 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Overcoming overwhelm is an HSPs number one priority. There are so many tools out there that can aid in calming your mind and helping you settle down when overwhelm strikes. There are many mobile phone apps specifically designed for relaxation and calming and are portable and generally easy to use. Since most people travel with their phones in easy reach, these might aid in helping HSPs relax when out and about or even at home. Most of the apps featured or low cost or have a modest subscription fee or are free for the basic service. They should also both be available for IOS and Android. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list but can serve as a jumping-off point to start your journey exploring tools to help you. There is some overlap in the groups. # 1 – Mindfulness/Meditation Apps– The purpose of these apps is to help you with starting a daily meditation practice or helping you learn to be mindful of your anxiety or intrusive thoughts. When doing meditation or deep relaxation, it is essential to reach a state of dominant alpha or theta brainwave activity to achieve that blissful state of relaxation. Brainwave state is dynamic, and to maintain the needed state takes work and discipline, this is where the benefit of the app comes in. Although the apps aren’t necessary to create this state, they serve as an immediate feedback loop to the user.
Understand that all old school Luddites may bristle at the idea of using phone apps for relaxation practice and that it should and can be achieved internally without the use of electronics. And this is true to some extent. However, getting started with the old-fashioned ways can require a certain discipline and strict adherence that many folks don’t have the time or inclination to achieve. Many HSPs will like the convenience of a spot fix, such as an app, that they can pull out on the fly for immediate relief. And phone apps can’t be beaten for timeliness or convenience. They are worth taking a look. There are many, many apps available, so travel beyond the suggestions and explore on your own. I’d love to hear what you find.
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 A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Sensitivity in men is often criticized, sometimes by well-meaning but misinformed individuals and sometimes from those who have a distorted view of what constitutes masculinity. Boys are often socialized not to be sensitive or to play their sensitivity down. This causes many young men to shy away from the acceptance of their sensitive traits. When telling others, especially other men, about your sensitivity, you will find you that you will have to defend yourself against criticism. I listed a few of the more common areas you will find yourself having to defend and how you might approach this defense. # 1 – Not Being Tough Enough – Premise: Because of your sensitivity, you are not seen as being tough enough. What does tough enough mean anyway? This overused criticism of sensitive men is often used to put HSMs in a category that is decidedly non-masculine. Being tough means the ability to handle difficult and trying situations stoically and without emotion. Fine. But, to do so under all circumstances is rather stupid. Emotion is a human trait and one in which suppression is counterproductive. What is the hidden message behind this criticism? For one, sensitivity is seen as a weakness in men. Any man that displays emotion freely or is intuitive or nurturing is seen as being effeminate and thus non-masculine. It is a form of emotional suppression in men and an attempt at subjugation to an archaic man code. Defense: Emotion is a human quality, unless you have transcended your humanity, you will experience and show emotion regularly. Suppressing emotional expression is harmful to humans, and therefore unhealthy and unproductive. The notion that men are to always be in control, unemotional, and never wrong is not acknowledging that we all have our weaknesses. Not seeing weaknesses-- is a weakness. Allowing emotional expression has an evolutionary purpose, and therefore is a good thing. Doing so does not make you weak, effeminate, or untough. #2 – Taking Criticism – Premise: Not being able to take criticism makes you weak and wimpy. HSPs have a rough time with criticism, especially if it is personal and unconstructive. We take personal criticism to heart mainly because we are thoughtful and conscientious creatures. However, criticism is a natural part of life; it is a feedback mechanism that, when done correctly, can be constructive and useful to help us grow. When receiving criticism, we need to evaluate and compare the criticism, evaluate it for valuable nuggets, and compare the criticism to useful criticism we have received in the past. Learning to accept constructive criticism, however painful, is a path to personal growth. Consider the source of the criticism and note whether they have your best interest at heart. If it does not appear constructive, reject it, and realize that there may be another agenda at play. Defense: We HSMs have a right to reject unsupportive or destructive criticism, personal attacks, and insults. At some point, we have the right to push back. We need to learn to distance emotionally from the attacker and not assimilate the negative emotion. By not accepting the destructive criticism, we are rejecting the attacker, depriving them of the paltry emotional benefit of momentary dominance. #3 – Toxic Masculinity – Premise: Because of your sensitivity, you are not man enough, and therefore are subject to dominance by other Toxic Masculines (TM). Current adherence to the toxic masculinity culture that pervades our society has become a social