professions include helping professions (teachers, doctors, nurses, therapists, caregivers, etc.), creative professions, academic careers, spiritual or religious leaders, and work environments that foster individual contributors, like I.T. By drilling down even further for HSPs in search of set and setting, it is possible to combine several of these fields mentioned above, plus adding individual personality characteristics to customize the choices fully. But unfortunately, we still live in a largely conformist society, and this type of personal exploration is not often encouraged. And the idea, at the end of the day, it’s still about pursuing monetary rewards over intrinsic rewards, leaving meaning and purpose to get kicked to the curb. Nevertheless, HSPs and the emerging HSP culture need to look toward several key factors in finding happiness in the professions. First, consider environmental conditions, which I believe are some of the most important factors for HSP career decisioning. This includes hard items, like office space and layout, sensory stimulation of the environment, and soft elements, such as co-workers, bosses, and how the staff is treated. The meaningfulness of what you do is highly subjective; however, it should have major consideration in your decision. I don’t imply to speak for all HSPs, but work can be stressful and soul deadening for highly sensitive folks without meaning and purpose. Your work reflects you, what you need, and what you do. Be selective and pick the best place for you. When all else fails, be your own boss. In the last thirty to forty years, the idea of becoming an entrepreneur or business owner has gained considerable traction. It’s not just about the freedom or about creating and nurturing a successful business, but about using your talents, building an impactful organization, and making a difference in people’s lives, including yours. The best thing about taking this strategy is that it gives you considerable control over how things are run. For some folks, running a company and having the responsibility for staff and plant is not their cup of tea. For these people, solopreneur might work better. You are the business and the only employee. This fits well for professionals, creative types, and helping professions. You still run the show, but you, in the end, are the only impacted individual. You live and die on your own merits. Whichever course you take, expect headaches, but realize you have more control over your destiny. And because you get ahead of some of the major considerations, the headaches at least will seem less severe. Social niches Another area to search for, seek out and participate in is your social niche. I strongly encourage all HSPs to find an HSP tribe to belong to. The support and understanding that comes with being in a group that already gets you (quirks and all) are healing and therapeutic. To be with folks who understand your struggles, aspirations, and ambitions is validating and encouraging. But don’t limit yourself to just HSP groups; branch out to find others with a common interest, hobby, goal, or desire and connect and share. Finding the right partner can be especially hard for HSPs. You are unique in your love, affection, and connection needs. You will need to be patient in finding that special partner that understands you, accepts you, and desires to spend time with you. Finding the right person is worth the wait. Finding the wrong person and forcing a fit is a recipe for misery. This is one area we HSPs need to get right. Spend time exploring your needs before going out into the world to find a partner. It will be well worth it. How much socialization do we need to do? It depends. Most HSPs I know don’t necessarily put a premium on constant socializing. However, whether we like it or not, we need to socialize to some extent, whether for work, education, or familial needs. Finding the right venues and people to associate with that make us feel appreciated and wanted is a good place to start. You, as an individual, can customize your social interactions to fit your needs and tastes. Cause or purpose I don’t think we all need to have a grand and deep purpose for being happy in life but having a mission can add meaning and value to your existence. This takes some soul searching, but I believe by looking deep (a thing HSPs do well), we can find our cause. I think it will call out to you if you listen. Use your creativity and imagination to parse through many options and combine and match the best to find your best fit. Finding your place or niche in the world is more than finding the right livelihood. It’s also about acceptance and embracing who you are. You may feel you are a round peg in a square world, but there are round holes in the universe of pegs; you just have to find them. It’s never too late. Don’t give up. Regardless of what stage of life you are in, you can do this. Encore career, purposeful retirement, just starting out, or mid-life crisis, when the opportunity arises, spring on it. HSPs are the most purpose-driven people I know. Likely, you are too. Don’t ignore meaning and purpose for money, status, or to meet others’ expectations. This is your life; recognize your uniqueness, find your path and travel down it. This path will largely dictate your experiences, and those experiences will inform your existence and wisdom. Don’t be afraid to be you. Your life satisfaction may depend on it. Please comment with your thoughts. |
AuthorBill Allen currently lives in Lutz, Florida. He previously lived in Bend, Oregon. He is a certified hypnotist and brain training coach at BrainPilots.com. He believes that male sensitivity is not so rare, but it can be confounding for most males living in a culture of masculine insensitivity which teaches boys and men to disconnect from their feelings and emotions. His intent is to use this blog to chronicle his personal journey and share with others. 
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