The Sensitive Man – Comfort Zone – Part III Walking the Path of Fear

What does it mean to walk the path of fear? As Carlos Castaneda once said, and I paraphrase,  that walking a path of fear is walking as if death is stalking us, always worried that one wrong move and death will overtake us. It’s a subconscious thing. Fear is our warning system, planted deep within in our minds, throttled by our amygdala, and embellished by our conscious minds. Fear is about warning about an impending, imagined death. Surviving is avoiding death.

But, how does this affect our ability to live genuine, authentic lives? Is living a life well wasted, ravaged by fearfulness, really a life? Our mission in life is simple: learn, grow and for the spiritually minded, love. Everything else is gravy. It doesn’t matter how each of us filters the world, filters wide open or mostly shut, we all have to bend to the mission.

Fear is a driver. Fear is a healthy impulse. Fear can be learned and it can be imagined. Our reactions to fear are often comprised of four actions: freeze, to ponder the circumstance; Fight – to resist the threat; flight to escape the threat; or fright – to internalize the threat, in which case it can become overwhelming. For many HSPs, the last action is simply too often the case. And we are driven back to the comfort zone, that place where the threat is controllable or no longer there.

But what are we really afraid of? To die, to be hurt, to be misunderstood, to be shamed or made fun of? To be afraid to learn something new or grow? Perhaps, we fear the growth we may experience will be the death of who we are, a kind of existential death. Death of self and the dismantling of our ego, our essence. Or is this just an overwhelm thing? Do we fear the onslaught of too much threatening information, too much to process with a rush of adrenaline? Is overwhelm like drowning in a tidal wave, out of control and rushing into the unknown?

HSPs often find themselves walking in this pathway of fear so that it seems fear is a driver of our behavior. Is fear avoidance a personality characteristic of HSPs? This is not to say that HSPs can’t brave or courageous or don’t do things that require overcoming fear. But we live so much in our heads that before the threat is even real we have imagined endless possibilities, some not so positive. Its no wonder that many HSPs are threatened when their comfort zone is questioned. But the comfort zone is not an expansive mechanism, restorative, yes, but not the ideal mechanism for growth.

For humans habituation to fear is hardwired. This ability to habituate to the thing we fear is what allows us to try novel and new experiences. It increases or capacity for survival. This is not just for the HSP world to ponder, but for all humans. Avoiding the thing(s) we fear, prevents this habituation, this getting used to the fear and the repeated retreat into the comfort zone, does not relieve the fear. It avoids it, allowing the fear to anchor within.

The only way out, is through the fear, says psychologist, Noam Shpancer. This requires expanding the comfort zone enough to repeatedly face the fear and overcome it. Experience brings confidence. Confidence is expansive and grows your comfort zone.

So, where is this root of fear? Is it in the amygdala, the brains warning system? A limbic to cerebellum circuit that takes the subconscious warning signal and embellishes is with conscious emotions, creating fear and sometimes anxiety. With HSPs because of our sensory sensitivity is much greater than the population at large,  we seem more prone to excessive fears and overwhelm because of our circuitry.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, we need to pay attention to where we feel the fear, generally in our bodies. We will register sooner than most. In that moment of freeze, mentioned above, it is our opportunity to consider the odds of our perceived threat happening and then act accordingly. We often confuse the arousal of the stimulation with the fear or emotion of the situation. But when it is time to act, we need to consider a thoughtful strategy and go with it.

Consider the attributes of courage. No one that is courageous is fearless. Realize your vulnerability, acknowledge the fear and allow yourself to be exposed to the fear, the exposure will give you experience, valuable experience. Stay positive, sometimes, just saying the right things at the right time can help to associate positive actions with negative stimulus, helping you overcome the fearful thoughts. Practice bravely going beyond your comfort zone and you will grow as a result.

So often we HSPs think that our comfort zone is the place where we can handle the fear. Our fortress, our mailed armor, our protection. Yet, staying solidly in the comfort zone for a lifetime without altering it, will keep us walking the the path of fear. I think we need to consider going beyond, risking the imagined type of “death” we fear so much and expand and rebirth that comfort zone.

So, here’s my tips for overcoming that fear of which I speak:

1. Recognize that death is not a probable outcome of walking a much bolder path. I know that sounds silly, but we will face embarrasment, we will face failure, we will face pain and suffering, but those things will not annihilate us. I believe the root of all fear is the fear of death. Access the probability of your death in those fearful moments and you will realize to some extent the reaction you are having is not the fear of your death, but something much more trivial. It’s a starting point.
2. I believe what keeps us looking out of the windows of our glass houses, is the need to escape boredom and sameness. There may be comfort in routine, but there is a deficit of stimulation. Just because we get overstimulated quickly doesn’t mean that we don’t need or crave that same stimulation seemingly braver folk do. Walking a path of courage means being willing to be overwhelmed at times, in order to assimilate that stimulation. Comfort is a place of rest, an inn or tavern on a long journey. But it is not the journey. The journey is out there, not inside.
3. You don’t have to walk alone. HSPs are not the crowd magnet that other non-HSPs might be. We are sometimes solitary, like monks in a monastery. Tending to our daily chores, focusing inwardly, not minding the solitude, comfortable within the walls. But, then there is vespers, and the chance to mingle with others, walk the gardens with other souls. Find your special friend or friends to walk with you, maybe empathetic non-HSPs to encourage you to continue challenging yourself.
4. Remember too that you are greater than your fear. You fear is based on unchallenged assumptions about yourself and the environment. Overcoming fear requires a degree of faith that you have the capacity to rise above this very primal emotion. Allowing for yourself to meet fear head on, give yourself the opportunity to experience the wonder of how your thoughts shape and change your beliefs. Rewiring the brain sometimes requires non-adrenaline fueled courage. It can be pragmatic as thinking in a new way, testing it out in the real world, adjusting then repeating until you are no longer fearful. When we understand the root of fear, we understand that it’s malleable and because of our (HSPs) heightened sensitivity, we exaggerate the fear, that feeling of emotion, giving it more power than it deserves. Stop walking the path of fear, by stop thinking the same thoughts that gave the neural pathway it’s energy in the beginning. You can change your life, your circumstances and still be the highly sensitive man you were born to be: cautious and thoughtful, yet, quietly brave.

Thanks for stopping by, until next week…
 
 
References:
 https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/22/anatomy-of-fear/?_r=0

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201405/neuroscientists-discover-the-roots-fear-evoked-freezing

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201511/7-things-you-need-know-about-fear

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_anxiety_(psychology)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-got-mind-tell-you/201508/the-amygdala-is-not-the-brains-fear-center

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Nov04.htm