disease. Look around, it is everywhere, in social media, sports, politics, business, and entertainment. Reject that definition of masculinity and don’t incorporate that into your self-image. Toxic men will look to single you out and subordinate you, either through intimidation or faux dominance. They will challenge your masculinity and try to call you out as a lesser man. Don’t take the bait. These TMs are the ones who are insecure and have doubts about their masculinity, which often can be traced to early learned development models, typically from a dysfunctional parent. It does not matter their station in life, corporate robber baron, elite athlete, bullying boss, or authoritarian leader; they will all have this underlying insecurity. There is nothing inherently superior about them over you. Defense: Masculinity is a culturally defined characteristic. You are a man by biological definition. You can define your gender role. Masculinity can be many things: strong, protective, assertive, or nurturing, compassionate, and emotional. All these traits are human. Don’t allow TMs to define who you are. Strive to be human first. You owe no allegiance to an ill-fitting definition of masculinity. You do owe it to yourself to be yourself. Stand and be resolute. #4 – Sensitivity – Premise: We HSMs are often criticized for being too sensitive, which generally translates into too emotional. Some men are emotion averse. They see emotion as a bad and fickle thing, especially in men. Sensitivity is a multi-faceted trait. It’s not just about emotion but equally about the quality of sensory processing and the depth at which it is processed internally. This spurs insights, intuition, compassion, and yes, emotion. Modern men are evolving, our roles are expanding, and some of the long-held roles men have held sacred are now being challenged or shared with females. We should look at these old models for men and rethink them, considering our current times. I do believe that we are moving towards more androgynous times, which by my definition is that we all males and females should strive to be more human, less gender-specific, and more in line with our personal preferences. Defense: Explore your insights. You have great intuition due to your sensitivity. This is a gift. We can nuance more sensory information from the environment, and that makes us valuable. Externalize more of your insights. Allow your depth of processing to bring you creative ideas and solutions. The world values sensitive creation from adroit thinking and the crafting of novel ideas. Realize it takes a lot of diversity to make a healthy world. You are part of that. #5 –Focus on the Positive Aspects (see the good qualities) – Premise: See your sensitivity as a positive, define it as such and share that with others. This is a proactive step and one that doesn’t require defensive posturing. Remain adaptable to fit uncomfortable situations, yet, never abandon your core values. Highlight with others your empathy and compassion. Be patient with those that don’t understand the complexity of sensitivity. Use humor and gentle kindness to make your points; all humans respond to that. Finally, show and be awareness for others that criticize you. Criticism often comes from a place of fear and misunderstanding. Be the light.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
You don’t have to look very far to find negativity around everywhere. Highly Sensitive People seem to have a unique sense of picking up negativity in the environment. Perhaps, it is a keen nuanced sense of emotion floating about us, or maybe a collective receptor for sensing people’s moods, but we always seem to know when an environment is harmful or toxic. The problem with that is that we tend to internalize the negativity and hold it inward for too long, causing us issues emotionally and physically if we don’t find ways of detoxifying quickly energy that will alter our internal moods. Here are some hacks for releasing and letting go of negativity – something every HSP should know and be adept at doing. # 1 – Mindfulness Practice – Some of our emotional reactivity is learned behavior and can become automatic at the trigger of negativity inputs. To prevent this automatic loop from running on autopilot, you must first become consciously aware of the triggers and the subsequent behaviors that follow the triggers. One way of breaking the loop is to become mindful of your mind/body reaction to the trigger. You will feel the response in your body as well as in your mind. This should be a clue to the intensity of the negativity by the reaction in your mind/body. By being aware of the trigger, you can “thought lock” the response by consciously overriding the reaction with a calming reaction. This takes practice and time, but in time will rewire your brain for a more neutral reaction to the stimulus. Remember, mindfulness is awareness. And awareness provides choices in blind spots you had before. #2 –Isolate the Rumination – Once you find yourself in a rumination moment, where you continuously rehash the event/trigger needlessly and incessantly – you by way of awareness, can isolate the feelings associated with that trigger. Consider it like fencing off a rogue bull from the herd. Instead of allowing these repetitive thoughts, to spread around your consciousness, wreaking havoc, you can isolate and fence off the negative ones. You can even use the imagery of fencing off the negative thoughts if that makes It more real for you. By isolating, you are now managing the negativity directly. Isolation of these thoughts is the first step towards releasing them. HSPs are prone to emotional reactivity, and this must be channeled into constructive action, i.e., from overwhelm to resolve. #3 – Release the Emotion Underlying the Negativity- Releasing negative thoughts or emotions is an active process and somewhat of an art form. There are many activities, I have suggested in the blog over the years, that are excellent at helping you become mindful and allowing release. Meditation practice is perhaps one of the best. Finding a meditation practice is an individual choice, but there are many information options online that can help you in choosing. The practice of yoga and Tai Chi are like meditation in motion; the quiet fluidity of careful body movement with breathing installs a calm and peace that is both active and still. They both create a flow state condition that empties the mind and is a perfect place for release. Other activities such as neurofeedback training, aerobic exercise, or even digitally enhanced mood-altering music are great ways to prepare your mind for release. Your body will reward you with mood-enhancing endorphins that will help you pass the negativity outward from your mind and body. Releasing is not an act of vulnerability but rather empowerment. Releasing does not mean you have to resolve the negativity; it is merely the act of letting go. This will return to you a state of flow. #4 – Retreat, Rest, Rejuvenation – In extreme cases of overwhelm, when the above doesn’t work, then downtime is in order. Quarantine (as if you’re not doing enough of that lately) yourself in nature or a special sanctuary that you have created for yourself for a retreat. Surround yourself with self-soothing artifacts and distractions – movies, music, books, hobbies, or passions and indulge yourself in silence. The goal is to seek peace and calm in your soul. Most HSPs know how to do retreat natively, so this should be a familiar activity or non-activity. Rest and recharge. Self-isolate. You have permission. #5 –Talk with Empathetic Souls – Do not hold this inside you! There is a time when talking to an empathetic soul is imperative. Externalize your thoughts with trusted family and friends and seek a measure of validation of your assumptions and concerns. You may be blowing the negativity way out of proportion, so seek some confirmation. This will help you confirm or refute your feelings and help you formulate constructive actions. #6 – Practice Peace and Calm, Serenity Living – Quieting the mind for HSPs is work. I mean real work. Yet doing so via practice and repetition will teach you to discipline your mind to manage erratic emotions, which often lead to overwhelm. This practice will train you for dealing with negative onslaughts, the kind that is quite common these days. Imagine that you are becoming a mental Aikido master. You fend off negative attacks by flowing with the energy that is opposing you. You take that energy and let it flow through you, not at you. Imagine you move in mindful motion with the attacker and disarm this energy by using that momentum to pass by you. You disarm it with mental Aikido, steps you learned above. #7 –Be Selective in Your Environmental Choices – The environment we choose to be in, is highly reflective of how much negativity we must cope with. Choose your companions wisely. You may not always be able to avoid negative people, but you should not consciously seek them out. It is real work to deal with negativity in people and will drain you of your resources. Additionally, be where you are most energized and feel flow. The places you allow yourself in can make a huge difference in your productivity. Be where you are most natural. Finally, surround yourself with peace and calm emitting amenities. A pleasant environment means a mind/body calm. #8 – Recognize that You are Different in a Good Way – We HSPs have different sensibilities. It comes with the territory. Some of it is sensory, some of it is intuitive, and some of it is HSP logic. We all need to learn to accept ourselves and embrace the gift of high sensitivity. Use it to enlighten, educate, and to uplift others. Spread positivity to negate the negativity. Refuse to believe or see sensitivity as a weakness.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male One of the most critical areas of life is the work that we do. Many people fall into work without much thought using external factors to drive career decisions. And, for the most part, this works for a large segment of the population. However, I contend that HSPs need to be more careful about choosing their right livelihood and making sure employment is not only gratifying but also feels comfortable and is compatible with our sensibilities. With that in mind, I caution all HSPs to be selective and cautious in selecting employment. If you are employed, here are a few items that might suggest you are in the WRONG place to work. # 1 – Wrong Environment – If the workplace you are in is too competitive and aggressive, likely you will not be comfortable. There is an edginess about places that stress dog eat dog work behavior that doesn’t feel right for most HSPs. If the environment is too crowded, i.e., cubicle farms, open workspace, and not offering space for respite, this will work against your need for solitude and thoughtfulness. Some work areas are too loud and noisy; not only is this distracting, but it can also grate on your nerves and make work uncomfortable. Perhaps the pace of the work is too demanding. The speed will run counter to your natural conscientiousness and does not allow you to take your time in producing your best work. Some work environments are too bright, with harsh lighting or harbor distinctive strong smells that may cause you to react viscerally and be uncomfortable. Although you can try to ask for some accommodation, you can’t expect a complete remodel of the environment to suit you. Better to look for a place that matches your needs. #2 – Wrong Manager – A good manager is a real key to workplace success. They provide a utility to enhancing work, facilitating you to be your best; they make you look good, and best of all, they fit your needs. One of the most challenging things for HSPs is to handle criticism. Most managers I have met in my career have not been adequately trained in giving constructive criticism. It is an art that alludes most. Many managers are too critical or hypercritical, which will turn off most HSPs and will often make us wilt, stifling our growth at work. These managers can be too driven; Type A personalities who will run over you and are way too demanding. These types are usually not very empathetic and could care less about work/life balance for you. You will be miserable. Lastly, although, this is an often overused and misunderstood term, some managers can be like a narcissist, it’s all about them. Your job will be to make them look good, and if you don’t, there’s hell to pay. #3 – Wrong Teammates- Much like the manager having the right teammates, can make a huge difference in your work experience and success. Now, it’s not likely you will have all teammates meet your compatibility needs but having a few good co-workers does make a difference. Studies have shown that having a best friend at work enhances your work engagement, which serves both you and your employer. Like the manager and the work environment, teammates that are unempathetic, ultra-competitive, backstabbing, and catty or are intrusive and loud, will make the situation problematic for most HSPs. You will work more closely with your team than anyone else, and, this can make or break a work environment, so in looking for right employment understand that certain types of work draw certain kinds of people, so “if you don’t want to get ate, don’t swim in the shark’s house.” #4 – Wrong Career Path / Field – This one almost goes without saying and can be one of your first clues. I worked in Information Technology for over thirty years. It was not my ideal career, and as a result, I suffered for it. If you are just starting out in a career, it will behoove you to put a lot of emphasis here. Bad career matches are like bad marriages; people often stick them out even if it is inherently toxic. Whatever you decide, don’t work in a field to meet someone else’s expectations (parents’, spouse’s, or societal). You will never be happy neglecting your needs, so the sooner you give that up, the better. If you are working only for extrinsic rewards, like money, status, power, but you hate what you are doing, you need to do some serious soul searching. In this case, the price is greater than the reward. #5 – Does not employ your strengths – We all have individual talents, which is vital for us to explore and use. Still, as HSPs, we all have certain core strengths, such as our creativity, empathy, depth of processing (I see this as slow churn problem-solving skills) our intelligence, both cognitive and emotional, and our sensitivity. For most of us, finding work that maximizes all these talents will be challenging. But it’s not impossible. To get there, you may have to work in less than ideal conditions, but by planning a long-range strategy, you can get there with strategic moves, always keeping the prize in mind. #6 – Does not challenge you in the right ways – The ideal work environment will challenge you to expand your comfort zone in manageable chunks to provide for optimum growth. Flow state is achieved when we are moderately challenged within our talent framework, and a sense of intense focus and concentration is achieved. Don’t shirk the opportunity to grow by taking on challenges. Another critical factor is that your work environment allows you a certain amount of autonomy, while still providing some structure for you to work your best. #7 – Work that crushes your soul – Soul crushing work is felt very deep within. There is no pleasure in work; there is only dread. Each day is about surviving, only to have to get up the next morning and repeat the process. The work may go against your ethics or morals, it may go innately against your HSP nature, or it may create some internal existential crisis. It happens. My advice is to leave. Your life is worth more than that.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Throughout my life, I have learned many things about being a highly sensitive man. I have chronicled many of them in my upcoming book, Confessions of a Sensitive Man, An Unconditional Defense for Highly Sensitive Men. I’m still learning, every day, every year. Nevertheless, some standout, forming a new code of acceptance within me of this highly valuable and misunderstood trait. Here’s seven of the most obvious. # 1 – Embrace the difference – As an HSM, you need to come to grips with your sensitivity. Embracing your differences is the first step to accepting your highly sensitive nature and recognizing that the differences are useful, positive, and necessary. You will stand out sometimes, you will be different than non-HSP males, and do that without apologizing. I believe that there are trends towards more sensitivity and sensitivity awareness in all men. #2 – You have a Purpose – Dr. Elaine Aron’s, the leading authority on high sensitivity, believes that HSPs are evolutionarily necessary for the species. We provide a thoughtfulness and caution to counterbalance our more impulsive fellow men (and women). We can be the wise counsel to leaders and be thought leaders for others to emulate. Our sensitivity is not a sentence but more of a calling. In finding our voice, we find our purpose. Your purpose fits in this model, with the scope defined by you. #3 – Learning to deal with overwhelm- Overwhelm or overwhelming emotion is one of the trademark signs of HSPs. We process so much data and emotion that often we find that we are immersed in tidal waves of input that can seem debilitating. As an HSM, you must learn to deal with this and find methods to “detox” your system if the overwhelm is too high. There are many ways to relax and self-soothe. In doing so, you can turn off the world for periods of time. Meditation, mindfulness, and flow state immersion, such as work on a passion, can help with this issue. #4 – Defining the new male – Today, male role models are changing. I like to think of this as a quiet evolution. Men are taking back what it means to be masculine and reshaping it to fit our current cultural milieu. Evolution is adaptation and as an HSP male, modeling the adaptation, towards something you are natural at, will help others expand masculine definitions. There is a growing movement afoot, and you can be part of that. Look for it and pay attention; it may find you. #5 – Feeling is good – We HSMs must be okay with expressing our fluid emotions and strong feelings. We need to let go of the old model of the Stoic and expressionless male. Bottled up emotions are toxic and can cause emotional turmoil and physical illness. Remember that emotion is a human trait, and all of us are humans first. #6 – Be human first – Yes, we are all humans first, males and females. The human genome is vast and expansive in traits and characteristics. We all fit on that spectrum somewhere. Always strive to be a good human first, anchor in on the human characteristics that are not gender bound. Gender role options are fluid; being human is not. Take comfort in your humanity. Being an HSP is a point on that spectrum, your other traits show up on different locations of the line. Taken as a whole, you are complicated and variegated, brilliant and multi-faceted, yet always human. #7 – You are not alone – Know this, there are many here among us with this trait. You are not alone. Awareness is the key, and self-awareness is the lock. If you struggle with your sensitivity- find help. If you don’t, give help. Start by educating yourself on the trait. Wield your new-found power with the force of water, shape gently the world around you; even the hardest rock will yield.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
There are many excellent books on raising HSP boys – Dr. Ted Zeff’s book The Strong, Sensitive Boy, and Dr. Elaine Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them are just two that come to mind. You should find them and read them if you have an HSP boy. Don’t think because you are an HSP; you will always have intuitive guidance on this subject. Those of us who have raised HSP boys at some time will make these same mistakes, in spite of our high sensitivity. The following mistakes are from my own experiences both as an HSP parent and as an HSP child. # 1 - Trying to Normalize HSP Boys This might be a mistake many fathers make with their HSP sons. I suspect some mothers may do this as well. HSP boys are never going to be like the “normal” non-HSP boys. They will go against type from the get-go, so trying to shoehorn them into a typical set of boy traits will only frustrate the HSP boy and make them feel inadequate or inferior. Instead, you should allow them to experience life through their unique lens. Be supportive and nurturing to their sensitivity. #2 -Not Teaching HSP Boys to Regulate Their Emotions Emotional reactivity is a big thing for HSPs. Emotions very often run high in HSPs, and HSP boys are no exception. Emotional overwhelm can be at times challenging to deal with and be frustrating for you and your HSP son. Teach them to flow their emotional highs and lows, ride them like a wave, experience the emotions but not drown in them. Our emotional abilities can be a gift, but only if we have some sense of control. Teach them meditation, mindfulness, visualization, and calming techniques that will quiet down their minds when overwhelm kicks in. #3 – Not Providing HSP Boys with Gentle Challenges for Growth HSP boys are not glass objects or fragile rice paper. They can and should be handled gently but must be provided challenges to expand their comfort zone. What they learn now about overcoming challenges will follow them into adulthood. Encourage them to push boundaries outward and be there when they fail or stumble. Gentle but firm guidance will give them confidence to face life and its challenges. #4 – Not Celebrating Their Differences Help your HSP boys to celebrate their uniqueness. They are inherently different- acknowledge that. Show them that this characteristic is a gift. Then show them how to use this gift by encouraging them to step out into the world and be themselves. Being genuine and authentic will help them live their best life. #5 – Not Teaching HSP Boys Confidence Confidence is not innate, it is learned. Teach your HSP son to have confidence. Encourage life experience, then show them that failure is simply feedback. Applaud success but dwell more so on effort. Show them that curiosity and persistence will be their greatest teachers. These are the seeds of a confident boy who will turn into a confident man. #6 – Not Helping HSP Sons to Understand Their Gifts All humans have unique gifts. HSP boys have their unique gifts as well. These include insight, intuition, deep emotions and feeling, empathy, an ability for deep thought, and inherent creativity. Point them out early and often and give HSP male role models for them to emulate. If you are an HSP male, be the hero. #7 – Not Being Emotionally Supportive and Nurturing Studies have shown HSPs do best in supportive and nurturing environments. This is the HSP key to happiness. Provide that environment to your HSP boy, and he will thrive. Deprive him of that, and he will wilt. It may be more work, but remember you are raising an Orchid in a world full of Daisies. #8 – Questioning Their Masculinity Never put your HSP boy down for not being masculine enough. Understand that masculinity is a cultural construct that is learned from birth. Your boy may not exhibit what might seem to be classic western cultural definitions of what a young man is supposed to be, yet I assure you he is still a male. Gender roles are very fluid and are becoming more fluid all the time. The human genome and individual personalities express gender roles in many ways. Teach all boys that masculinity is not devoid of emotion or vulnerability that some characteristics we deem as feminine are indeed human characteristics, such as nurturing and intuition. We want our boys to embrace their humanity fully. #9 – Thinking This Trait (sensitivity) Is a Disorder or a Phase Your HSP boy is not going to outgrow their sensitivity. It is a lifelong trait that will shape them and their world. The sooner you understand this, the more helpful you can be to your HSP boy protégé. It is also not a disorder. There is nothing wrong with your child because of their sensitivity. They are normal along a human spectrum of sensitivity and sensing. It is possible your child may have some other disorder, i.e. autism or hypersensitivity, but high sensitivity is not one of them. #10 – Not Giving Your HSP Boy His Space All HSPs need space at some time or another. It is our nature to retreat, recharge, and rejuvenate. It may seem quirky or anti-social, but it is not. It is the HSP way. Make sure your HSP boy gets that space; it may be alone playtime or time to read or time to reflect and rest. Regardless, do respect it. He will thank you for it and will thrive because of it. HSP boys will be the next generation of HSP men. They will be poets, artists, counselors, religious leaders, visionaries, and political advisors. Letting them grow up to be the wise and sensitive men they are destined to be, will benefit all of us. Please take a moment to fill out our first reader survey. Follow the link and answer a few questions. It won't take long and will be much appreciated. 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A Singular Event Consider for a moment that the coronavirus-19 situation is a single worldwide event. Imagine the event as a single white dot on a backdrop of black space. Now imagine billions of separate lines emanating from this single point. Like an exploding firework in the night sky, all lines racing out in all directions. Each line is unique and that it reaches out and touches each of the seven and a half billion people on the planet. Each extension presents a multiplicity of choices, each unique to the individual and each with unique outcomes. Every outcome shapes the individual’s experience. Each strand has a unique message for the individual. No two interpretations will be alike, all shaped, all formed by a single event, each line processed by a unique individual filter. Some people will end their experience with the message, a terminal interpretation. Others will be affected profoundly, and the event will change their life experience, it will be transformational. Others will be ignorant and blind to the potential and will see this as a temporal inconvenience. Warnings and Outcomes But there will be outcomes. This single event is nature’s way of sending a warning shot across the bow. It is a message that cannot be ignored. We will all see it differently, but the thread of truth underneath is universal. Wake up, humanity. You are not invincible. Wake up from your dreams of power and greed, and exploitation. Change is coming, and you cannot stop it. The multiplicity of a single event can produce infinite possibilities, infinite outcomes. And make no mistake; this is a world event. The outcomes produced will affect all of us. Even if you are not directly impacted (hard to imagine) by the virus, you will be influenced by the outcomes and choices of everyone around you and the world at large. No one escapes this lesson. The fact that this is happening to all of us at once should cause everyone to pause and observe. We are being shaped by the event and are shaping our futures by our choices. This event is our War of the Worlds moment. A moment in which transformation can and will take place. This moment is a rarity. Simultaneously, all of humanity experiencing something threatening our existence, shaking our faulty constructs. At this moment, it is if the blinders are coming off. We can see our world as we’ve made it. We see ourselves as we are. We are not the top of the chain or above the chain; we are part of the chain. And we are one of the most fragile links in the chain. Gaia is speaking to us. Let’s not forget the lessons we are learning here. The event has to be long and strong enough to hold our attention, but not so long as to destroy the student. You are being given personal time off, whether you can afford it or not. Stay home. Go inward. The answers are there. Be safe.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male Fragility of Society I have been like many people watching the news closely on the pandemic Coronovirus-19. The story has been a constant droning of pessimism as of late as things start to become more alarming as the virus continues to spread. It dawned on me while watching this unfold that our society, our culture, and our civilization is very fragile. We talk a lot about the effects that we humans are having on the planet, with climate change, overpopulation, and consumption of natural resources. Still, it generally has not sunken into the head of the average person on the street. It's a someday thing, not a now thing. Coronavirus is a now thing. Its spread is quick and exponential and for many fatal. Still, many are ignoring the warnings. This thing we call civilization is propped up by the most fragile support mechanisms. But in the end, it's now clear that it all depends on people. Imagine civilization could come undone because of a microscopic organism that can replicate indiscriminately at machine speed. The virus following its primal objective to survive has found pay dirt in human bodies. We are the unfortunate hosts. Do I expect a wholesale collapse of our civilization? No. But, this should be a warning on the fragility of life in our modern world. Sandwiched between the layers of environmental factors, some outside of our control, and our free will lies the core of our existence. A fragile balance at best. The Economy is a Fantasy One of the first things to react was the stock market. The stock market is our legally sanctioned monetary casino, where many millions place their hopes and dreams and their lifelong savings, subject to skittish "corrections" to any provocation in the environment. The market is a place where wild emotional reactions can vaporize trillions of dollars in a single week. These stampedes caused by a panicked herd mentality can bring the economy down with such rapidity that sanctions had to be put in place to prevent massive sell-offs. It is the high temple of our world. We live in a world where the table is tilted for the few and away from the many. This disparity has unfolded more evidently in the last forty years as the rich get richer, and the poor and middle class fall off the map. A crisis, like the Coronavirus, points out the crack in the exterior walls of our economic fortress. The erosion of the middle class, through government, corporate, and political machinations, has left our once robust middle class vulnerable and weakened. The middle class has always been the engine that drives the economy. Couple this with the disregard for the poor, we find ourselves in a situation which is like channeling precious water away from our rich grasslands and fields and, allowing them to wither and become dried out and wondering why the brush fire wipes out our valuable resources. Every day we are shown indicators of prosperity – numbers that belie and mask the truth that wealth is not inclusive and is full of inequities. The reality is prosperity is there for the few and not for the masses. We thrive on scarcity and deny abundance, and this is costing us our souls. I wonder if the Coronavirus simply exposed the underlying virus that has been with us for years. We Operate on Assumptions Our whole society is based on assumptions. One assumption is that our healthcare system is world-class. Yet, access to healthcare is often limited, prohibitively expensive, and surplus in a crisis is non-existent. We assume that most of us will be well, and the system will never be taxed. Yet here we are. This assumption is based more on business models than medical models. Business drives every decision. Economy and efficiency are the drivers of profits. "Just in time" planning has been our mantra since the '80s. It may be efficient and profit-oriented, but it does not do well for contingencies, such as our current dilemma. Under stress, this system crumbles, and ad hoc planning must be invoked. We scramble to make sense of this disjointed jigsaw puzzle. We also assume that our elected leaders are true leaders, that they have the "right stuff" that they know how to direct, how to delegate, how to stay calm, and take responsibility. That they have empathy and compassion as they aid us in navigating any given crisis. Pay attention and watch how this unfolds. It's not looking good. Finally, we assume we live in a free society. We have free enterprise, free access to information, and we are free to move and free to live the life we want. We value our independence, which we falsely assume is our freedom. But when a crisis hits, do we resort to our selfish self-focused nature, or do we move towards the higher-order mammalian nature? From what I've seen thus far, we are split as a nation on this notion. That internal divide will continue as the crisis unfolds, or we will overcome it and unite. The choice is before us. How Things are Breaking Down I've said this before, but hegemonic masculinity is killing us, also known as toxic masculinity. This form of masculinity supports the rule by the privileged, the elite, the uncompassionate, and the unempathetic. Men and women can assume this role. Reptilian leadership is an oxymoron, for reptilian leaders only think of their own interests. Think today, think self. Their decisions are not cooperative but competitive and self-serving. Years of thinking this way has gotten us to the place we are today. The herd does not serve a purpose if all members are working in their own interests. We cannot survive as a species if we continue this type of thinking. Marginalizing large sectors of the population – people of color, women, LGBTQ, and new immigrant communities is like trying to thin the herd by ostracizing the very ones that make the herd healthy. It's the diversity that makes us resilient. We are a diverse herd; we need each other right now. The virus does not care about the superficial differences-- to Coronavirus; we are all humans. We are all hosts. Our economy is propped up by "the system." The government selectively props up Wall Street, big banks, large corporations, and wealthy investors, but shirks those less powerful. The error of thought here is becoming evident. The virus has exposed that the ultimate economic engine, is the workers, the people. As the workers retreat or are ordered to their sanctuary for self-protection, the wheels are coming off the bus. Alas, the system for the few, depends entirely on the many to survive. With no safety nets at the bottom, the whole game falls apart—great foresight by the elite. The global economy has given us inexpensive products to match our meager wages but has taken away our ability to remain self-sufficient. Without the free flow of people and goods, the system comes to a halt. No one gets spared, save a very select few. Why hasn't our government promoted small businesses, small industry, US manufacturing, and individual entrepreneurship? Politicians know there's no money in it. The money flows where the cheapest labor costs are, and that is not here in the US. We have been devaluing labor for over forty years. Fat corporate types own the purse strings. Now we have to depend on foreign businesses to support us in our crisis -not a sound strategy for managing a crisis from within. We need to find better ways to measure wealth. Why not measure wealth by how healthy the population is? Why not measure satisfaction and happiness in life? Why not measure for right livelihood or mental health? I'm not talking about not responsibly measuring money metrics but instead expanding the terms for abundance and prosperity. It's the American People, Stupid! Since the founding of our nation, the American people have tended to rally and solidify in crisis. We are pretty good at that when we can get on the same page. Yet, today politics, small-minded religion, and small outlier groups of highly agendized people have found a way to polarize us. Even now, we take sides as the crisis worsens. It seems the Reptilians are winning—their Social Darwinism eclipses compassion and caring. Most Americans just want the macro things to work in their lives, leaving that to government, while they pursue their micro interests. Most of us want the same fundamentals: home, educational opportunities, some savings, a good-paying job, balance in life, and a sense of worth and accomplishment. This basic premise should be completely reasonable in this country. Each year that goes by, we see more and more Americans watching this dream sail away. Why? And now nature has given us this crisis. Figure it out, people -- or we die, or at least collapse our flimsy straw house. How do HSPs figure into all of this? I suspect that many HSPs have been sensing for some time that this day would come. We are the canary in the coal mine – if we haven't completely grasped the entirety of it all or the implications of our fragile society, we have certainly felt it. It is uncomfortable, like a scratchy shirt, and these types of things we notice. We are designed for this task. As I have said, we HSPs need to become more visible, more noticed, and more vocal. And, in some cases, reluctant but needed empathetic thought leaders. We need to help with the leveling of the table. We need to give our wise and cautious counsel. We need to let our light shine. We see this; we sense this, we feel this. HSPs are not going to change the world on our own, but we have a responsibility because of our gifts of observation and deep thought to share our views with those who don't often see our acute world view. It's not too late. The virus is a wake-up call.  A Blog about Sensory Processing Sensitivity from the Worldview of a High Sensing Male
Socrates: Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what's good for you. They don't want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs. Dan Millman: Let me guess, and you want me to believe yours. Socrates: No, I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside. From the Peaceful Warrior In spite of the fact that I truly believe that high sensitivity is a gift, it does come with a downside. All the capability for absorbing and processing sensory input comes at a price. Overload and overwhelm are quite common in HSPs (Highly Sensitive Person), and the result can lead to anxiety and depression and other mental and physical health issues. There are social complexities that many HSPs face around interpersonal issues. The world at large does not value HSP traits and certainly doesn’t accommodate our needs. Many people misunderstand sensitivity, see it has a personality problem, which comes with many pejorative terms to describe the trait, i.e., high strung, tightly wired, too sensitive, whiny, drama queen/king, etc. This can be especially vexing to HSPs, and we are all subject to being adversely affected by the criticism. For the record, the list of “negatives” I am listing here are all based more on my own personal HSP traits and my experiences. Yes, they may be shared by other HSPs, but those listed are ones I hear from many HSPs. So, take them as fairly accurate generalizations.
We need to start educating ourselves about reframing the whole HSP meme and associated mythologies and start making it more useful and seeing it as the productive gift that it is and allow ourselves the leeway to experiment and make mistakes, to be hurt, to grow and wield this mighty sword for good. So, don’t despair your uniqueness and your special talents, nor despair about those times when all seems too much. Learn to recover, learn to bounce back, learn to use your tools. Use it wisely. Thrive. Socrates: Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses. From The Peaceful Warrior |
AuthorBill Allen currently lives in Lutz, Florida. He previously lived in Bend, Oregon. He is a certified hypnotist and brain training coach at BrainPilots.com. He believes that male sensitivity is not so rare, but it can be confounding for most males living in a culture of masculine insensitivity which teaches boys and men to disconnect from their feelings and emotions. His intent is to use this blog to chronicle his personal journey and share with others. 
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